Wide, Open Spaces...

I once knew a girl who was bound up inside. Years of building walls had proved to do the exact opposite of what she had hoped for. Instead of offering protection, these walls served as the bars of a jail cell. She knew there was life available and willingly ready for her to step into, any day she chose. Yet the walls were strong. On one side, she was hemmed in by fear... fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of being hurt again. Another wall was titled pride. She thought to herself, "If I break through this wall, I'll have to admit that I don't have it all together..." What if people thought badly of her. Behind, a wall of unforgiveness taunted her. How could she move beyond what these people had done to her. Memories echoed loudly in her head. Abuse. Abandonment. They walked on her. They overlooked her. They held her back. She wasn't worth it to them.

However, all of these walls failed to compare with the wall that was in front of her. This wall had many names. Faithlessness. Disbelief. Mistrust. Doubt. Anger. These things had crept together to form a monster that she wasn't prepared to deal with. The worst part of this creature was that it was staking its flag on the plot of land called God. She was angry with God for bringing her to this point in her life. She had lost faith that he wanted to take care of her. She didn't believe that he had good things for her. She didn't trust him to heal her. She doubted that he even wanted to.

The girl had taken jewelry and makeup to decorate these walls, maybe they wouldn't look as ugly on the outside as they did on the inside. She hoped no one would notice.

Although the walls screamed at her everyday, pushing her down into deeper despair, something in her heart wouldn't let her go under. There was a dream in the depths of her heart that hoped that the small voice that whispered, "Come to Me", was indeed real and true. What was she supposed to do. Her hands couldn't fit between the jail bars, they were too close together. She wasn't strong enough the break them. She didn't have the authority to have them unlocked.
She had had enough. Quietly at first, but growing louder with each call, she cried out for help. "Help! Help!"

She was startled as a crack shot through the wall on her left. Crumbling to the ground, the wall began to disintegrate. The jail bars began to fall out of place, clanking loudly against the hard concrete ground. She yelled all the more loudly, calling out to be rescued. Fear of being buried in the rubbish overtook her as she fell to her knees, crying, wondering if she would make it out alive. Sounds of destruction and violence whirled around her like a tempest. She closed her eyes. And then, silence.

"We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand - out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise."
Romans 5:1-2

She had never seen such beauty.
She had never stood so tall.
She had never been so free.
She had never felt so loved.

Who is this Jesus? He is grace and acceptance, life and joy, forgiveness and hope.

I am so thankful this girl now knows new freedom.

Standing where I always hoped I would,
Elyxis

Jesus Is _________.

Well, where to start, that's the real question! I have lived here in Seattle for a little over a month and I am absolutely blown away by Jesus. Words cannot give justice to the way that God has loved me and how he's changed me and grown me... I am truly in awe of him! The week after I moved here The City Church started a series called Jesus Is____. In this series, we have been traveling through the book of Mathew to figure out what the Word of God says about Jesus. Lots of people have their own definition of who Jesus is, whether negative or positive. (visit jesus-is.org if you want to see what people all around the world have to say about Jesus). I believe that Jesus knew that I needed to know more of who he is when I moved here... which I do! :) Moving here has been one of the most challenging but rewarding steps that I've taken in my life so far. I've only been here a month and I'm already starting to see fruit that comes from obedience. Jesus has revealed himself in so many ways, and I have found myself falling more and more in love with him... it's exhilarating! This weekend, in our Jesus Is series, Pastor Judah preached a message called Jesus Is the All Powerful One. He shared the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 and the 4,000 in Mathew 14 and 15. I am constantly amazed as I read and learn more about this God-Man that came to earth to die for me. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. His name is so powerful. In chapter 14, the word says that the people were with Jesus till late in the day in a deserted place. In chapter 15, it says that the people followed Jesus for 3 days. Obviously, if you followed someone around for a whole day, let alone three whole days, you would probably be hungry and tired. It says that Jesus had compassion on them and when he saw that they were tired and fatigued, he asked his disciples to feed them. They brought the little they had and Jesus multiplied it. It says that ALL were fed and that there were even baskets of left-overs. Jesus did not turn the people away and tell them to go find food on their own... he understood that because of the time and place they were in, they were hungry. Jesus is powerful enough to overcome the time and place I'm in, and I am so thankful for that! God's love and the measure with which he cares is totally and completely out of control. I was challenged tonight as I heard this message... have I let time and circumstance be the preacher I hear? Have I allowed my past experiences, my present problems, and my current circumstances to convince me that they are more powerful than God?? No matter where I am or how long I've been there, Jesus is more powerful than anything I face. That's the truth of it. Jesus is working something wonderful together in my life, I just need to understand his position and my own. Jesus is the all powerful one.
Sometimes I wonder when I'll figure it out or if I ever will, but Jesus is so good to quiet me with his love. I have found that since moving here, if I don't make an active, conscious choice to let God's peace have rule over my heart, I become a crazy lady! There are so many things in the practical that I could be stressed about and so many things I see in myself that I want to change... but I have to wait on God. It's a day by day thing here. I can't get away with what I used to in Bend, and I like it that way. If I skip a day and don't center myself in Jesus, I feel it. (and the poor people in traffic have to deal with me too... I HATE traffic, and Lord help me when I get into traffic without my Jesus.) As the season is changing, I have a hope in God that I don't know that I've had before... It truly is amazing! I am so thankful for what God is doing and am so excited to see what he's gonna do with this new season!
Maybe sometime I'll actually take some pictures and eventually get them on here too :)

twitterpated and in love with Jesus,
Elyxis

"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The Steadfast Love of the Lord never ceases; His Mercies never come to an end; They are new every morning; Great is Your Faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I will hope in Him.'"
Lamentations3:21-24

I don't know how ok I am with how fast my last month in Bend is going by! It's been so good as I have (tried my best to) put on the mind of Christ about moving away from everyone and everything I love and am comfortable with and find security in. God has been so faithful to give me peace knowing that he is in control. He knows me more than I know myself. This summer has truly been a summer of hiding myself in the Word of God... with all the stuff (and by stuff, I mean crap) going on in my life, I have no idea where I would be if I had choose anything else. I have had quite the time of it, trying to think differently than I ever have before... When you have your life defined by certain things, for practically your whole life, and you think about it being different, it kinda takes you for a whirl. I have absolutely NO idea what life will look like up in Seattle, but this I call to mind: God's love never ends, his mercies are forever and are new every morning, his faithfulness is above measure, and he alone is my portion... therefore I have this great hope. I cannot wait to see what he does! I love him so much! SO MUCH!!!!

"No shuffling or stumbling around for this one, but a sterling and solid and lasting reputation. Unfazed by rumor or gossip, heart ready, trusting in God, Spirit firm, unperturbed, ever blessed, relaxed among enemies... an honored life! A beautiful life!"
Ps.112:7-8(the Message)

These scriptures are where I choose to stake my flag.

Standing on the Rock,
Elyxis

Moving on Up... or Down... or All Around... Who knows? God knows.

Holy guacamole!!! I haven't been so good about keeping this thing updated! This summer has flown by at unappreciated speed and I've bumped into one of the biggest decisions I have ever had to make. I am so excited about what God's doing in my life and how is using me and how he will use me! I am moving up to Seattle! :) I absolutely cannot wait, I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement! Back in March, God gave me a word out of Deuteronomy 1... at the time, I was looking into maybe checking out San Fran and moving down there. It's really cool how when you are willing to take steps, God will begin to direct them. I once was told that God cannot steer someone who's not moving. So after looking into that and having those doors closed, I wondered what God would have for me to do this next fall. Shortly after God gave me the word, I went up to Seattle for the Generation Church Conference, and God did something in me that I cannot explain... He reminded me of several prophetic words that I had received in the past and totally, radically changed my perspective of him and of myself. Oh man! It was great! I came home and went about the rest of my 2nd year of CLC, totally forgetting about the word that God had given me before my trip up to Seattle. So, what was the word you might ask??? God reminded me this morning, out of no where... it just popped into my head. And it rocked my world, again.

"You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Turn and take your journey... See I have set the land before you, go in and take possession of the land... 'Where are we going up? Our brothers have made our hearts melt, saying, The people are greater and taller than we. The cities are great and fortified up to heaven. And besides, we have seen the sons of Anakim (giants) there.' Then I said to you, 'Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way you went until you came to this place... who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go."

God has been so faithful to me... When I made the decision in the beginning of June to move to Seattle, the enemy was right there to come in and put fear and anxiety into my heart and mind. I began to think like the people of Israel had in this scripture... the city is so big, I am so small, what can I possibly do to make a difference up there? He caused me to doubt the gifts God had put in me, he caused me to doubt that God had called and anointed me, he caused me to doubt that I was worthy and loved by God, and he caused me to doubt that God could even use me. The scripture in John 10 that says the enemy has come to kill, steal, and destroy has never been so real to me before. Sure I've been through hard things, but I have never come under an attack so close and personal to my heart and my identity in Christ. This is the day that I say no more! God has been revealing to me over the past few days just how much I have let this fear infect all my decisions and my emotions. It was literally killing me. I love this scripture because God first releases them to go and reminds them that he is the one who is giving them the land. Then he addresses the immediate reaction (that every human that's ever lived deals with), the fear. He declares all of these victorious things over Israel, "I go before you, I will fight for you, I will carry you, I will show you which way to go...". The part the really got my heart was how it said, "The LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son..." I don't think I'm the only one who has ever struggled with this, but trying to understand God as my Father, it's really hard for me. God has been a father to me, but only to the extent that I have let him. I want so badly to let him in more. I want to let him carry me into this next season. I will not waste God's plan for my life trying to make it work on my own. I just won't. I want to learn so much and grow so much closer to God than I ever have before. I am so expectant that God will do something drastic in me that will change how I live out the rest of my life. I don't want to be a lazy, comfortable, apathetic christian girl who is ineffective in the Kingdom of God. I want to be someone who walks so closely with the Holy Spirit that others feel the presence of God. I want to be someone who makes the enemy scared. I want to be the woman that God has created me to be. I want to be a fighter. I know that God is faithful. This one thing I know to be true more than I know that the sky is blue: God is faithful. God will show me the way to go.

This is scary and exciting and totally outrageous all at the same time, but I am so excited to see what God does in the next year of my life. I will miss my family and my wonderful friends so, so much... but I know it's what I need to do. I really love Jesus, like a whole stinking lot :)

The "almost city girl",
Elyxis
:)

The Best of the Best!

So, for some reason unknown to me, these picture decided to upload in miniature size.
I haven't posted pictures in FOREVER, so I have quite a bit of catch up to do!
Here's when we went to Idaho!

We took these during our 45 minute long detour (aka we went the wrong way for a long time!)

Seattle!!!!

The Crew.

CLC representing!

CLC Graduation, 2010!!!

CLC Picture Day!

For some reason, this picture's normal size, so that's awesome.
:)

Beard and Mustache competition!

redonculous.

Beach Trip with Stacia!
(All these are big too?)
Oh well!

So that's the past 3 months in a nutshell!
Wooo Hoooo!

Incredibly Excited About Summer!
Elyxis!

.:The Winds Are About To Change:.

So it comes down to this. Tomorrow is my last day of CLC. Holy Cow. There are so many emotions flowing through my veins right now! I am inexpressibly excited to enter into a new season and to enter in to all the fullness that God has for me. I am overjoyed by the things that God has done in my life over the past two years. I am overwhelmed when I think of how he's blessed me with such amazing friends. I am also sad. Not a sadness from regret or mistake, but a heightened awareness of the fact that this amazing season of my life is coming to a close. God has been so faithful to give me peace and joy over the past few weeks. I for sure will miss this time of my life... it's been awesome! I value all that he's done. I value the people he's brought me so close to. I value Jay and Bo so much. I value his word more than I ever have. I value my time with him so much more. I value my own life more. I value obedience. I value relationship. I value the Holy Spirit. But one thing I am especially thankful for is the fact that this is also the beginning of something incredibly beautiful and precious to the Lord, in not only my life, but my friends' lives too. I absolutely cannot wait to see where God takes us all. I have such a sense of hope and excitement. I know that God will take us on different paths and towards different goals... but this I also know: He has allowed us to cross paths for the past two years, and because of that, I have been blessed and have learned and have been healed of past hurts and have loved deeper... for that I am truly grateful. I know that throughout our lives God will bring us to intersections where we will cross paths again. This is not the end, but the beginning. I'm trying not to get all sappy and emotional about this, but I can't help it! There is a tension in my spirit as God teaches me to cherish and treasure, but also live a life with open hands... open to receive and open to let go. It's hard, I'll get it someday. But for now, here I am.

"His lightnings light up the world; the earth sees and trembles." Psalm 97.

We are his lightnings, and he's going to send us out... I cannot wait to see what he does!

This song has been playing through my head for the past week or so, so here it is!




Oh Happiness!
Elyxis

Beauty

Just thought I would share this super cool picture I took last weekend!
God is pretty rad.

Also:
I graduate two weeks from this Wednesday. This is also a beautiful thing.

Crossroads: prt2

Do you ever feel like you're in that place where you know God is speaking and directing you, but it's just kind of fuzzy? Gosh, I know that feeling all too well right now! I know that I'm about to enter into a season of my life where the decisions I make, whether they seem small or big, will set the pace for how I walk out these next few years after CLC, and maybe even how I walk out the rest of my life. I think every young adult comes to the point where they realize the call of God on their life and that it's for real, it's not a game. My choices, out of obedience to Christ or not, will determine the outcome of my life. I don't want to be a sleepy, ineffective, passive Christian... I just don't want to! I've contemplated much what I will do after June 2nd, 2010. I am graduating. I can't even remember what life outside of CLC looks like! I for sure have never experienced "grown up life" (if you could call it that) outside of CLC. I was 17 when I started, and now I'm almost 20. My affection and love for God has gotten so deep in my heart over the past two and a half years. I look at all he has done in my life, and am constantly blown away by his grace and swept away by his love. So what will I do after I graduate... God knows. I don't need to know this exact second...
One of the greatest truths I have come to really own over the past two years is that God really is the only one who can satisfy me, the only one. When you are alone enough, and go through hard things enough, and after looking to as many other things as you can for long enough, you come to realize this very thing...Jesus is enough. There are dreams and desires in my heart that I cannot wait for God to fulfill! I see a lot of people my age, more particularly girls my age, who live their lives out of a place of desperation (not for God), fear, anxiety, worry, stress, and who try so hard to be who they think their friends or the world or their parents want them to be. I'll be the first to admit it... I live out of that place way too often. God is showing me that he doesn't want another _______ (fill in the name), he wants me, just as I am. Last week, I was worshiping in a large group of people and my mind started to wander just a tad bit, and I felt God speak to me so clearly. It was as if he was grabbing my face and holding it and shouting above all the chaos and noise, simply saying, "Right now, I want you... forget about all these other people... I want you." I know that God cared about those other people in the room and that he was ministering to them and all that (cuz he's God) but it was just this intimate moment where I knew it was just him and I... and that's how it should be. Sometimes you just need God to remind you that he's in love with you!

I once heard a man say this:

I have never lacked any good thing, I don't lack any good thing, and I don't suspect I ever will.

Living satisfied in Jesus is for sure a choice, that I know! But the reality and beautiful truth of it all is that the creator of the whole freaking universe chose me, and passionately loves me, and is eternally committed to growing in relationship with me. When I live like I actually believe that, being satisfied in Jesus is like breathing air... sure, sometimes there are complications, but you can't help but breath.... breathing deep and long. I want to live in satisfaction like that!


Learning and living to choose Jesus,
Elyxis

At The Feet of Jesus

I was thinking the other day, about the feet of Jesus. What is the significance of someone who lives their life at the feet of Jesus? What are they doing at the feet of Jesus? Why are they there? So many questions! What is it about the feet of my Savior that is so enthralling? I'm not really talking about his actual feet, cuz lets face it people, feet are kinda gross... especially then, when everyone walked everywhere, in stinky sandals, with sweaty dirt stained feet. I'm talking about what being at someone's feet actually means... what do you have to give up to be at someone's feet? Throughout Jesus' life time, there were many people who chose to rest or fall or just simply be at his feet. There are four different occasions that I want to look at where people decided to go to his feet:

The first three occasions are with Mary (Martha and Lazarus' sister)
There are three different portions of scripture that I feel really tell Mary's story.

The first is in Luke 10:38-42. Here we have the well known story, where Martha is working and running around like a chicken with its head cut off, while Mary decides to sit at Jesus' feet and listen. Jesus says of Mary, "She has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

The second story is found in John 11 where we come across Mary in a seemingly hopeless situation. Her brother Lazarus is dead. Martha and Mary had sent for Jesus, to come and heal their brother, but he didn't show up... he appeared on the scene a little to late. Jesus waited outside the town, and Mary, hearing he had finally come, ran to him. Verse 32, "Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet saying, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.'"

The third story is found one chapter later, in John 12. 12:3 says, "Mary therefore took a pound of of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair." Mary was there to worship. I would be in the same place if Jesus rose my brother from the dead!

These are three very different reasons to be at Jesus' feet, the first is an active choice to listen, the second seems an outcry of desperation, and the third is in response to the goodness of Jesus. In the first story, Mary understood the importance of listening to Jesus, in the second story, she was driven to the feet of Jesus because of a circumstance that seemed grim and hopeless, and in the third story she was going to a place of sacrifice and intimate worship that was understood by her and Jesus alone (we see this in the next verse as Judas criticizes her for her decision).

The fourth occasion that I want to look at is when Jesus was delivered up and crucified on the cross. Here we see a group of people who kneel at Jesus' feet out of ignorance, selfishness, and sin.

Mathew 27:28-29, "And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, 'Hail, King of the Jews!'"

Mark 15:16-19, "They (the soldiers) called together a whole battalion (which, by the way is about 600 men). And they clothed him in a purple cloak, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on him. And they began to salute him, 'Hail, King of the Jews!' And they were striking him and kneeling down in homage to him."

John 19:23-24, "When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took his garments and divided them into four parts, one part for each soldier; also his tunic. But the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom, so they said to one another, 'Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be.' This was to fulfill the scripture which says, 'They divided my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots.' So the soldiers did these things."

These soldiers sat at the foot of the cross dividing up Jesus' clothing. They were there to take.

As I have read through these different accounts of people going to Jesus' feet, God has asked me one question: Why and when do YOU come to my feet?

I know that more often than not I find myself at Jesus' feet for selfish reasons. I can kneel before him to listen, to be comforted, to worship, or I can come in, mocking his power, and take.

More than anything, I want to be a Mary. I don't want to be the Roman Soldiers, no way! At the beginning, I asked a question: What is the significance of someone who lives their life at the feet of Jesus. Maybe the question should be this: What is the significance of the life of someone who lives their life at the feet of Jesus. On my own, I am not significant. "Someone's" aren't significant. Thinking about the whole world, and thinking about my little life, I feel just that... little. Living my life at the feet of Jesus won't make me, as a person, significant but it will make the life that Christ lives through me significant.

Galations 2:20 (the Message)
"What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that."

The life I now live is in Christ, it is Christ living in and through me! He simply asks me to come to his feet, for anything and at anytime (in fact, that's the place where I should live!)

A life lived at the feet of Jesus allows a channel through which God can pour, in a way that I believe cannot be achieved by any other means. A life lived at the feet of Jesus is an effective, infective, fruit-bearing, radical life... this kind of life can change the world!

There is so many facets to God's grace and I love discovering things that I have never seen before... His grace astounds me!

Choosing feet :)
Elyxis

Crossroads

7 weeks from now I will be graduating my second year of Cascade Life Commission. Um, what?! I think time is playing tricks on me! I can hardly believe that it's come and gone so quickly...
...oh my goodness...
God has done so much in my life over the past 2 years.
I am indeed at a Crossroad.

Two weekends ago, I went to the Generation Church Conference up in Seattle... it was awesome! God spoke to me in such a personal way, He gave me a bit of direction, and He reignited passion in my heart! Jesus Rocks!

He's been taking me to a place everyday in my devotions of just discovering more and more of his presence and showing me who he really is...
I think everyone has certain ways that they view God or connect with him or whatever. These are good things when they are inspired by the Holy Spirit. But when the way we view God is solely influenced by our own experiences, we can get terribly off track, quickly.

God has been so faithful to reveal the wrong mindsets that have been setting up camp in my brain for many many years... not only that, but He's been faithful to show my how to get rid of them too :)
Today He showed me this, from 2 Corinthians 12:14-15
"Here for the third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not be a burden, for I seek not what is yours but you. For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls. If I love you more, am I to be loved less?"

I read this like a little note from a father to his daughter.

I have never thought of a father who would spend and be spent for his daughter.
Today God showed me that I cannot put my mindsets about my earthly father on Him, because he is not like that. God is my Father. He's saving up for me. He will stop at nothing to see me become who he created me to be and to know Him like He knows me.
This is why I love Him!

He's different then I expected and everything I hoped for and far beyond anything I could have ever dreamed and nothing I deserve and all that I want!

I love Him a whole lot!

After CLC, I have no real definite plan of what I'm gonna do with my life, but I know that as I enter into this Crossroad in my life, this intersection of potential and opportunity and God's purpose, something beautiful and adventurous will happen! I'm so excited, I'm pretty sure I have no words to really describe to you just how excited I am to enter into a new season and to enter into all that Jesus has for me! It's gonna be freaking awesome!

I am madly in love with a wonderful, gracious, caring, loving savior.
Who knew life with Christ could be like this?!
...Oh Jesus...
!!!

So Madly in Love!,
Elyxis