Being Near

As things in my life get more chaotic, I often find myself wondering, "Where are You God?" I have been trying to understand the fact that just because things start getting hard, it doesn't mean that God is any less near to me. I have also come to realize that it is not me who causes God to come near... it's not my asking or begging or good works or good character that cause God to draw near to me. Sure I have a part in it, He tells me to seek after Him, but in the end, it is Him who comes to me. I cannot earn it and I certainly don't deserve it. God spoke to me out of Psalm 65 this morning. I was reminded that He is near in every season , climate, landscape, and every minute of every day.

To You belongs silence (the submissive wonder of reverence which burst forth into praise) and praise is due and fitting to You, O God, in Zion; and to You shall the vow be performed.

O You, Who hear prayer, to You shall all flesh come.

Iniquities and much varied guilt prevail against me; yet as for our transgressions, You forgive and purge them away (make atonement for them and cover them out of Your sight)!

Blessed is the man whom You choose and cause to come near, that he may dwell in Your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.

By fearful and glorious things do You answer us in righteousness, O God of our salvation, You Who are the confidence and hope of all the ends of the earth and of those far off on the seas;

Who by Your might have founded the mountains, being girded with power,

Who still the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the tumult of the peoples,

So that those who dwell in earth's farthest parts are afraid of signs of Your presence. You make the places where morning and evening have birth to shout for joy.

You visit the earth and saturate it with water; You greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; You provide them with grain when You have so prepared the earth.

You water the field's furrows abundantly, You settle the ridges of it; You make the soil soft with showers, blessing the sprouting of its vegetation.

You crown the year with Your bounty and goodness, and the tracks of Your chariot wheels drip with fatness.

The pastures in the uncultivated country drip with moisture, and the hills gird themselves with joy.

The meadows are clothed with flocks, the valleys also are covered with grain; they shout for joy and sing together.

Psalm 65 (amplified)

God is the one who chose me to come to Him. He wants me to be satisfied with dwelling in His courts and His house. Like the Psalm says, "One thing have I asked for of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and insistently require; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in His presence) all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty (the sweet attractiveness and the delightful lovliness) of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple." It has been a constant struggle against my flesh to kill my earthly desires and live by and in the Spirit daily and be satisfied with Jesus alone. It is so easy for me to "If only..." my life to death! "If only I had this" or "If only this person would...". But Jesus has simply asked me to trust Him. Like this scripture says, God is in every season and place with me, He is near. Every mountain top, raging sea, farthest place, pasture, field, hill, meadow and valley. He is there... Every place that my foot treads is either a place where God has blessed or is a place where God has asked me to again sacrifice my flesh and choose Him. Staring into the face of hardship and trouble and fear and even death often scares me back into the corner I once knew so well where I would forget about God and try to make things work out on my own. In every situation I am called to shout for joy and sing to the Lord. Facing my fears knowing that God is on my side and that He is way bigger than them gives me such hope and courage. I often find myself praying that Jesus would change my heart and you know what, I am shocked to see that He is! I thought I would never get better at relationships and my anger and unforgivness... but after today, going to court with my dad, I can see that God has totally changed my heart, a lot! Instead of anger and hatred, I found myself seeing my dad through the eyes of Jesus. I was overwhelmed with such compassion for him and I couldnt help but feel so broken for him. To feel alone and rejected and unsatisfied with life seems so hard for me. I dont know if I could live that way, and I dont know how he does it. I think God has let me see this for a very specific reason, and that reason is to cause me to fall on my knees in innercession for him. I desperately want my dad back, but first, he needs to return to his Dad, the one true Father. I know that God hears my cry's and prayers, and He is faithful to answer them, of that I have no doubt.

This last year has really shown me what desperation can do, and what God can do in it. Crisis and trouble and weariness have caused me to draw in closer to God than I ever have before. Sure there are times where I dont feel Him and wonder where He is, but I am always reminded by His Word that He is there and He never leaves, contrary to the failing and dying love this world has to offer. Jesus Christ is Love. I have to daily die to what my mind and all of my flesh tell me, and choose to believe that one truth, that Jesus is Love, because He is.

And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who begun a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return), developing that good work and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

Philippians 1:6

Constantly being drawn deeper,

Elyxis