Just three short days ago I was completely dissatisfied. I felt as though I had failed. I felt that I was no longer good enough to be called a child of God. I had lost my hope. Pastor Ken has declared that this year is going to be the year of New Hope... new hope in God and the promises He has for us. I will admit that I most certainly didn't feel this way and hadn't felt that way up until Tuesday morning. If you read my last post I am pretty sure you could tell from my tone that I wasn't a happy camper... Thankfully Jesus had a plan, like always. As soon as I posted my blog, I almost instantly had a comment from someone named Thankful Paul. I will admit it kinda freaked me out a little because my blog had only been posted for less than a minute before the comment popped up and I don't even know if you could have read it in that amount of time, AND it was from someone that I didn't even know. The comment said as follows: "After all this, there is only one thing to say: Have reverence for God, and obey His commands, because this is all that we were created for. Ecclesiastes 12:13" I sat staring at my computer monitor in complete shock. How and where and why had this person said this to me? So I looked up the verse and it said pretty much the same thing the Thankful Paul had written, "The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." Ecc. 12:13. I mulled over this scripture over and over to try and figure out exactly what God was trying to say to me, personally. How did this apply to me? GET READY!!! I am about to share with you what God has done over the last three days and it might get kinda long, because there was a lot, but oh well... !
Monday-
Ecclesiastes 5:1-7, 12:13-14
"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let you words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool's voice with many words. When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear... The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."
- Guard my steps- Every step I take on this journey I have to guard and fight for. When the enemy comes to take back ground, I cannot just let him.
- Listen- I can do so much and get "busy" in the presence of God but sometimes, he just wants me to listen, with my ears and my heart. So often I rush into the presence of God, tell him what I need, and then leave. I cannot imagine what that feel like to God... God forgive me for doing this.
- Pay the vow I vowed- If I commit to do something for God, I cannot wait to do it, I cant delay.
- Dreams bring business and vanity- The wrong kinds of dreams, unrealistic and selfish ones, will only bring vanity into my life. I have to lay them down.
- Fear God Only.
- God sees EVERYTHING- Every secret thing (whether good or evil) will be exposed and judged.
The rest of this is straight out of my journal from devotions and my quiet time with Jesus... The Holy Spirit was pushing me out into new depths with God than ever before, and the whole time, Jesus' love was just pouring out, but so also was discipline. I'm putting myself out there right now, so I hope God speaks to you through this, because He sure did to me.
Tuesday-
Genesis 15:5-6: And He brought him outside (talking of Abram) and said, "Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them." Then He said to him, "So shall your offspring be." And he believed the Lord, and He counted it to him as righteousness.
- It's easy to not believe in myself the way God does. The enemy would love to tell me that I wont be effective in God's kingdom, that I wont change the world with my life. But here I see that God promises that my fruit will be more than the stars in the sky. Abram didn't have his son, yet... he had to choose to wait on God, then the promise would come.
Luke 6:20-23: And He (Jesus) lifted His eyes on His disciples and said: Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice on that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their father did to the prophets."
- I am Blessed when I am these things. It sounds kind of opposite. If I were to look through the world, these would be bad... but, when I look through the Holy Spirit, these are good. These verses show me that it is OK, and even expected, that I be poor, hungry, sorrowful, and rejected.
- God thank you for these verses. Help me remember them in my heart when I would want to have a bad attitude about a situation in my life. Thank you for your promises!
Luke 6:32-36: If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinner do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
- What is the difference between me and the "sinner" in these verses? Do I love the unloved and unloving, do I do good to those who don't deserve it, do I give to those who have nothing to give back? God loves me, has good for me, and freely gives to me - so do I do this for other as well? Not always... a lot of the times I will make a decision based on selfishness.
- God is challenging me to love, do good to, give to at least one person everyday who cant give back and/or doesn't deserve it. He has called me to not go through one day without doing this for, at the very minimum, one person.
- God thank you that you don't repay me as my sins deserve, but you see me through Jesus. I pray you would help me be someone who loves recklessly and unconditionally. Take out any roots of selfishness in my life and show me how to love the way you do. Help me remember that one person everyday, and point them out specifically to me. Help me step out of my comfort zone in faith and obedience. I love you so much Jesus - I praise you! Thank you that you are continuing the good work you started in me.
Luke 6:47-49: Everyone who comes to me (Jesus) and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on a rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who heard and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great. God is calling me to dig deep and quit trying to lay foundation on unsolid ground, and broken pieces of my "try's" from the past. It's not about appearing to be holy, but actually living holy, in the secret place with God.
- God I pray that you would help me go deep! No more surface level crap anymore! I pray against any strong hold Satan is trying to set up in my life, and I command you to leave! I am a child of God. I call forth a pure and undivided heart and spirit, not by my own strength but by the power of the Living God! God I am ready to commit. Help me not get prideful in thinking that I have "arrived", because I certainly haven't. God I need your help to do all of this. Thank you for speaking to me. I love you with all of my heart. I am excited to see what you are going to be doing, in Jesus' name... AMEN!
Wednesday-
Genesis 18:10-15: The Lord said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son." And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" The Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard (wonderful) for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son." But Sarah denied it, saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. He said, "No, but you did laugh."
- God has big plans for Abraham and Sarah. He tells them point-blank "You will have a son." But because of circumstances and fear, Sarah laughs at the thought of it. Her faith that God could do it was severely lacking.
- Do I do this to God? Do I take His word or promises lightly? God is absolutely serious and excited about what He has for me. Whom have I chosen to believe?
- God I repent for anytime that I have shrugged off something you spoke to me. Forgive me Jesus. I call forth faith to rise up in my life. I speak to fear and pride and command you to leave, now, in the name of Jesus. Help me hear your voice God. Give me ears to hear and a heart to obey.
Psalm 3:3-4: But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried to the Lord, and He answered me from His holy hill.
Thursday-
Genesis 21:15-20a: When the water in the skin was gone, she put the child under one of the bushes. Then she went and say down opposite to him a good way off, about the distance of a bow shot, for she said, "Let me not look on the death of a child." And as she sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice and wept. And God heard the voice of the boy, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What troubles you Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is. Up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation." Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. And was with the boy, as he grew up.
- The boy is like God's word and his promise in my life. Hagar looses hope in the life of the boy when circumstances tell her he will die. I, in the same way, have easily given up on words and promises from God when things get rough, or when I see them through my flesh.
- God I pray that I would start seeing things in the spiritual realm, not with my physical eyes but with the eyes of my spirit. God forgive me for anytime that I missed the mark because I lost hope and gave up. God give me perseverance... I love you Jesus.
Genesis 22:2: He said, "Take you son, your only son Isaac whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."
- God is calling me to lay down and sacrifice the thing I place before him. What is that God? My pride, putting my worth in my self image, and people pleasing.
- God I gladly lay down these things, I ask you to take them from me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Just going over these things, while I have typed them out, God has spoken to me even more than what I journaled on... This week has been so humbling and God has pointed out some major things in my life that I need to change. I haven't been living "hot" for God, only lukewarm, and that's why it hasn't been working. I felt like I was only going through the motions each day, and nothing more. My joy, growth, and satisfaction in life is not going to come from Cascade Life Commission, my friends, or even just myself. The only thing that will truly satisfy me is Jesus Christ, and that's what I realized this week. I had thought that I knew this all along, but I only knew it in my head, and I wasn't actually living it out. God has really called me forth to be not just a Kingdom talker, but a Kingdom walker... walking out each day, knowing that I am not perfect and that there is still plenty for me to learn and experience and grow in. Walking out each day with the intent of Jesus Christ increasing and me decreasing. Walking out each day relying on the grace of God and not my own strength. Walking out each day to carry my cross. There is so much more I wish I could figure out how to say to you, but you are probably thankful that I'm not because this post is so freakin' long... but in the end, I guess this one verse sums up what God has shown me this week, and it was from today's reading:
And Jesus said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me
Luke 9:23
With the grace of God,
Still Running,
Elyxis
Andrea made a sign... and it was awesome :)
Damon.
Ok, so here are the friendly security guards...
And here are the pissed off ones...
The Girls!
I see you.... mwah ha ha!
Taryn!!!
Stacia warming her hands on the chicken thingy at Rays... :)
Our group that went out on Adopt-a-Block
So we met this guy named Art who had a dog names Shadey, and the dog had a binkie, yep!
Andrea! yay!
Mykala, my sista...
Seth with an overly large smile.... ?
Lisa and Brittany
Stacia!
The Volunteers
And lastly, my Backporch coffee and myself...glorious
I Heart Prineville! 
And lastly, my Backporch coffee and myself...glorious
I Heart Prineville! 
