Holy guacamole!!! I haven't been so good about keeping this thing updated! This summer has flown by at unappreciated speed and I've bumped into one of the biggest decisions I have ever had to make. I am so excited about what God's doing in my life and how is using me and how he will use me! I am moving up to Seattle! :) I absolutely cannot wait, I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement! Back in March, God gave me a word out of Deuteronomy 1... at the time, I was looking into maybe checking out San Fran and moving down there. It's really cool how when you are willing to take steps, God will begin to direct them. I once was told that God cannot steer someone who's not moving. So after looking into that and having those doors closed, I wondered what God would have for me to do this next fall. Shortly after God gave me the word, I went up to Seattle for the Generation Church Conference, and God did something in me that I cannot explain... He reminded me of several prophetic words that I had received in the past and totally, radically changed my perspective of him and of myself. Oh man! It was great! I came home and went about the rest of my 2nd year of CLC, totally forgetting about the word that God had given me before my trip up to Seattle. So, what was the word you might ask??? God reminded me this morning, out of no where... it just popped into my head. And it rocked my world, again.
"You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Turn and take your journey... See I have set the land before you, go in and take possession of the land... 'Where are we going up? Our brothers have made our hearts melt, saying, The people are greater and taller than we. The cities are great and fortified up to heaven. And besides, we have seen the sons of Anakim (giants) there.' Then I said to you, 'Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way you went until you came to this place... who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go."
God has been so faithful to me... When I made the decision in the beginning of June to move to Seattle, the enemy was right there to come in and put fear and anxiety into my heart and mind. I began to think like the people of Israel had in this scripture... the city is so big, I am so small, what can I possibly do to make a difference up there? He caused me to doubt the gifts God had put in me, he caused me to doubt that God had called and anointed me, he caused me to doubt that I was worthy and loved by God, and he caused me to doubt that God could even use me. The scripture in John 10 that says the enemy has come to kill, steal, and destroy has never been so real to me before. Sure I've been through hard things, but I have never come under an attack so close and personal to my heart and my identity in Christ. This is the day that I say no more! God has been revealing to me over the past few days just how much I have let this fear infect all my decisions and my emotions. It was literally killing me. I love this scripture because God first releases them to go and reminds them that he is the one who is giving them the land. Then he addresses the immediate reaction (that every human that's ever lived deals with), the fear. He declares all of these victorious things over Israel, "I go before you, I will fight for you, I will carry you, I will show you which way to go...". The part the really got my heart was how it said, "The LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son..." I don't think I'm the only one who has ever struggled with this, but trying to understand God as my Father, it's really hard for me. God has been a father to me, but only to the extent that I have let him. I want so badly to let him in more. I want to let him carry me into this next season. I will not waste God's plan for my life trying to make it work on my own. I just won't. I want to learn so much and grow so much closer to God than I ever have before. I am so expectant that God will do something drastic in me that will change how I live out the rest of my life. I don't want to be a lazy, comfortable, apathetic christian girl who is ineffective in the Kingdom of God. I want to be someone who walks so closely with the Holy Spirit that others feel the presence of God. I want to be someone who makes the enemy scared. I want to be the woman that God has created me to be. I want to be a fighter. I know that God is faithful. This one thing I know to be true more than I know that the sky is blue: God is faithful. God will show me the way to go.
This is scary and exciting and totally outrageous all at the same time, but I am so excited to see what God does in the next year of my life. I will miss my family and my wonderful friends so, so much... but I know it's what I need to do. I really love Jesus, like a whole stinking lot :)
The "almost city girl",
Elyxis
:)
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