Knowing His Will

"And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints of light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Knowing God's will is tricky business. I have struggled to know what his will is for me. I find myself getting so caught up in other things and forgetting to walk in a way that is worthy of the Lord. Walking in any mistrust, doubt, sin, unfaithfulness, any of that rotten stuff that taints our hearts, is what defines unworthy walking. I don't want to walk in a way that's unworthy of God. Leaving the joy and love and peace of God simply in my bible, without letting the Holy Spirit transfer it into my heart, is like buying a pair of shoe strings and just laying them on top of my shoes... not lacing them through and tying them. They are useless. Those shoe strings keep the shoes together and on my feet. Walking without the Holy Spirit is like laying his love flippantly over my life, but not actually letting it weave it's way through my heart and soul. I would like to think that I let the Holy Spirit into every part of me, and I have done a fine job of fooling myself... Every stinkin' day, I just see more and more of the wickedness of my own heart and the impurity of my motives and just the stinky-ness of my sin. It's hard to let God shape me! I'm bad at patience, awful at endurance, short in giving thanks, little in understanding, small in strength, and too often slow in joyfulness. In light of all of this, can I just say that God's Grace in incomprehensible. I feel like every other blog that I write conveys another part of the same message, another small piece of a big picture in which I'm constantly messing up God's perfection and He's faithfully mending my brokenness and my mishaps and my feeble attempts. I guess that's just what a life with Christ looks like! Man oh man, I just don't understand! God amazes me continually! The scripture above was from the bible reading today and it just reminded me of God's grace in my life, and I wanted to share it with who ever reads this thing (which if it's just me, that's ok too :) ) I love that God calls me his beloved. I love that he can see past everything that I try so desperately to put up to deflect what's really inside, the good and the bad, and that he still loves me... I love that...

Figuring it out,
Elyxis