One year ago, this week, I made the 7 hour trek up to Seattle, Washington. I can barely believe that it's already been a year. I am sitting here at one of my favorite spots (Backporch, at MY table mind you) thinking about all that I have done, all that God has done in the last 365 days. The only word that can scratch the surface of what I'm feeling at the moment is Thankful. I am so thankful that Jesus called me to Seattle. I am so thankful that he didn't hang me out to dry when I got there, but He has taught me about life and love and most important of all, he has taught me more about himself.
I think back to every time I have walked on the heights this year, and I feel the lingering sorrow of the times spent in the depths. I remember all the laughter, and I remember every tear. I recall every moment in Gods presence, and I bring to mind every word he spoke to me.
It's funny how I am entering a new season, even as the leaves are beginning to turn, and I feel myself longing to return to the adventure and uncertainty of this last year of my life. I have seen the pattern of my own humanity that is constantly looking back at what I had, wishing with every cell in my body that I could return for a moment to those days.
I have found that not only I, but all of my best friends, have come to that ledge between our childhood and finally being released to passionately pursue the dreams God has placed in our hearts... and we get to watch each other jump off that ledge. We each get to see the others experience the thrill of leaving comfort and security and feel the rush of free falling. We get to experience it for ourselves.
The ledge I find myself upon today is causing me to make a decision. Sure I have jumped before, but this one seems a bit more scary. It's hard to capture the exact emotions that have risen in my heart with this jump. I have driven back and forth between Bend and Seattle over 10 times in the past year. That's roughly 7,000 miles of trying to figure out where I belong. That's over 130 hours of trying to make a decision about who I think I am and who I think God has called me to be. I never realized before how much weight your location carries when it comes to your identity, or your perceived identity at least.
Tomorrow I drive back to Seattle once again. However, this time I'm gonna take a jump. This jump is unlike the other jumps I have taken. For too long I have let fear and my flesh cause me to hesitate when I'm trying to move forward. I have allowed my past to become this thing on a pedestal, rather than recognizing and appreciating it for what it was. For a year, I have lived FOR my past, not BECAUSE of it. Today I am approaching the ledge and tomorrow I will jump.
I am so excited. I am so THANKFUL that Jesus loves me the way he does. That he 's holding my hand, and that he has never expected me to go anywhere or jump off any edge by myself. I can say with all honesty that I believe that this next year is going to be better than any I've experienced, not because of my job or even my church, but because with every step I take toward Jesus, He's gonna take a million towards me.
I can't wait to see the strides my friends and I make this year, even as most of us are hundreds of miles apart. I know that God is working us into something bigger than we can even imagine. This year is going to be one for the books.
God is so good.
With all the love in my heart for my friends and my family,