Lonliness, together.

I have been thinking a lot over the past couple weeks about this statement. I read last week about Jesus being betrayed and crucified. God reminded me of Jesus' humanity in that moment, and his loneliness. I think its easy to start to feel lonely in this world when you don't have someone, the someone. I promise not to get all corny or cheesy cheese on you, just wanted to post something that's been on my heart. I have watched one of my best friends get engaged and my other best friend start a relationship. They are both amazing people and I love them so so much. Their relationships are holy and pure... I admire them and am really happy for them both. But as I watch these two enter into a new season of their lives, I have felt a little like I've been hung out to dry... that I'm sometimes forgotten. Not by my friends, no! But by God. Its a risky statement, I would say... to say that God has forgotten me. But as I read in Luke, and walked through Jesus' Crucifixion, I understood a different part of the heart of God. I cannot even imagine how alone and forgotten Jesus felt as he was beaten and hung on the cross. It can sound so cliche, you hear it enough... "Jesus died for me on a cross", and once you hear it enough, you think its common, and once you think that, it has lost purpose, which leaves you feeling alone. You feel like your the only one going through hard things. You feel like everyone else has someone and you still have no one. The moment that the sin of the world came upon Jesus and the Father had to turn away..... that's loneliness. I forget so easily that Jesus went through it for me so that I didn't have to. He was lonely so that I could be loved, He was forgotten about so that I could be forgiven, He was thrown out by the world and by heaven so that I could know God... how long is it going to take for me to get this in my thick skull! It's true, I do want my someone, but God is teaching me to want Him more than I want them. It's hard, and I feel alone in it. But Jesus is here. He's has been through this valley as well, and He knows what I need, and what I want. I can say that I feel forgotten by God, and I'm sure it hurts his heart when I say that, but the Truth is this: He has engraved me on the palms of his hands, He is constantly making intercession for me at the right hand of the Father, He died for me, His thoughts toward me are good and lovely, He has good plans for my life... He holds my hand... He holds my tiny little heart in his hands... He loves me... I have to learn that that's all I need, I have to know it in the very deepest part of my heart, or else I will strive in this world for nothing, for things that don't satisfy. I never want to have to look back at my life in regret. God has shown me so much in these last couple of weeks how relationships don't fill any spot in your heart if you haven't let him have the whole thing first. A man was not meant to carry the weight of my heart... God made me with the intent of carrying my heart himself... that's something I love about him. This journey takes a lot of faith, not in happenstance, but in Jesus. I know He's with me...

Joy is love exulting, Peace is love reposing, Long suffering is love untiring, Gentleness is love enduring, Goodness is love in action, Faith is love on the battlefield, Meekness is love under discipline, Temperance is love in training...

Learning to Love,
Elyxis

My God is so Good.

God is good. I've heard that about a katrillion times! I've thought about it and thought I understood what it meant... God is for me, he's on my side, he has good plans for me... I've heard it all many times over. I can honestly say now that I know and believe it in my heart! These past two weeks have been more incredibly faith challenging than anything I have ever been through. Spiritually and naturally. Like I said in my last blog, this summer has felt long and distant and dry. God seemed so far away. In the natural, I was running out of time to come up with the rest of my CLC money. It seemed that from every angle, everything was going wrong... oy. But God is good, and he DOES have a plan, even when I cant see it!
At encounter this year, God showed me so much about himself and about me. I went in not really knowing what to expect, except that it was going to be way different then 1st year... thats about it. I was really excited though! I soon gave into the frustration that I had been feeling all summer as we started our first session at wildhorse. During worship, I felt nothing. During the lesson, nothing. I found myself trying to force myself to something, anything. I was angry at myself and disappointed that I couldnt find God. I prayed and searched and felt like I was going no where, fast. I cant really explain what was going on or what I was feeling, it was just this desperation that if I didnt find God, I would literally die, my spirit would die. On the last night, as I went in for prayer, I still felt like I hadnt really connected with God at all. I hated it, thats for sure. As Bo, Lindsay, and Katie prayed for me though, this hope welled up inside my heart and as they delivered their words for me, something just clicked inside... the light had been switched on. It was like going from light to dark, all over again. Like I've mentioned before, this summer has for sure been a wilderness one... dry, gross, tiring. As they spoke with me, I came to the realization that it really was God who had drawn me there, with him. I had said it so many times, "God has brought me here for a reason", but I think deep down I didnt really believe that God was with me in the desert... I felt so alone. I had forgotten dreams, and hopes, and vision, and goals, and callings... I had forgotten them all. God started something that night as I sat there. Since that night, God has been restoring the things he had spoken to me and the things he had promised me. I hate it that I forget so easily what He's done for me when times get tough! I have this incredible hope and faith now. Hope that there's more to find and faith to go look for it. God's grace astounds me!
So I came out of encounter with this renewed vision and passion and then found myself back in the problems that I had left at home... mainly the issue that I had barely half of the first payment for CLC. But I had such faith that God would provide... and He did, but there was a big area of uncertainty for me. He gave me supernatural faith to believe for the rest, but in the natural I saw no possible way it was going to come through. To make the story short, God provided $700 dollars for me the day before the last day I could turn in money or not do CLC. Lots of prayer and tears, I tell ya... It scared the crap out of me to think that I might not be able to do CLC! It grew my faith so much to see God come through. I knew he would!
Then coming right out of this miracle, I ran hard right into I Heart Bend. It was awesome. All the past I heart events, I've felt that God moved, but I dont think I've ever experienced the love of God for a city before this event. My day started at 5:30 and ended at about 10:30. I got to the church, blew up baloons, ran stuff over to the Nazarene church, prayed with a homeless couple, ran over to Healey Hights, gave away stuff, prayed with a lady there, went door to door with two very cool people (Lily Smith and Alexa McBride!), went to lunch with Lily, went home, left 10 minutes later to go get on the dream kids bus, got to Drake, face painted for 3 hours, sat down for 30 minutes during highstreet, then loaded red chairs and cleaned up the park, then walked to my car which was literally 8 blocks away, drove home, and then passed out for many hours, glorious glorious hours! Whew! I say all this not for any other reason than this: I was tired. I served and loved Bend for one day... and I was tired. As I drove home I just started crying because I was tired. God spoke to me and just downloaded his heart for me and for my city in that very moment. I was tired after one day. God is relentless. He does this day and night, never stopping to take a break. Jesus is constantly at the right hand of the Father interceding for me and for everyone. He never stops. I realized just how weak and feeble and human I am. I was tired after one day! Oh the depths of the love of Christ... I cannot fathom or understand it. I saw how we loved our city and heard the stories of so many people being touched by the love of Christ, and it was only one day. God showed me that if the church would just be the church, and love like this everyday, our city would be so so much different. I thought about all the people I crossed paths with that day. God goes after them every single day, wanting them to know him and his love. He tries to get their attention. He tries to use you and me... how many times do we ignore the voice of the Lord and choose not to talk with someone we see. I know I do it all the time. God birthed in me a heart for the lost that I've never had before. He left me with this question: Are you going to let I Heart Bend be the only day that you pray for your city, the only day you serve strangers, the only day that you actually care? Its for sure something I've thought about, and something that has consumed me, heart and mind. My prayer to God right now is to not let me forget about those he cares about.
Switching gears a little bit, here are some pictures from Encounter till I Heart Bend and everything in between!

No better way to start something than with Spongebob... thats my motto!

Encounter!!!!

Tim :D

My Best Friend !

The whole fam.

Brittany and me at the fire pit!

Tim and Brittany <3

Lola... our new dog!

The foot says it all :)

oh, you know, just some water bottles.

Randomly, Bend Burger was welcoming us :)

Me and Lily had a fun morning/afternoon :)

Thats really all I got for now! So excited for fall in bend! Whoo Hooo!!!!!!!!!

Joy, joy, joy!

Elyxis

Scarlet

Middle of nowhere
Finally you can breathe
Nobody knows your name
It's easier
Shut your eyes tightly
Clench your fists 'til they almost bleed
Cautiously, lightly
Gently expose what's underneath
And all you feel now
Is the scarlet in the day
Even it's real
You can't stay...
-
So there you go
You're gone for good
There you go
You're gone for good
-
Your mind is swollen
From months of thought without release
They've taken their toll on you
This very moment
Of timid and fragile honesty
Is precious and rare and fleeting
And all you feel now
Is the scarlet in the day
Even it's real
You can't stay...
-

This summer has been really interesting, least to say. I have been in a constant battle with my flesh as it has tried to crawl off of the altar. It can only be described as one would describe a tiring, never ending battle, where you're exhausted but there is just no way you can quit, even if you wanted to. I have walked in a season where I've done my best to hold it all in and all together. I've done my best to convince God, with all my clever prayers and lofty thoughts, that I'm doing fine. With this impossible struggle, I have found that I've been driven into the wilderness, feeling alone, all alone. When I fake it, it turns out that the joke is on me. I haven't escaped the attention of Jesus, He still knows me. I first listened to this song Scarlet the other day, and it seemed to strike a chord in my heart that I didn't even know was there. Months of thought without release... This is my life. I think that God has tried desperately for way to long to teach me something, and I've been reluctant to learn it. Every time I'm lead into the wilderness, I think something's wrong, that I've sinned or am somehow unforgiven by God and I need to earn him back. I try to get back to him on my own, not even realizing that He never even left...I'm the one walking out on him. He has tried to show me that in those desert seasons, He's wanting me to draw closer to him not go look for him somewhere else. God is the God of every season. Instead of abandoning God when I can't feel him, I should be abandoning myself... gone for good. He waits for me to expose what's underneath. He wants my timid and fragile honesty. I've let the feeling of God's presence define whether or not he was there. God's presence is so much more vast than my simple perceptions of him. He goes way beyond all of it. This summer has been dry, and hard, and I don't think I have ever felt farther from God, ever. But this one thing I have come to realize... It's not about whether I can feel him or not. I know in the very depths of my heart that He hasn't moved, he's still right next to me, holding my hand the whole way. It's been a summer that has greatly challenged my faith... I know there have been moments where I failed that test, but God is teaching me to trust. I have got to learn to trust him deeply, and I don't think there is any other way. He wants my flesh gone for good. And so do I. I don't really know what I could say right now to convey just how much I love Jesus, and his grace over my life. Sometimes I guess it just takes a personal meeting, in the middle of nowhere, with God.
Still waiting,
Elyxis

The last couple of weeks :)

These last couple of weeks have been a blast! I havent been taking as many pictures as normal but here are just a few...

Drake park with Andrea!

Me taking a picture of Andrea, taking a picture of me... yes.

Too cool for school.

Taryn and all her might. !

Thomas' birthday day... the only pictures I took were the ones in the car. Somehow I forgot to take pictures of the rest of the day :) ha ha :)

That's really all i got... but Im leaving for camp today, so once I get back I will have some rad pictures for ya'll!

Peace.

Elyxis.

A Common Theme... Peace, Trust, Waiting, Protection, Strength

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock Eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4
"I, the Lord, watch over her; I water her continually. I guard her day and night so that no one may harm her." Isaiah 27:3
"May the God of peace... equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 20a-21
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him."
Isaiah 30:15,18
"The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." Isaiah 32:17
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress... He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is key to this treasure." Isaiah 33:2,6

God has been teaching me so much this past week! He has shown me a lot about myself and has started reteaching me a few things that I have forgotten. I realized today just how easy it is to get caught up in the affairs of this world, as I looked back on the past few months of my life. Most of my friends are gone in Africa right now... which means it's just been me and God. I went through all of high school as "just me and God", but since CLC, a whole family has been added to my life. Slowly, without even realizing it, I somehow became uncomfortable with just me and God. It's not that I didnt have a personal relationship with him or that I didnt pray or worship or anything like that... it's that I got so used to doing it with others, that I forgot how to do it alone. God has taken me through a journey this past week and has shown me how to trust in and wait on and persue him, on my own. I've gone through some mixed feelings about Africa, mainly that I really want to be there. But God has shown me that one of the reasons I'm not there, was so that I can relearn how to put ALL my hope and ALL my joy and ALL of my everything back in Him. He's taken me on long walks and bike rides and has helped me to find my identity in Him again. To be completely honest, before now, I found a lot of my happiness and peace in my friends, not God. I'm slightly embarrassed about this, but it's just the truth. I'm thankful God is showing me this now in my life and not later. This lesson will carry on through my whole life: with other friendships, with my marriage, and with my family. I CANNOT rely on these things or others to satisfy me, it all has to be in God's hands... not that these things are bad, but God created me to trust him. I dont even know if this post made any sense, but there it is. That's what's been going on. I hope all you all out there are having a good summer! Will post again soon!

Starting over (again),
Elyxis :)

Wow, It's Been A While :)

I havent been keeping up on this thing! Usually Im pretty good about it! These have been very crazy months. May 30th, I graduated form CLC, June 12th I left for Playa Del Carmen, Mexico, and just got back almost 2 weeks ago. Its been a great summer so far! I've posted most of these pictures to facebook, but to keep with tradition, I'll post them here too :)
Let's start with CLC Graduation!

Mexico!!!!!

Our first outreach! We saw tons of healings and God set a lot of people free...

Spongebob

Joscelyn!

Damon

Paula got baptized!

Me and Christina led worship!

4th Of July Weekend!

Stacia's surprise party!
Stacia's Birthday day :)

We saw a crazy guy swimming in the river when it was like freakin 12 degrees.

Sunriver

Summer Fest

My cousin... random, but whatev...

I Heart Sisters

Last day of CLC- CLC guys v. Westside Staff (WE SO WON)

MTI Graduation!

The sesspool of relational bliss

And, that's really all for now!

More thoughts coming soon!

Lovin' Jesus,

Elyxis

Day 40 and Day 1...

Wow... I cannot describe to you what God has done these last 40 days. He has revealed to me so many truths and promises for my life and has broadened my picture of what the future looks like. I count this as day 40, but also day 1 of something new. I'm excited to see what Jesus does. Yay Jesus! Yesterday was the last day of Cascade Life Commission, and even now as I write this, I'm tearing up just thinking of all that God has done in all 15 of us in CLC. I have watched old, dead lives fall away and callings, anointings, and authority come upon all of us in a way we could have never expected. Jesus is so faithful! Mindsets have been replaced and spirits have been awakened... I cannot imagine what my life would be like right now if I hadnt done CLC. I have learned to trust Jesus with my whole heart and learned to find my identity IN HIM. I have watched as everyone else has found themselves in the middle of God's purposes for their lives as they have surrendered their will to Jesus. I'm blown away at the complete perfectness of God's plan. All of us have grown into a strong, immovable, united force to be reckoned with... I know the enemy is quaking in his boots right now because he knows what God has done and what God has called us to.
I wanna take a moment and just give encouragement to my fellow students:

Andrea: Thank you for your friendship this year! God has so many amazing things for you and I cannot wait to see how He uses you! Never stop fighting for what God has done in you...

Sabrina: Thank you for always bringing joy to the classroom. This year would not have been the same without you. Never doubt the authority you have in Christ. Go get 'em!

Taryn: Thank you for letting God change and rebuild in you. It takes a lot of courage to do that. I have watched God starting to unfold in you something beautiful and unique. Dont shy away from it! I love you so much :)

Candace: Thank you for your heart. God has seen your heart and He loves it! You have been an encouragement to me this year... I will always remember this year. Continue to fight for the words He has given you and never tire of doing so. You will change the world.

Lisa: You are anointed with the oil of joy and gladness. Thank you for your gentleness and kindness. Never fortget what God has done in and through you. He has made you a fighter. The world needs you.

Stacia: Thank you for your faithfulness. In small things and large things alike you have been diligent and faithful and God sees that! You have been such an example to me in your faith. Continue to walk in the calling that God has placed on your life. Love ya girl!

Amber: Jesus has anointed you to lead. Thank you for sacrificing this year in order to be obedient to Christ. I pray that God blesses you as you walk out this next season. He will never leave you hanging, trust in that.

Brittany: Jesus loves your childlike faith. Never doubt the power you have in Christ. I have watched you grow into an incredible women of God. Love covers all things... never stop loving. Trust God, He loves you :)

Seth: Thank you for making things fun! Jesus wants to pair your personality with His calling and make an explosion. I see you changing the world and it makes me so excited for you! Never forget where you came from... God will use that to impact those around you. Love ya brother.

Damon: You have a gift and God is going to use you beyond what you think you can even do. God will light your path, never worry about the next step. Thank you for all the laughs this year! (and dont worry, I've forgiven you about the whole messing up my car thing) :)

Dustin: Jesus see's your whole life and He is excited about it! Know that God has called you and chosen you to lead people. Thank you for loving Jesus with your whole heart. Never grow tired of running... Love ya brother :)

Tim: This year would not have been the same without you! You are awesome! Jesus is already using you beyond what you see. Never think that because you cant see it now, He isnt moving... because He is. God has anointed you to proclaim the good news of the cross, walk in it!

Brad: Jesus has placed in you such an anointing to lead young people. The drums are the heartbeat of music and you likewise will be the heartbeat of Christ to those around you. Never grow weary of doing good...

Thomas: I have watched God transform you as you have layed your own life on the altar and sacrificed it all. You have been such an example to me of how I should live with Christ. Thank you for not loving your life, even to the point of death. Continue to be obedient! Im excited to see how God uses you in this next season.

I love you all so much... thank you for being my family. I pray that God continues to change you on the inside and in turn, use you to change the world. I believe that there is so much more we havent even tapped into yet. Dont stop looking, searching, praying, seeking, worshiping, loving, giving, serving, growing, changing, dying, listening, speaking, leading, rising, or trusting. Jesus loves you. He is not finished. He is faithful. He will never give up. He is worthy. He is our Truth. He is our life. He is the only way. Dont loose sight of Him. Be obedient. Dont give up! This is only the beginning...

Walking out of this year empowered, anointed, and ready to change the world,

Elyxis

(Pictures and videos coming soon!)

Days 3-6

Who knew what a bunch of healthy food could do to one person! I have actually been so sick this whole week as my body detox's and tries to get all of those bad things out of me... and boy has that been fun! Not only physically have I been attacked but emotionally and spiritually and in just about everything else I can think of. On day 4, God spoke to me clearly out of 1 Samuel 17. As many of you know, this chapter recounts the story of David and Goliath. I started reading the story like I have many times, expecting to journal about overcoming my fears or getting rid of some giant in my life... but God had something else in mine, thank goodness. As I started reading it, I immediately noticed the role that Armor had in the chapter.

17:4-7

"And a champion went out of the camp of the Philistines named Goliath of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span (about 10 feet). And he had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of mail, and the coat weighed 5,000 shekels of bronze. He had bronze shin armor on his legs and a bronze javelin across his shoulders. And the shaft of his spear was like a weavers beam; his spear's head weighed 600 shekels of iron. And a sheild bearer went before him."

17:38-40

"Then Saul clothed David with his armor; he put a bronze helmet on his head and clothed him with a coat of mail. And David girded his sword over his armor. Then he tried to go, but could not, for he was not used to it. And David said to Saul, I cannot go with these for I am not used to them."

Jesus simply asked me whose armor I was trying to wear. The enemies armor looks big and secure. Have I been hiding behind and protecting myself with the ways of the world? Things like valuing money, friends, "me time", and my own pride more than I value God. I have found it so easy to go and hide behind these things or even use them as an excuse to avoid what I know God is wanting me to do. These things aren't bad! It only becomes dangerous when I place more worth into them than I do my relationship with God. The armor Saul tried to give David probably wasn't bad at all, either. Imagine, it was from the king! It was probably top-notch stuff! The most expensive, protective and reliable armor ever... but it wasn't David's armor. God revealed to me that even if the armor I'm wearing isn't necessarily bad, if it's not the armor HE's given me to wear, then I will not live the full life He promised for me.

17:40

"And David took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones out of the brook and put them in his shepherds bag (a whole kids skin slung from his shoulder) in his pouch, and his sling was in his hand, and he drew near the philistine."

Ephesians 6:14-17

"Stand therefore (hold your ground), having tightened the belt of truth around your loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and moral rectitude and right standing with God, and having shod your feet in preperation to face the enemy with the firm-footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news of the Gospel of Peace. Lift up over all the covering shield of saving faith, upon which you can quench all the flaming missiles of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit wields, which is the word of God"

6:12

"For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood (contending only with physical opponents), but against the powers, against the master spirits who are the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere."

17:45-47

"Then said David to the philistine, You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the ranks of Israel, Whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will smite you and cut off your head. And I will give the corpses of the army of the philistines this day to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saves not with sword and spear, for the battle is the Lord's, and He will give you into our hands."

So where do all these scriptures leave me? They lead me to and keep me in victory! It is really easy to live in a victim's mentality. "There's nothing I can do to help, I'm hopeless and God can't use me, I'm too young, old, small, big, shy, clumsy, dumb, sinful" and the list goes on and on. But the fact of the matter is, if I will just get off my high horse, kill my pride, skip the funeral, and just do what God tells me to (the right way!), I would LIVE in victory 24/7.

Romans 12:1-3

"I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of all the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world (this age, fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial, customs) but be transformed (changed) by the entire renewal of your mind (by its new ideals and its new attitude), so that you may proove for yourselves what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect in His sight for you. For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought (not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance), but to rate his ability with sober judgement, each according to the degree of faith apportioned of God to him."

Well, I have no idea how to wrap this up, or if this all even ties in together... but God gave it to me so I will take it for what it's worth and just apply it to me life.

Wearing the right armor,
Elyxis

Day 2

The Lords Call:
"Now go and smite Amalek and utterly destroy all they have; do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and donkey."
Saul's response:
"Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, oxen, fatlings, lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them; but all that was undesirable or worthless they destroyed utterly."
Saul was anointed by God to lead the nation. He had all he could ever need. From the outside, he looked put together, wise, and powerful. Unfortunately for Saul, his heart was not so. Partial obedience robbed Saul of his anointing, authority in the natural kingdom and ultimately robbed him from having influence in THE Kingdom.
"...Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king."
His heart was rotten! Much like a contaminated river, if his heart was full of the poison of selfishness, greed, lust for power, and the need for independance from God, no matter how clear that river appears or how smoothly it flows, it is still full of poison and it is leathal.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, Look not on his appearance or at the height of his stature, for I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."
My Response:
What in my own life has God asked me to kill, that I have refused to kill completely?
Jesus, forgive me for being disobient. God I want all that You have for me. Please reveal what I need to change. I pray against any selfish desires in my own heart and ask that you would replace them with an obedient spirit and attitude. Jesus you were obedient to the point of death on the cross... I am so far from that! I pray that I would be one who obeys, no matter what the cost is. Examine my heart and try me and see if there be any evil way in me. Jesus I am all yours. Thank you for your love and grace. I claim your grace over my life and hide in the shadow of your wings knowing that I am safe there. I love you Father. Amen.

2/40
Elyxis

Day 1

So I will be embarking on a 40 day journey and today was day 1. God has called me to set aside these next 40 days for very specific reasons and has asked me to seek Him diligently for those things. I will try to record thoughts from my days (or weeks, if I don't get around to doing this each day) and I hope that through it, God will speak to you as well! Here we go...

Day 1:
The thief has come to steal, kill, and destroy.
Can I hear a "Duh."
I have found, after one short day of this journey, that the enemy is already trying to steal what God is trying to do. And you wanna know what I say to that? Bite me! Satan can try all his sly tricks he wants to, but I know that my God is so much bigger. Today has really been a rough day, I'm not gonna lie. Satan has come in the area of relationships and tried to ruin friendships that I hold very dear... and I'm not going to stand for it. Not only is the enemy aware of what I'm doing, but so is my flesh. My own pride and anger and selfishness have been working overtime today! Gosh dang it! I'm getting more angry as I type this because I know that there is so much I could be doing way better. But I know that Christ is made strong in my weaknesses.
Lesson learned today:
If I live in the Spirit I will not satisfy or gratify the desires of my flesh.

1/40
Elyxis

Being Near

As things in my life get more chaotic, I often find myself wondering, "Where are You God?" I have been trying to understand the fact that just because things start getting hard, it doesn't mean that God is any less near to me. I have also come to realize that it is not me who causes God to come near... it's not my asking or begging or good works or good character that cause God to draw near to me. Sure I have a part in it, He tells me to seek after Him, but in the end, it is Him who comes to me. I cannot earn it and I certainly don't deserve it. God spoke to me out of Psalm 65 this morning. I was reminded that He is near in every season , climate, landscape, and every minute of every day.

To You belongs silence (the submissive wonder of reverence which burst forth into praise) and praise is due and fitting to You, O God, in Zion; and to You shall the vow be performed.

O You, Who hear prayer, to You shall all flesh come.

Iniquities and much varied guilt prevail against me; yet as for our transgressions, You forgive and purge them away (make atonement for them and cover them out of Your sight)!

Blessed is the man whom You choose and cause to come near, that he may dwell in Your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.

By fearful and glorious things do You answer us in righteousness, O God of our salvation, You Who are the confidence and hope of all the ends of the earth and of those far off on the seas;

Who by Your might have founded the mountains, being girded with power,

Who still the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the tumult of the peoples,

So that those who dwell in earth's farthest parts are afraid of signs of Your presence. You make the places where morning and evening have birth to shout for joy.

You visit the earth and saturate it with water; You greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; You provide them with grain when You have so prepared the earth.

You water the field's furrows abundantly, You settle the ridges of it; You make the soil soft with showers, blessing the sprouting of its vegetation.

You crown the year with Your bounty and goodness, and the tracks of Your chariot wheels drip with fatness.

The pastures in the uncultivated country drip with moisture, and the hills gird themselves with joy.

The meadows are clothed with flocks, the valleys also are covered with grain; they shout for joy and sing together.

Psalm 65 (amplified)

God is the one who chose me to come to Him. He wants me to be satisfied with dwelling in His courts and His house. Like the Psalm says, "One thing have I asked for of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and insistently require; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in His presence) all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty (the sweet attractiveness and the delightful lovliness) of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple." It has been a constant struggle against my flesh to kill my earthly desires and live by and in the Spirit daily and be satisfied with Jesus alone. It is so easy for me to "If only..." my life to death! "If only I had this" or "If only this person would...". But Jesus has simply asked me to trust Him. Like this scripture says, God is in every season and place with me, He is near. Every mountain top, raging sea, farthest place, pasture, field, hill, meadow and valley. He is there... Every place that my foot treads is either a place where God has blessed or is a place where God has asked me to again sacrifice my flesh and choose Him. Staring into the face of hardship and trouble and fear and even death often scares me back into the corner I once knew so well where I would forget about God and try to make things work out on my own. In every situation I am called to shout for joy and sing to the Lord. Facing my fears knowing that God is on my side and that He is way bigger than them gives me such hope and courage. I often find myself praying that Jesus would change my heart and you know what, I am shocked to see that He is! I thought I would never get better at relationships and my anger and unforgivness... but after today, going to court with my dad, I can see that God has totally changed my heart, a lot! Instead of anger and hatred, I found myself seeing my dad through the eyes of Jesus. I was overwhelmed with such compassion for him and I couldnt help but feel so broken for him. To feel alone and rejected and unsatisfied with life seems so hard for me. I dont know if I could live that way, and I dont know how he does it. I think God has let me see this for a very specific reason, and that reason is to cause me to fall on my knees in innercession for him. I desperately want my dad back, but first, he needs to return to his Dad, the one true Father. I know that God hears my cry's and prayers, and He is faithful to answer them, of that I have no doubt.

This last year has really shown me what desperation can do, and what God can do in it. Crisis and trouble and weariness have caused me to draw in closer to God than I ever have before. Sure there are times where I dont feel Him and wonder where He is, but I am always reminded by His Word that He is there and He never leaves, contrary to the failing and dying love this world has to offer. Jesus Christ is Love. I have to daily die to what my mind and all of my flesh tell me, and choose to believe that one truth, that Jesus is Love, because He is.

And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who begun a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return), developing that good work and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

Philippians 1:6

Constantly being drawn deeper,

Elyxis

Beaches, Friends, Jesus... What is Better?

We had a fantastic time at the Beach! CLC packed up and we headed to Pacific City... Thank you David and Julie Parsons for inviting us all! We had a blast! Here are some pictures, they arent in order, in fact they are kinda going in backwards order, but whatever :)










Here's me being freezing!

Someone's shoes... Who's? I dont know. Did the person wearing them ruin them by getting them full of sand? Absolutely. Does she feel really bad? Yes. I'm sorry :(

Damons freakin cool pony...

Just some cool pictures of the beach...

Little Timmy :)

The guys

We went to this little cavern/cave thing and climbed down in there and it was really cool!

Dustin and Taryn way down there :)

Batman!

Andrea and I

Taryn and I

My freezing toes!

The crack... that's its official name.

Down in the cave place you saw earlier...

Me, Amanda, Andrea and Taryn at the top of the biggest sand dune ever!

The view from that sand dune... it was so pretty up there :)

This is the story of their lives.

Like a quarter of the way up the sand dune... Damon's really excited about life in this picture.

Damon blinding me, while I blinded him at the same time with my flash!

Aren't we an attractive bunch!

Thomas....

Dutsin...

Thomas and Dustin

And then there was Taryn...

Lunch stop in Salem... many creepy things going on in this picture :)

Good thing Dustin pays attention when he drives or else I would be scared ... :)

I want to go back so badly!

The other story of their lives :)






Here is a video... it's quite funny :)

Switching gears, here are some thoughts from the last couple of weeks... straight from journaling/devotions and the like:

Judges 6:34 "But the Spirit of the Lord clothed Gideon with Himself and took possession of him..."

• How far I am from this! I haven't let the Holy Spirit come and continually clothe me and retain possession of me...
• Holy Spirit, forgive me for keeping you ar an arms distance. I dont know how, on my own, I can let you in, so with your grace and gentleness would you teach me to let you in. Help me draw my arms bakc, unclench my fists and let you embrace me. Holy Spirit I want you to come. I love you and need you, more than ever.
• God uses anyone who is willing. Gideon had doubt and fear, but look what God did! The Lord himself appeared to Gideon, to commission him, and gave him confirmations and miracles, one after another, and Gideon was still afraid.
• John 20:29 - "Jesus said to him, Because you have seen Me, Thomas, do you now believe (trust and have faith)? Blessed and happy and to be envied are those who have never seen Me and yet have believed and adhered to and trusted and relied on Me."
• Jesus, help me with my unbelief. I want to be one who believes, adheres, trusts, and relies on You. God change my heart more, I'm not satisfied with the way I'm living. Jesus I need you so badly. Thank you for where I have come, thank you for the transformation that I have seen, but I dont want it to stop here. God this year is only the very foundation of a lifetime I have with you. Help me remember this. I'm not going to be perfect, let alone "fixed" by the time CLC is over. Help me be wise with my time.

Psalm 17:15 - "As for me, I will continue beholding Your face in righteousness (rightness, justice, and right standing with You); I shall be fully satisfied, when I awake to find myself beholding Your form and having sweet communion with You."

• This verse is so amazing to me! In this chapter, David is crying out to God. People are accusing him left and right. He was chosen and anointed by God, and still trouble follows him. He says that his vindication is from God alone. He places his trust in God and surrenders the situation and ends it all with this verse! He will do what he knows is right and he will be satisfied if he awakes only to Jesus and the sweetness of their relationship... David had it figured out!
• Jesus, I pray that this verse would overwhelm my every thought and action. I dont want to be controlled any longer by the accusations and opinions of others. God help me live this verse out. My concern is to please you alone. Help me live in Christ's righteousness. Satisfy me with your love Jesus. I want to have sweet communion with You.

Love! 1 Corinthians 13 - I compiled a list of what Love is and isnt and it woke me up to just how much I dont live out of Love sometimes...

• Love is: enduring, patient, kind, rejoices when the truth comes out, bears up under anything and everything, ever ready to believe the best of everyone, hopes fadelessly no matter what the circumstance is, never weakening, takes no account of the evil done to it and true affection of God and man.
• Love isn't: envious, jealous, boastful, vainglorious, concieted, arrogant, inflated with pride, rude, insisting in it's own rights or way, self seeking, touchy, fretful, or resentful.
• I know what I need to work on!

The woman He has called me to be: Proverbs 31, and 1 Peter 3

31:27- "She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idlness (gossip, discontent, and self pity) she will not eat."

3:4- "But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is not anxious or wrought up, but is very precious in the sight of God"

• I can't really write what I wrote in my journal here, that gets a little too personal for comfort, but I will say this... God has not called me to be harsh in action, word, or thought. He has called me to be loving and gentle. I want my life to be marked by these qualities.
• Jesus, teach me how to love like you did. Quiet my soul from all of the distractions of this life and help me choose that one good thing, sitting at your feet. Forgive me for ever partaking in gossip, discontentment and self pity. I want to live the full life you have for me. Jesus I need you. Holy Spirit come and change my heart.

Well, that's really all I can say for now... I'm still processing these last couple of weeks. Jesus is so stinkin good! There's really no way that I can think of ending this post gracefully, so I guess this is it...

In sweet communion,

Elyxis

Time... Please Stop, for just a second!

Wow! These last two weeks have been crazy, busy, but SO fun! It's hard for me to realize just how close this year is to being over... and it makes me sad and happy at the same time. Sad because we are all going to be going seperate ways. Sure some of us are staying for 2nd year, but God hasnt called all of us to that. People will be moving and going off to college and the real world... I will miss everyone so much! But happy because God has done so much! I can see change in every one of us, and I love seeing what God has done. I'm happy because there are 14 more equiped adults and wittnesses ready to go into the world and share the good news. I start getting a little teary-eyed every time I think of graduation night. Memories from this year overwhelm me with joy and laughter. Here are a few, many probably already blogged about, but humor me...

• The dance party we had a Brittany's house (video in previous blog from october, i think)
• Dinner at Lisa's house on Mondays, so fun!
• The moments after the girls disrupted the man class, and Seth came out without his shirt, wearing a fake beard, a sombrero, and a sash. :)
• Truth or Dare at Lisa's house "Arr Arr, I'm a seal!"
• Damons Pony Tail :)
• Me falling down, a lot!
• When Thomas shaved his beard really cool...
• The many, MANY movies watched at Seth, Brad, Brittany, Andrea, and Lisa's (even though we never really watched them because we would just goof off and stuff)...
• The time when we were at seths and Lisa and I spun around like 50 times and then tried to run at each other and hug, oh boy, that was fun :)
• I Heart Bend and Prineville :)
• The many amazing prayer and worship times we had
• The Jay Jokes!
• Learning how to love each other, even after we had seen the worst, and were completely annoyed with each other... yes.
• Hair dying parties
• Hair cutting parties
• The time Andrea made me look hard core :)
• When Brad, Andrea, Lisa and I went to Paulina Peak!
• Sucking on the helium tank in the maintanance room (know that I never did that, except once, ok...)
• Finding the many wierd objects, bugs, and other unidentifiable things during maintanance rotations.
• New Years Eve at Brad's House! So fun!
• Tim's dancing, singing, and other merriments :)
• Rocketships (need I say more)!
• When Andrea and I almost got eaten like 7 different times from Brad's next door neighbor's killer white creepy dog.
• Sitting through multiple movies while listening to Dustin say EVERY line before it came, AHHHH!!!
• The many trips to chevron, backporch, newport market, and strictly organic.
• Snow ball fights and cookie-ing in the church parking lot.
• Volley ball and basket ball matches during monday lunches
• About 245,000 other "you had to have been there" moments

So, obviously my list got kinda long, and believe me, I could have kept going... but i will save those stories for another time :)

Here are some pictures from the last two weeks!

My awesome cabin at winter camp! Well not all of them, but most of them :)

Ice Skating with Taryin, Thomas, and Dustin

...wow...
Thomas breakdancing on the ice...

The coolest ice skating train ever!

So these next pictures are of Thomas and Dustin trying to make their "sexy" faces... well that's what they said... I'm not quite sure if they accomplished their goal, but it was pretty hilarious!

All of us...

Taryn and I!

Taryn and Thomas

You cant see it in this picture, but Thomas had his leg out like a figure skater and Dustin was pulling him... it was funny.

Mykala!

Kaitlyn, Mykala, and Josh

Kaitlyn, she's so freakin cool :)

The two goof balls...

Me and Mykala

...Oooo La La...

Christina

Kayla

Josh

The whole gang... we had so much fun :)

So, all in all, the last two weeks have been really fun. I'm really excited for spring break and hopefully I will get some sweet pictures from that and post them for you all to see.

God has been doing so much in me, I wouldnt even be able to tell you the difference I have seen in my life the last couple of months. I love Jesus SO much!

Elyxis.

Endurance

Endurance

waiting for a promise

out of breath

unbearable pain

costly sacrifice

patience

discipline

obedience

stormy roads

tired feet

weary soul

exhaustion

God's goodness

His faithfulness

and loving kindness

grace

growing

taking back ground

warriors

eyes fixed

more than conquerors

pushing through

release

let go

surrender

"We do strongly and earnestly desire for each of you to show the same diligence and sincerity all the way through in realizing and enjoying the full assurance and developement of your hope until the end, in order that you may not grow disinterested and become spiritual sluggards, but imitators, behaving as do those who through faith (by their leaning of the entire personality on God in Christ in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness) and by practice of patient endurance and waiting are now inheriting the promises."

Hebrews 6:11,12

"For the king understand about these things well enough, and therfore to him I speak with bold frankness and confidence. I am convinced that not one of these things has escaped his notice, for all this did not take place in a corner, in secret."

Acts 26:26

"Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace, the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners, that we may recieve mercy for our failures and find grace to help in good time for every need (appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it)."

Hebrews 4:16

"The Lord is my Strength and my impenetrable Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him. The Lord is their unyielding Strength, and He is the Stronghold of salvation to me, His anointed."

Psalm 28:7,8

"For we are Gods own handiwork, His workmanship, recreated in Christ Jesus, born anew that we may do those good works which God predestined, planned beforehand for us, taking paths which He prepared ahead of time, that we should walk in them, living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live."

Ephesians 2:10

"Therefore then, since we are surroinded by so great a cloud of witnesses who have borne testimony to the Truth, let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance, unnecessary weight, and that sin which so readily, deftly, and cleverely clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistance the appointed course of the race that is set before us, looking away from all that will distract, to Jesus, Who is the Leader and Source of our faith and is also its Finisher, bringing it to maturity and perfection, He, for the joy of obtaining the prize that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1,2

It's easy to get discouraged when my eyes drift away from my Saviors eyes.

I cannot afford to do that.

I hope these scriptures encouraged you like they have me.

Still working it out,

Elyxis

Worship.

So much is left out when one uses the word worship. When just said, the mighty depths and unsearchable grounds happened upon during worship are almost forgotten about. The unending waters of God's love have slowly carved a canyon in my heart where worship is something that I long for and need and rely on. It has this special place in my heart. I think it's that way because it's the place where I feel heaven come to earth. Like Moses and the Lord. God spoke to Moses as one does with a friend. I want my life to be so immersed in Jesus, that He can't help but come down and be with me. He truly is the love of my life. It's the place where the things of the world fall away, far from me, and the only thing that matters is the Lord. I have found myself constantly in worship this whole week, which I believe has truly transformed me from who I was, even last week. I have found myself in a place where the Spirit takes me from where I am. I literally feel like I am leaving the room where I am sitting. I have felt a growing hole in my heart, where an earthly father should be. Believe me, I have gotten so much prayer for this problem, but never before I have felt the Presence of my true Father like I have this week. It's one thing to know in my mind that God is a Father, but a completely different thing when I know that I know that God is my Father. He is more completely and wholly there for me, more than any other person can ever be for me. It's difficult for me to describe to you exactly how I feel. It's the deepest love I have ever known. His presence transcends everything I have ever experienced or known. I can feel my spirit dancing with His. He is so near.

"Sing to God, sing praises to His name, cast up a highway for Him who rides through the deserts -His name is the Lord- be in high spirits and glory before Him." psalm68:4

"They should seek God in the hope that they might feel after Him and find Him, although He is not far from each of us..." acts17:27

"Blessed be the Lord, Who bears our burdens and carries us day by day, even the God Who is our Salvation! Selah! God is to us a God of deliverances and salvation; and to God the Lord belongs escape from death, setting us free." psalm68:19,20

"O God, awe-inspiring, profoundly impressive, and terrible are You out of your holy places; the God of Israel Himself gives strength and fullness of might to His people. Blessed be God!" psalm68:35

"Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! Blessed, happy, fortunate, to be envied is the man who fears, revears and worships the Lord, who delights greatly in His commandments. His spiritual offering shall be mightly upon the earth; the generation of the upright shall be blessed." psalm112:1,2

"Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy; for I am the Lord your God" Lev.20:7

"And you shall be holy to Me; for I the Lord am holy, and have seperated you from the peoples, that you should be Mine." Lev.20:26

"But you shall not offer anything which has a blemish, for it will not be acceptable for you." Lev.22:20

"But you were purchased with the precious blood of Christ, the Messiah, like that of a sacrificial lamb without blemish or spot." 1peter1:19

"So shall you heartily accept my commandments and conform you life and conduct to them. I am the Lord. Neither shall you profane my holy Name, applying it to an idol, or treating it with irreverance or contempt or as a byword; but I will be hallowed among the Israelites. I am the Lord, Who consecrates and makes you holy, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your God. I am the Lord." Lev.22:31,32

"And now brethren, I commit you to God, I deposit you in His charge, entrusting you to His protection and care. And I commend you to the Word of His grace, to the commands and counsels and promises of His unmerited favor. It is able to build you up and to give you your rightful inheritance among all God's set-apart ones, those consecrated, purified, and transformed of soul." acts20:32

God, I feel, has been calling me to a higher standard of holiness or set-apart-ness, if you wish. I have felt like I have been living a holy life, but God has called me to give more. Honestly I don't know exactly what it looks like, but I know I have more to give to God.

Paralyzed by the Love of Christ,

Elyxis

Once Upon a Sunny Day...

Today Mykala and I went to Drake Park!

We had tons of fun :)

Mykala is now in a band, called Standing by a Fence...
Smiling and walking, one type of multi-tasking I can do :)

Trees.

Oh, you know, just me...

I love sunshine!!!

Yay!

Mykala :)

This is a duck, I named her hannah-fofanna

So beautiful!

Mykala again...

A cool artistic kind of shot...

- Fun and fancy free -

It's my model face, yeaaah :)

The cutest picture ever !

It was kinda bright, not that I'm complaining, I love it!

More ducks

Who knew my sister was part monkey, she climbed a tree...

Black and whites rock.

Another cute picture of Mykala

:)

:) again...

And this was yesterday down town, it was really pretty and rainy :)

So, Im really glad that it was sunny and some what warm today! It makes me really excited for spring!

Loving Life,

Elyxis

Just a Quick Thought.

Jesus gave me His heart on the cross... WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!?!?! I look back over my life and see the many times that I have taken His heart and just broken it. I have given Him every reason to abandon me, yet He remains faithful. Tonight I saw Jesus' grace in a whole new light. "Grace" is something that I have become almost used to and for the lack of a better word, immune to... not that the grace of God is in any way insufficient, but it has just become a common and under appreciated thing in my life. I knew it has been there, but I have just forgotten the power of it. God's grace is sort of like a trail in our lives, like a journey. It's commonly mistaken as something that's unattainable or mysterious or simply impossible. The truth is that God most definitely works everything out for the good of those who love Him. Each and every day, we encounter many different circumstances, problems, people, and challenges. Going mostly unnoticed, the grace of our Savior is all over everything. His grace is like a journey, in that it takes time and practice to learn how to except His workings in our lives. We have to remember that even in the seemingly bad situations, He is working it together for His good. The grace of God is mysterious because it is different for every person. God meets us where we are individually.
I can't even quite say what I want to about this subject because every time I try to put it into words, I am overwhelmed by the eternal and divine plan of God. Gosh! I guess all that's left now is to give Him my heart, again. It's a continual process, I have found. My heart is easily swayed if I don't surrender it over to Him.
So here's to you Jesus,
With love,
Elyxis

It's the Super Bowllll Jesus!

Here are a few pictures from this last weekend!

Here's my crazy best friend, she escaped from the psych ward - don't tell anyone though :)

Here's my sister, also crazy...
Jay was rockin' the 3D glasses too!
(And Andrea looking really scary)

No comment needed...

The cuddle couch :)

And on saturday we went to Ashley Brown's surprise baby shower... it was great to see her!

That's all :)

Elyxis

I Heart Prineville!

God Loves Prineville. So many amazing things happened this saturday, the 24th of January! God showed up in so many amazing ways and it blessed me to see Him blessing the socks of that city. Around 650-700 people came to the concert that night and nearly 80 recieved Christ! It was awesome... During the serving time, I know of at least 5 people that were lead to the Lord which is also really cool! I know I had fun that day and so did everyone else I talked to. God truly started something in Prineville that I know is not finished. I am excited to see the churches grow and cultivate the seeds of unity that were planted! All in all I can say that I am so pleased with the event and I know that to many people it was more than just an event. Salvation is here.
Here are some pictures from the day! (They are in backwards order, from evening to morning)

Andrea made a sign... and it was awesome :)

Damon.

Ok, so here are the friendly security guards...

And here are the pissed off ones...

Brad and Seth

The Girls!

I see you.... mwah ha ha!

Taryn!!!

Stacia warming her hands on the chicken thingy at Rays... :)

Our group that went out on Adopt-a-Block

So we met this guy named Art who had a dog names Shadey, and the dog had a binkie, yep!

Andrea! yay!

Mykala, my sista...

Seth with an overly large smile.... ?

Lisa and Brittany

Stacia!

The Volunteers

Brittany and Jess

And lastly, my Backporch coffee and myself...glorious

I Heart Prineville!

I Heart Prineville!

So last week we headed to Prineville to hand out tickets for the event this next weekend. It was super fun :) Here is Tim being hardcore

And the rest of us nor being hardcore, except Tim, of course :)
Tim being a nun...

Taryn and all her coolness!

A cool shot from the back seat...

Taryn :)

Damon... he was very happy.

Taryn found a cool book with 3D glasses, yep...

And, last but not least... Dustin and his serious, non-smiling face.

So, after all of the planning and prayer that has gone into this event, I can say with confidence and faith that I know God is going to move in the city of Prinville. I know He will. I am so excited to see what happens and I will be posting pictures next week and letting you all know what God does.... all I can say is- WATCH OUT PRINEVILLE!

His Presence.

Just three short days ago I was completely dissatisfied. I felt as though I had failed. I felt that I was no longer good enough to be called a child of God. I had lost my hope. Pastor Ken has declared that this year is going to be the year of New Hope... new hope in God and the promises He has for us. I will admit that I most certainly didn't feel this way and hadn't felt that way up until Tuesday morning. If you read my last post I am pretty sure you could tell from my tone that I wasn't a happy camper... Thankfully Jesus had a plan, like always. As soon as I posted my blog, I almost instantly had a comment from someone named Thankful Paul. I will admit it kinda freaked me out a little because my blog had only been posted for less than a minute before the comment popped up and I don't even know if you could have read it in that amount of time, AND it was from someone that I didn't even know. The comment said as follows: "After all this, there is only one thing to say: Have reverence for God, and obey His commands, because this is all that we were created for. Ecclesiastes 12:13" I sat staring at my computer monitor in complete shock. How and where and why had this person said this to me? So I looked up the verse and it said pretty much the same thing the Thankful Paul had written, "The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." Ecc. 12:13. I mulled over this scripture over and over to try and figure out exactly what God was trying to say to me, personally. How did this apply to me? GET READY!!! I am about to share with you what God has done over the last three days and it might get kinda long, because there was a lot, but oh well... !

Monday-
Ecclesiastes 5:1-7, 12:13-14
"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let you words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool's voice with many words. When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear... The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."

1. Guard my steps- Every step I take on this journey I have to guard and fight for. When the enemy comes to take back ground, I cannot just let him.
2. Listen- I can do so much and get "busy" in the presence of God but sometimes, he just wants me to listen, with my ears and my heart. So often I rush into the presence of God, tell him what I need, and then leave. I cannot imagine what that feel like to God... God forgive me for doing this.
3. Pay the vow I vowed- If I commit to do something for God, I cannot wait to do it, I cant delay.
4. Dreams bring business and vanity- The wrong kinds of dreams, unrealistic and selfish ones, will only bring vanity into my life. I have to lay them down.
5. Fear God Only.
6. God sees EVERYTHING- Every secret thing (whether good or evil) will be exposed and judged.

The rest of this is straight out of my journal from devotions and my quiet time with Jesus... The Holy Spirit was pushing me out into new depths with God than ever before, and the whole time, Jesus' love was just pouring out, but so also was discipline. I'm putting myself out there right now, so I hope God speaks to you through this, because He sure did to me.

Tuesday-

Genesis 15:5-6: And He brought him outside (talking of Abram) and said, "Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them." Then He said to him, "So shall your offspring be." And he believed the Lord, and He counted it to him as righteousness.

• It's easy to not believe in myself the way God does. The enemy would love to tell me that I wont be effective in God's kingdom, that I wont change the world with my life. But here I see that God promises that my fruit will be more than the stars in the sky. Abram didn't have his son, yet... he had to choose to wait on God, then the promise would come.

Luke 6:20-23: And He (Jesus) lifted His eyes on His disciples and said: Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice on that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their father did to the prophets."

• I am Blessed when I am these things. It sounds kind of opposite. If I were to look through the world, these would be bad... but, when I look through the Holy Spirit, these are good. These verses show me that it is OK, and even expected, that I be poor, hungry, sorrowful, and rejected.
• God thank you for these verses. Help me remember them in my heart when I would want to have a bad attitude about a situation in my life. Thank you for your promises!

Luke 6:32-36: If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinner do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

• What is the difference between me and the "sinner" in these verses? Do I love the unloved and unloving, do I do good to those who don't deserve it, do I give to those who have nothing to give back? God loves me, has good for me, and freely gives to me - so do I do this for other as well? Not always... a lot of the times I will make a decision based on selfishness.
• God is challenging me to love, do good to, give to at least one person everyday who cant give back and/or doesn't deserve it. He has called me to not go through one day without doing this for, at the very minimum, one person.
• God thank you that you don't repay me as my sins deserve, but you see me through Jesus. I pray you would help me be someone who loves recklessly and unconditionally. Take out any roots of selfishness in my life and show me how to love the way you do. Help me remember that one person everyday, and point them out specifically to me. Help me step out of my comfort zone in faith and obedience. I love you so much Jesus - I praise you! Thank you that you are continuing the good work you started in me.

Luke 6:47-49: Everyone who comes to me (Jesus) and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on a rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who heard and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great. God is calling me to dig deep and quit trying to lay foundation on unsolid ground, and broken pieces of my "try's" from the past. It's not about appearing to be holy, but actually living holy, in the secret place with God.

• God I pray that you would help me go deep! No more surface level crap anymore! I pray against any strong hold Satan is trying to set up in my life, and I command you to leave! I am a child of God. I call forth a pure and undivided heart and spirit, not by my own strength but by the power of the Living God! God I am ready to commit. Help me not get prideful in thinking that I have "arrived", because I certainly haven't. God I need your help to do all of this. Thank you for speaking to me. I love you with all of my heart. I am excited to see what you are going to be doing, in Jesus' name... AMEN!
  

Wednesday-

Genesis 18:10-15: The Lord said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son." And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" The Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard (wonderful) for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son." But Sarah denied it, saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. He said, "No, but you did laugh."

• God has big plans for Abraham and Sarah. He tells them point-blank "You will have a son." But because of circumstances and fear, Sarah laughs at the thought of it. Her faith that God could do it was severely lacking.
• Do I do this to God? Do I take His word or promises lightly? God is absolutely serious and excited about what He has for me. Whom have I chosen to believe?
• God I repent for anytime that I have shrugged off something you spoke to me. Forgive me Jesus. I call forth faith to rise up in my life. I speak to fear and pride and command you to leave, now, in the name of Jesus. Help me hear your voice God. Give me ears to hear and a heart to obey.

Psalm 3:3-4: But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried to the Lord, and He answered me from His holy hill.

Thursday-

Genesis 21:15-20a: When the water in the skin was gone, she put the child under one of the bushes. Then she went and say down opposite to him a good way off, about the distance of a bow shot, for she said, "Let me not look on the death of a child." And as she sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice and wept. And God heard the voice of the boy, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What troubles you Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is. Up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation." Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. And was with the boy, as he grew up.

• The boy is like God's word and his promise in my life. Hagar looses hope in the life of the boy when circumstances tell her he will die. I, in the same way, have easily given up on words and promises from God when things get rough, or when I see them through my flesh.
• God I pray that I would start seeing things in the spiritual realm, not with my physical eyes but with the eyes of my spirit. God forgive me for anytime that I missed the mark because I lost hope and gave up. God give me perseverance... I love you Jesus.

Genesis 22:2: He said, "Take you son, your only son Isaac whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."

• God is calling me to lay down and sacrifice the thing I place before him. What is that God? My pride, putting my worth in my self image, and people pleasing.
• God I gladly lay down these things, I ask you to take them from me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Just going over these things, while I have typed them out, God has spoken to me even more than what I journaled on... This week has been so humbling and God has pointed out some major things in my life that I need to change. I haven't been living "hot" for God, only lukewarm, and that's why it hasn't been working. I felt like I was only going through the motions each day, and nothing more. My joy, growth, and satisfaction in life is not going to come from Cascade Life Commission, my friends, or even just myself. The only thing that will truly satisfy me is Jesus Christ, and that's what I realized this week. I had thought that I knew this all along, but I only knew it in my head, and I wasn't actually living it out. God has really called me forth to be not just a Kingdom talker, but a Kingdom walker... walking out each day, knowing that I am not perfect and that there is still plenty for me to learn and experience and grow in. Walking out each day with the intent of Jesus Christ increasing and me decreasing. Walking out each day relying on the grace of God and not my own strength. Walking out each day to carry my cross. There is so much more I wish I could figure out how to say to you, but you are probably thankful that I'm not because this post is so freakin' long... but in the end, I guess this one verse sums up what God has shown me this week, and it was from today's reading:

And Jesus said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me

Luke 9:23

With the grace of God,

Still Running,

Elyxis

(no title)

I don't know!!! Wow, it is only the first day back in CLC and we haven't even had any class time or anything, and I feel completely just... oh, I don't even know the word for what I feel. It's not bad but its not really good either... (?) I just need to step it up... that's all I know! I feel semi-dissappointed with myself but I have no idea why... and I feel really excited, but not sure why either. Gosh this is so confusing. To anyone who may read this blog, I guess the reason for this post is to get it out there. The fact that I cannot keep going the way I am going!!! I am not doing anything bad or living a double life or anything rediculous like that, I just simply have not been giving it my all. I guess the term for it is lukewarm. That's it. That's what I feel. If I were God, I would want to spit me out too (no, I didnt just call myself God, I was just using it as an example...). I have never thought of the way I am living as lukewarm. That word brings to mind someone who loves Jesus at church but everywhere else is a terrible person, and someone who acts holy, but is really living in sin. Sure, I am not perfect, but I felt like I wasnt living like this. The fact of the matter is, being lukewarm simply means I am neither hot nor cold. The truth is, I am not hot (you know what I mean). I don't give Jesus everything, just the parts of my life I want to give Him. It is so humbling to realize this about myself. I suppose from the outside it may not look like this is my reality, but it is. I have hid this sad fact behind pride. I lead a small group, lead worship, help lead the Dream Kids Ministry, and do a ton of other things... but that's all I do, is do them. I am passionate about Jesus, dont get me wrong, I just know that God wants to go so much deeper with me. Gosh dang it! It's like the never ending process of me finding out more of me that I havent given over to God. For me, becoming a lukewarm christian begins when I find something in me that I hadnt known about, and then after finding it, choosing not to give it to God. I then become god over my life. Sorry if this is confusing, its sorta just coming out... I know God has my where he does for a reason and I am so thankful for that. He has shown me so much about myself since CLC started, and I just need to give those things over to Him. He created me. He knows the deepest part of me. He knows my secrets. He knows me better than I know myself.
I guess all I can do for now is rely on His grace, knowing that this is a journey and I can't get there over night... man I wish I could. I dont like being wrong, but I just am, and God is right.

Giving it all over,
Elyxis.

New Year's Eve, Oh My Gosh!

Wow, what a night! This year CLC and some other people went out to Brad's house in Lapine for a New Year's Eve party... and it was a freakin' cool party! We played tons of games, Rock Band, pool, ping pong, and did a whole bunch of other shenanigans! Here are some pictures of the night, hope you enjoy them!

The next morning, we were so awake!
Our team came in last place after all the games, so we got grills!

Dustin and his cool diaper :)

I got a a silly string hat...

Dustin and his cool diaper again!

Thomas and his cool diaper

Sabrina did the donut eating contest

Then people drew each other with their mouths

Sabrina

The guys got their make-up done... it was cool :)

Dustin... this is one of the many faces of the night, he wont let me show the others!

Andrea... I love her

Lisa played Rock Band, she is so hard core

Dustin

Andrea being hard core....

People playing pool

Thomas was way into Rock Band too :)

Brittany and Sabrina

Andrea again :)

We had so much fun! You missed out if you weren't there. All I can say is that it will be a hard party to beat, so CLC friends, start thinking of ideas!!!

Happy New Year Everyone!

This Year in Review...

Wow! This year has gone by really fast! So much has happened and it is amazing to look back and see where I thought I would be and where I actually am. This time last year, I was in high school, completely stressed out about trying to get all my graduation requirements in and totally unsatisfied with my life. A year ago, we moved into our house (the first house that I actually loved) and it felt like we were getting a fresh start. Let's see what has happened since the beginning of 2008:

• 2 moves for our family(3 for me)
• 2 cousins moved in, then moved out
• 2 online classes completed
• a total of 12 credits earned in one school year (normally you can only get 8)
• 1 trip to San Fransisco
• 33 friendships made and built with some amazing Life Skills students at Bend High
• First time being on the worship team
• 1 small group (Yeah Katie!)
• 3 roomates since last year (Michelle, Stacia, and currently my Mom...)
• Tons of relationships built
• A few lost...
• 1 Graduation from High School
• 1 car accident
• 1 hospital visit
• 1 trip to Nampa Idaho
• I learned to play the guitar
• 1 trip to Playa del Carmen
• 3 Billion Miracles
• 1 little bobble head turtle bought from Mexico
• 1st time in warm ocean water
• 1 job aquired
• 1 job lost
• 2 difficulty levels gained in Guitar Hero
• I started Cascade Life Commission
• I moved out on my own for the first time
• 1 Encounter with God that tore through my whole life
• About 5,498,076 more encounters with God since then, and still counting
• 1 God who has shown me His love and Mercy and is changing me
• 1 prayer life reignited
• 1 new hair color
• 12 different haircuts
• 1 time trying to be hardcore (it didnt work out that well!)
• 4 new friends discovered in CLC
• 9 old friends to grow with
• 1st time leading worship
• 1 old mindset exchanged for a new one
• 10ish classes in CLC so far
• 1 newish oldish mentor gained (Yeah Katie agian, and by old, I dont mean age!)
• 1 new found respect for the maintainance people at the church
• About 58 really embarrassing moments that mostly include me tripping
• 1 very bestest friend found (Andrea...)
• 1 I Heart Bend
• A couple of tough situations
• Way more good situations
• 1 life transformed by the unending love of Christ...

And the list goes on and on.... ! I am a completely different person right now then I was a year ago and I am thankful for that! I can only imagine where I will be next year. God is changing me so much and I dont want Him to stop... Man oh Man! I love you all and I hope this new year brings things into your lives that will help you grow and change, because I know that's what I am looking forward too!

Knock, Knock... Who's There?

"For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined by the fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint you eyes, so that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me." Revelation3:17-20

There He stands. Jesus invites me to come in to Him. So many times I have told God with my actions that I am fine without Him..."I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing..." I can make it on my own. All along God is desperately trying to show me that without Him I am wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. Jesus shows me that if I will buy, at the cost of my whole life, His gold refined in the fire, His white garments, and His anointing salve, I will gain my life back, in Him. His pure Gold refined by the fire is character and wisdom. The White Garments are purity and righteousness (right standing with God). The Anointing Salve for me to see is to open the eyes of my understanding of God. If I would only open up to Him! A Life lived in Jesus is the only one I want to live. I know this can sound so cliche, because we hear it so often... "Give God your whole life, let Him have control, open the door to your heart!" I know I have heard it enough! But what if the hearing actually turned into doing?

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me."