I have been thinking a lot over the past couple weeks about this statement. I read last week about Jesus being betrayed and crucified. God reminded me of Jesus' humanity in that moment, and his loneliness. I think its easy to start to feel lonely in this world when you don't have someone, the someone. I promise not to get all corny or cheesy cheese on you, just wanted to post something that's been on my heart. I have watched one of my best friends get engaged and my other best friend start a relationship. They are both amazing people and I love them so so much. Their relationships are holy and pure... I admire them and am really happy for them both. But as I watch these two enter into a new season of their lives, I have felt a little like I've been hung out to dry... that I'm sometimes forgotten. Not by my friends, no! But by God. Its a risky statement, I would say... to say that God has forgotten me. But as I read in Luke, and walked through Jesus' Crucifixion, I understood a different part of the heart of God. I cannot even imagine how alone and forgotten Jesus felt as he was beaten and hung on the cross. It can sound so cliche, you hear it enough... "Jesus died for me on a cross", and once you hear it enough, you think its common, and once you think that, it has lost purpose, which leaves you feeling alone. You feel like your the only one going through hard things. You feel like everyone else has someone and you still have no one. The moment that the sin of the world came upon Jesus and the Father had to turn away..... that's loneliness. I forget so easily that Jesus went through it for me so that I didn't have to. He was lonely so that I could be loved, He was forgotten about so that I could be forgiven, He was thrown out by the world and by heaven so that I could know God... how long is it going to take for me to get this in my thick skull! It's true, I do want my someone, but God is teaching me to want Him more than I want them. It's hard, and I feel alone in it. But Jesus is here. He's has been through this valley as well, and He knows what I need, and what I want. I can say that I feel forgotten by God, and I'm sure it hurts his heart when I say that, but the Truth is this: He has engraved me on the palms of his hands, He is constantly making intercession for me at the right hand of the Father, He died for me, His thoughts toward me are good and lovely, He has good plans for my life... He holds my hand... He holds my tiny little heart in his hands... He loves me... I have to learn that that's all I need, I have to know it in the very deepest part of my heart, or else I will strive in this world for nothing, for things that don't satisfy. I never want to have to look back at my life in regret. God has shown me so much in these last couple of weeks how relationships don't fill any spot in your heart if you haven't let him have the whole thing first. A man was not meant to carry the weight of my heart... God made me with the intent of carrying my heart himself... that's something I love about him. This journey takes a lot of faith, not in happenstance, but in Jesus. I know He's with me...
Joy is love exulting, Peace is love reposing, Long suffering is love untiring, Gentleness is love enduring, Goodness is love in action, Faith is love on the battlefield, Meekness is love under discipline, Temperance is love in training...
Learning to Love,
Elyxis
