But mostly, right this moment, I miss my life in Bend. I miss the people in Bend. I miss being comfortable. I miss things being easy.
I've found myself in this predicament and I find myself wondering why and how..
I've got to get honest somewhere to someone, so right now this is what I have, here and you.. whoever you may be and wherever you may be.
There's something that happens when you suddenly become aware of your surroundings and that you are alone in them, or so it feels like. That's where I am now. That dirty, rotten devil has yet again tried to persuade me that I am alone.
For nine months now, I have lived in an unfamiliar place (a little more familiar than at first, but still unfamiliar) and I have tried to figure out how to live a grown-up life and make grown-up decisions. Before I moved, I thought that it would be somehow fulfilling, to be in an unknown place with nothing but the future ahead of me. But right now, with brutal honesty, I have to admit that I only feel alone and unfulfilled.
I've been through any and every class I can take that teaches me about God and I've read my bible, a lot, and I know how it "works". If I look to Jesus to find all of my fulfillment and not to anything in this world, I will be fulfilled. That's the bible right there.
So the question going through my mind right now is this, "I thought I was looking to Jesus, so why do I feel this way?"
"I don't know"'s are all that is going my mind right now.
That's really all I can make out at the moment, is "I don't know."
But I do know that God absolutely does. I do know that He loves me. I do know that He's sitting with me here at this Starbucks. I do know that He's holding my hand and my heart.
I have no idea who reads my blog, but if you happen to read this semi-long and maybe even downer-esque post, I would love and absolutely appreciate any small prayers you may send up for me or any encouraging verses you could leave in the comment link.
Lastly, you may be wondering the reason for the title on this post. It's simple really. I'm just believing that with summer, sunshine will come, and that with that a little bit of breakthrough.
That's about it. :)
I can do this,