Days 3-6

Who knew what a bunch of healthy food could do to one person! I have actually been so sick this whole week as my body detox's and tries to get all of those bad things out of me... and boy has that been fun! Not only physically have I been attacked but emotionally and spiritually and in just about everything else I can think of. On day 4, God spoke to me clearly out of 1 Samuel 17. As many of you know, this chapter recounts the story of David and Goliath. I started reading the story like I have many times, expecting to journal about overcoming my fears or getting rid of some giant in my life... but God had something else in mine, thank goodness. As I started reading it, I immediately noticed the role that Armor had in the chapter.


"And a champion went out of the camp of the Philistines named Goliath of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span (about 10 feet). And he had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of mail, and the coat weighed 5,000 shekels of bronze. He had bronze shin armor on his legs and a bronze javelin across his shoulders. And the shaft of his spear was like a weavers beam; his spear's head weighed 600 shekels of iron. And a sheild bearer went before him."


"Then Saul clothed David with his armor; he put a bronze helmet on his head and clothed him with a coat of mail. And David girded his sword over his armor. Then he tried to go, but could not, for he was not used to it. And David said to Saul, I cannot go with these for I am not used to them."

Jesus simply asked me whose armor I was trying to wear. The enemies armor looks big and secure. Have I been hiding behind and protecting myself with the ways of the world? Things like valuing money, friends, "me time", and my own pride more than I value God. I have found it so easy to go and hide behind these things or even use them as an excuse to avoid what I know God is wanting me to do. These things aren't bad! It only becomes dangerous when I place more worth into them than I do my relationship with God. The armor Saul tried to give David probably wasn't bad at all, either. Imagine, it was from the king! It was probably top-notch stuff! The most expensive, protective and reliable armor ever... but it wasn't David's armor. God revealed to me that even if the armor I'm wearing isn't necessarily bad, if it's not the armor HE's given me to wear, then I will not live the full life He promised for me.


"And David took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones out of the brook and put them in his shepherds bag (a whole kids skin slung from his shoulder) in his pouch, and his sling was in his hand, and he drew near the philistine."

Ephesians 6:14-17

"Stand therefore (hold your ground), having tightened the belt of truth around your loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and moral rectitude and right standing with God, and having shod your feet in preperation to face the enemy with the firm-footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news of the Gospel of Peace. Lift up over all the covering shield of saving faith, upon which you can quench all the flaming missiles of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit wields, which is the word of God"


"For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood (contending only with physical opponents), but against the powers, against the master spirits who are the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere."


"Then said David to the philistine, You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the ranks of Israel, Whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will smite you and cut off your head. And I will give the corpses of the army of the philistines this day to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saves not with sword and spear, for the battle is the Lord's, and He will give you into our hands."

So where do all these scriptures leave me? They lead me to and keep me in victory! It is really easy to live in a victim's mentality. "There's nothing I can do to help, I'm hopeless and God can't use me, I'm too young, old, small, big, shy, clumsy, dumb, sinful" and the list goes on and on. But the fact of the matter is, if I will just get off my high horse, kill my pride, skip the funeral, and just do what God tells me to (the right way!), I would LIVE in victory 24/7.

Romans 12:1-3

"I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of all the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world (this age, fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial, customs) but be transformed (changed) by the entire renewal of your mind (by its new ideals and its new attitude), so that you may proove for yourselves what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect in His sight for you. For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought (not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance), but to rate his ability with sober judgement, each according to the degree of faith apportioned of God to him."

Well, I have no idea how to wrap this up, or if this all even ties in together... but God gave it to me so I will take it for what it's worth and just apply it to me life.

Wearing the right armor,


Day 2

The Lords Call:
"Now go and smite Amalek and utterly destroy all they have; do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and donkey."
Saul's response:
"Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, oxen, fatlings, lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them; but all that was undesirable or worthless they destroyed utterly."
Saul was anointed by God to lead the nation. He had all he could ever need. From the outside, he looked put together, wise, and powerful. Unfortunately for Saul, his heart was not so. Partial obedience robbed Saul of his anointing, authority in the natural kingdom and ultimately robbed him from having influence in THE Kingdom.
"...Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king."
His heart was rotten! Much like a contaminated river, if his heart was full of the poison of selfishness, greed, lust for power, and the need for independance from God, no matter how clear that river appears or how smoothly it flows, it is still full of poison and it is leathal.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, Look not on his appearance or at the height of his stature, for I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."
My Response:
What in my own life has God asked me to kill, that I have refused to kill completely?
Jesus, forgive me for being disobient. God I want all that You have for me. Please reveal what I need to change. I pray against any selfish desires in my own heart and ask that you would replace them with an obedient spirit and attitude. Jesus you were obedient to the point of death on the cross... I am so far from that! I pray that I would be one who obeys, no matter what the cost is. Examine my heart and try me and see if there be any evil way in me. Jesus I am all yours. Thank you for your love and grace. I claim your grace over my life and hide in the shadow of your wings knowing that I am safe there. I love you Father. Amen.



Day 1

So I will be embarking on a 40 day journey and today was day 1. God has called me to set aside these next 40 days for very specific reasons and has asked me to seek Him diligently for those things. I will try to record thoughts from my days (or weeks, if I don't get around to doing this each day) and I hope that through it, God will speak to you as well! Here we go...

Day 1:
The thief has come to steal, kill, and destroy.
Can I hear a "Duh."
I have found, after one short day of this journey, that the enemy is already trying to steal what God is trying to do. And you wanna know what I say to that? Bite me! Satan can try all his sly tricks he wants to, but I know that my God is so much bigger. Today has really been a rough day, I'm not gonna lie. Satan has come in the area of relationships and tried to ruin friendships that I hold very dear... and I'm not going to stand for it. Not only is the enemy aware of what I'm doing, but so is my flesh. My own pride and anger and selfishness have been working overtime today! Gosh dang it! I'm getting more angry as I type this because I know that there is so much I could be doing way better. But I know that Christ is made strong in my weaknesses.
Lesson learned today:
If I live in the Spirit I will not satisfy or gratify the desires of my flesh.



Being Near

As things in my life get more chaotic, I often find myself wondering, "Where are You God?" I have been trying to understand the fact that just because things start getting hard, it doesn't mean that God is any less near to me. I have also come to realize that it is not me who causes God to come near... it's not my asking or begging or good works or good character that cause God to draw near to me. Sure I have a part in it, He tells me to seek after Him, but in the end, it is Him who comes to me. I cannot earn it and I certainly don't deserve it. God spoke to me out of Psalm 65 this morning. I was reminded that He is near in every season , climate, landscape, and every minute of every day.

To You belongs silence (the submissive wonder of reverence which burst forth into praise) and praise is due and fitting to You, O God, in Zion; and to You shall the vow be performed.

O You, Who hear prayer, to You shall all flesh come.

Iniquities and much varied guilt prevail against me; yet as for our transgressions, You forgive and purge them away (make atonement for them and cover them out of Your sight)!

Blessed is the man whom You choose and cause to come near, that he may dwell in Your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.

By fearful and glorious things do You answer us in righteousness, O God of our salvation, You Who are the confidence and hope of all the ends of the earth and of those far off on the seas;

Who by Your might have founded the mountains, being girded with power,

Who still the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the tumult of the peoples,

So that those who dwell in earth's farthest parts are afraid of signs of Your presence. You make the places where morning and evening have birth to shout for joy.

You visit the earth and saturate it with water; You greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; You provide them with grain when You have so prepared the earth.

You water the field's furrows abundantly, You settle the ridges of it; You make the soil soft with showers, blessing the sprouting of its vegetation.

You crown the year with Your bounty and goodness, and the tracks of Your chariot wheels drip with fatness.

The pastures in the uncultivated country drip with moisture, and the hills gird themselves with joy.

The meadows are clothed with flocks, the valleys also are covered with grain; they shout for joy and sing together.

Psalm 65 (amplified)

God is the one who chose me to come to Him. He wants me to be satisfied with dwelling in His courts and His house. Like the Psalm says, "One thing have I asked for of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and insistently require; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in His presence) all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty (the sweet attractiveness and the delightful lovliness) of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple." It has been a constant struggle against my flesh to kill my earthly desires and live by and in the Spirit daily and be satisfied with Jesus alone. It is so easy for me to "If only..." my life to death! "If only I had this" or "If only this person would...". But Jesus has simply asked me to trust Him. Like this scripture says, God is in every season and place with me, He is near. Every mountain top, raging sea, farthest place, pasture, field, hill, meadow and valley. He is there... Every place that my foot treads is either a place where God has blessed or is a place where God has asked me to again sacrifice my flesh and choose Him. Staring into the face of hardship and trouble and fear and even death often scares me back into the corner I once knew so well where I would forget about God and try to make things work out on my own. In every situation I am called to shout for joy and sing to the Lord. Facing my fears knowing that God is on my side and that He is way bigger than them gives me such hope and courage. I often find myself praying that Jesus would change my heart and you know what, I am shocked to see that He is! I thought I would never get better at relationships and my anger and unforgivness... but after today, going to court with my dad, I can see that God has totally changed my heart, a lot! Instead of anger and hatred, I found myself seeing my dad through the eyes of Jesus. I was overwhelmed with such compassion for him and I couldnt help but feel so broken for him. To feel alone and rejected and unsatisfied with life seems so hard for me. I dont know if I could live that way, and I dont know how he does it. I think God has let me see this for a very specific reason, and that reason is to cause me to fall on my knees in innercession for him. I desperately want my dad back, but first, he needs to return to his Dad, the one true Father. I know that God hears my cry's and prayers, and He is faithful to answer them, of that I have no doubt.

This last year has really shown me what desperation can do, and what God can do in it. Crisis and trouble and weariness have caused me to draw in closer to God than I ever have before. Sure there are times where I dont feel Him and wonder where He is, but I am always reminded by His Word that He is there and He never leaves, contrary to the failing and dying love this world has to offer. Jesus Christ is Love. I have to daily die to what my mind and all of my flesh tell me, and choose to believe that one truth, that Jesus is Love, because He is.

And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who begun a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return), developing that good work and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

Philippians 1:6

Constantly being drawn deeper,