Hope

I love the little joys of life! Recently I have become friends (more like sisters) with a very special girl named Hope. I love her very much! She blesses me and brings joy in my life where it has seemed to be lacking a little lately. I thank God for bringing her into my life. I love getting to know her and can't wait to see our friendship grow more. Hope has taught me a few things since we've started hanging out:

1)It's ok to be silly! I can get really serious sometimes, but she has shown me that being silly is really fun! She brings out the kid in me :)

2)You can eat ice cream, even if it's freazing cold outside.

3)You shouldn't lock people in your car! :)

We have so much fun hanging out! She has also reminded me what child-like faith looks like. I watch her and see how she views situations and her world and am just amazed and constantly reminded of the soveriegnty of God. I easily think that my life is spinning out of control, but she reminds me that God takes care of us. She reminds me to hope, hope in the future and in my dreams and especially hope in Jesus. She reminds me to be honest :) Not that I lie or anything, but honest in the context that if I don't agree with something that's being said or done, I should speak up. She reminds me to laugh at myself... :) Hope is someone who I can really just be myself around, I don't have to pretend to be someone else. We can just have fun together, and I love that!

So for all this and for being lovely, I thank you Hope. You have really blessed my life! I hope you know that I really love you and can't wait to see what God does in your life!

Excited for our next adventures!

Elyxis

Blog #61

Just wanted to post some pictures from the last month or so! Nothing profound to say,

this time :)

First off, I just wanted to show you a picture that I just found on our computer that I have NO idea where it came from or why it was on our computer, but there it is... a llama.

Halloween Party at the Parsons!

The obamas flew in for the party....

Small children should overt their eyes, Tim's kinda scary....

Kaitlyn for homecoming :)

My pumpkin that I carved!

Me and Hope at a baseball game (notice the boy in the back, I think he was having a blast)

Brit and I had a little photo shoot on 2nd street a few weeks ago... it was gorgeous!!!

Kaitlyn getting her senior pictures done.... also gorgeous!

And That's really all I have.

Elyxis.

Lonliness, together.

I have been thinking a lot over the past couple weeks about this statement. I read last week about Jesus being betrayed and crucified. God reminded me of Jesus' humanity in that moment, and his loneliness. I think its easy to start to feel lonely in this world when you don't have someone, the someone. I promise not to get all corny or cheesy cheese on you, just wanted to post something that's been on my heart. I have watched one of my best friends get engaged and my other best friend start a relationship. They are both amazing people and I love them so so much. Their relationships are holy and pure... I admire them and am really happy for them both. But as I watch these two enter into a new season of their lives, I have felt a little like I've been hung out to dry... that I'm sometimes forgotten. Not by my friends, no! But by God. Its a risky statement, I would say... to say that God has forgotten me. But as I read in Luke, and walked through Jesus' Crucifixion, I understood a different part of the heart of God. I cannot even imagine how alone and forgotten Jesus felt as he was beaten and hung on the cross. It can sound so cliche, you hear it enough... "Jesus died for me on a cross", and once you hear it enough, you think its common, and once you think that, it has lost purpose, which leaves you feeling alone. You feel like your the only one going through hard things. You feel like everyone else has someone and you still have no one. The moment that the sin of the world came upon Jesus and the Father had to turn away..... that's loneliness. I forget so easily that Jesus went through it for me so that I didn't have to. He was lonely so that I could be loved, He was forgotten about so that I could be forgiven, He was thrown out by the world and by heaven so that I could know God... how long is it going to take for me to get this in my thick skull! It's true, I do want my someone, but God is teaching me to want Him more than I want them. It's hard, and I feel alone in it. But Jesus is here. He's has been through this valley as well, and He knows what I need, and what I want. I can say that I feel forgotten by God, and I'm sure it hurts his heart when I say that, but the Truth is this: He has engraved me on the palms of his hands, He is constantly making intercession for me at the right hand of the Father, He died for me, His thoughts toward me are good and lovely, He has good plans for my life... He holds my hand... He holds my tiny little heart in his hands... He loves me... I have to learn that that's all I need, I have to know it in the very deepest part of my heart, or else I will strive in this world for nothing, for things that don't satisfy. I never want to have to look back at my life in regret. God has shown me so much in these last couple of weeks how relationships don't fill any spot in your heart if you haven't let him have the whole thing first. A man was not meant to carry the weight of my heart... God made me with the intent of carrying my heart himself... that's something I love about him. This journey takes a lot of faith, not in happenstance, but in Jesus. I know He's with me...

Joy is love exulting, Peace is love reposing, Long suffering is love untiring, Gentleness is love enduring, Goodness is love in action, Faith is love on the battlefield, Meekness is love under discipline, Temperance is love in training...

Learning to Love,
Elyxis

My God is so Good.

God is good. I've heard that about a katrillion times! I've thought about it and thought I understood what it meant... God is for me, he's on my side, he has good plans for me... I've heard it all many times over. I can honestly say now that I know and believe it in my heart! These past two weeks have been more incredibly faith challenging than anything I have ever been through. Spiritually and naturally. Like I said in my last blog, this summer has felt long and distant and dry. God seemed so far away. In the natural, I was running out of time to come up with the rest of my CLC money. It seemed that from every angle, everything was going wrong... oy. But God is good, and he DOES have a plan, even when I cant see it!
At encounter this year, God showed me so much about himself and about me. I went in not really knowing what to expect, except that it was going to be way different then 1st year... thats about it. I was really excited though! I soon gave into the frustration that I had been feeling all summer as we started our first session at wildhorse. During worship, I felt nothing. During the lesson, nothing. I found myself trying to force myself to something, anything. I was angry at myself and disappointed that I couldnt find God. I prayed and searched and felt like I was going no where, fast. I cant really explain what was going on or what I was feeling, it was just this desperation that if I didnt find God, I would literally die, my spirit would die. On the last night, as I went in for prayer, I still felt like I hadnt really connected with God at all. I hated it, thats for sure. As Bo, Lindsay, and Katie prayed for me though, this hope welled up inside my heart and as they delivered their words for me, something just clicked inside... the light had been switched on. It was like going from light to dark, all over again. Like I've mentioned before, this summer has for sure been a wilderness one... dry, gross, tiring. As they spoke with me, I came to the realization that it really was God who had drawn me there, with him. I had said it so many times, "God has brought me here for a reason", but I think deep down I didnt really believe that God was with me in the desert... I felt so alone. I had forgotten dreams, and hopes, and vision, and goals, and callings... I had forgotten them all. God started something that night as I sat there. Since that night, God has been restoring the things he had spoken to me and the things he had promised me. I hate it that I forget so easily what He's done for me when times get tough! I have this incredible hope and faith now. Hope that there's more to find and faith to go look for it. God's grace astounds me!
So I came out of encounter with this renewed vision and passion and then found myself back in the problems that I had left at home... mainly the issue that I had barely half of the first payment for CLC. But I had such faith that God would provide... and He did, but there was a big area of uncertainty for me. He gave me supernatural faith to believe for the rest, but in the natural I saw no possible way it was going to come through. To make the story short, God provided $700 dollars for me the day before the last day I could turn in money or not do CLC. Lots of prayer and tears, I tell ya... It scared the crap out of me to think that I might not be able to do CLC! It grew my faith so much to see God come through. I knew he would!
Then coming right out of this miracle, I ran hard right into I Heart Bend. It was awesome. All the past I heart events, I've felt that God moved, but I dont think I've ever experienced the love of God for a city before this event. My day started at 5:30 and ended at about 10:30. I got to the church, blew up baloons, ran stuff over to the Nazarene church, prayed with a homeless couple, ran over to Healey Hights, gave away stuff, prayed with a lady there, went door to door with two very cool people (Lily Smith and Alexa McBride!), went to lunch with Lily, went home, left 10 minutes later to go get on the dream kids bus, got to Drake, face painted for 3 hours, sat down for 30 minutes during highstreet, then loaded red chairs and cleaned up the park, then walked to my car which was literally 8 blocks away, drove home, and then passed out for many hours, glorious glorious hours! Whew! I say all this not for any other reason than this: I was tired. I served and loved Bend for one day... and I was tired. As I drove home I just started crying because I was tired. God spoke to me and just downloaded his heart for me and for my city in that very moment. I was tired after one day. God is relentless. He does this day and night, never stopping to take a break. Jesus is constantly at the right hand of the Father interceding for me and for everyone. He never stops. I realized just how weak and feeble and human I am. I was tired after one day! Oh the depths of the love of Christ... I cannot fathom or understand it. I saw how we loved our city and heard the stories of so many people being touched by the love of Christ, and it was only one day. God showed me that if the church would just be the church, and love like this everyday, our city would be so so much different. I thought about all the people I crossed paths with that day. God goes after them every single day, wanting them to know him and his love. He tries to get their attention. He tries to use you and me... how many times do we ignore the voice of the Lord and choose not to talk with someone we see. I know I do it all the time. God birthed in me a heart for the lost that I've never had before. He left me with this question: Are you going to let I Heart Bend be the only day that you pray for your city, the only day you serve strangers, the only day that you actually care? Its for sure something I've thought about, and something that has consumed me, heart and mind. My prayer to God right now is to not let me forget about those he cares about.
Switching gears a little bit, here are some pictures from Encounter till I Heart Bend and everything in between!

No better way to start something than with Spongebob... thats my motto!

Encounter!!!!

Tim :D

My Best Friend !

The whole fam.

Brittany and me at the fire pit!

Tim and Brittany <3

Lola... our new dog!

The foot says it all :)

oh, you know, just some water bottles.

Randomly, Bend Burger was welcoming us :)

Me and Lily had a fun morning/afternoon :)

Thats really all I got for now! So excited for fall in bend! Whoo Hooo!!!!!!!!!

Joy, joy, joy!

Elyxis

Scarlet

Middle of nowhere
Finally you can breathe
Nobody knows your name
It's easier
Shut your eyes tightly
Clench your fists 'til they almost bleed
Cautiously, lightly
Gently expose what's underneath
And all you feel now
Is the scarlet in the day
Even it's real
You can't stay...
-
So there you go
You're gone for good
There you go
You're gone for good
-
Your mind is swollen
From months of thought without release
They've taken their toll on you
This very moment
Of timid and fragile honesty
Is precious and rare and fleeting
And all you feel now
Is the scarlet in the day
Even it's real
You can't stay...
-

This summer has been really interesting, least to say. I have been in a constant battle with my flesh as it has tried to crawl off of the altar. It can only be described as one would describe a tiring, never ending battle, where you're exhausted but there is just no way you can quit, even if you wanted to. I have walked in a season where I've done my best to hold it all in and all together. I've done my best to convince God, with all my clever prayers and lofty thoughts, that I'm doing fine. With this impossible struggle, I have found that I've been driven into the wilderness, feeling alone, all alone. When I fake it, it turns out that the joke is on me. I haven't escaped the attention of Jesus, He still knows me. I first listened to this song Scarlet the other day, and it seemed to strike a chord in my heart that I didn't even know was there. Months of thought without release... This is my life. I think that God has tried desperately for way to long to teach me something, and I've been reluctant to learn it. Every time I'm lead into the wilderness, I think something's wrong, that I've sinned or am somehow unforgiven by God and I need to earn him back. I try to get back to him on my own, not even realizing that He never even left...I'm the one walking out on him. He has tried to show me that in those desert seasons, He's wanting me to draw closer to him not go look for him somewhere else. God is the God of every season. Instead of abandoning God when I can't feel him, I should be abandoning myself... gone for good. He waits for me to expose what's underneath. He wants my timid and fragile honesty. I've let the feeling of God's presence define whether or not he was there. God's presence is so much more vast than my simple perceptions of him. He goes way beyond all of it. This summer has been dry, and hard, and I don't think I have ever felt farther from God, ever. But this one thing I have come to realize... It's not about whether I can feel him or not. I know in the very depths of my heart that He hasn't moved, he's still right next to me, holding my hand the whole way. It's been a summer that has greatly challenged my faith... I know there have been moments where I failed that test, but God is teaching me to trust. I have got to learn to trust him deeply, and I don't think there is any other way. He wants my flesh gone for good. And so do I. I don't really know what I could say right now to convey just how much I love Jesus, and his grace over my life. Sometimes I guess it just takes a personal meeting, in the middle of nowhere, with God.
Still waiting,
Elyxis

The last couple of weeks :)

These last couple of weeks have been a blast! I havent been taking as many pictures as normal but here are just a few...

Drake park with Andrea!

Me taking a picture of Andrea, taking a picture of me... yes.

Too cool for school.

Taryn and all her might. !

Thomas' birthday day... the only pictures I took were the ones in the car. Somehow I forgot to take pictures of the rest of the day :) ha ha :)

That's really all i got... but Im leaving for camp today, so once I get back I will have some rad pictures for ya'll!

Peace.

Elyxis.

A Common Theme... Peace, Trust, Waiting, Protection, Strength

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock Eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4
"I, the Lord, watch over her; I water her continually. I guard her day and night so that no one may harm her." Isaiah 27:3
"May the God of peace... equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 20a-21
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him."
Isaiah 30:15,18
"The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." Isaiah 32:17
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress... He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is key to this treasure." Isaiah 33:2,6

God has been teaching me so much this past week! He has shown me a lot about myself and has started reteaching me a few things that I have forgotten. I realized today just how easy it is to get caught up in the affairs of this world, as I looked back on the past few months of my life. Most of my friends are gone in Africa right now... which means it's just been me and God. I went through all of high school as "just me and God", but since CLC, a whole family has been added to my life. Slowly, without even realizing it, I somehow became uncomfortable with just me and God. It's not that I didnt have a personal relationship with him or that I didnt pray or worship or anything like that... it's that I got so used to doing it with others, that I forgot how to do it alone. God has taken me through a journey this past week and has shown me how to trust in and wait on and persue him, on my own. I've gone through some mixed feelings about Africa, mainly that I really want to be there. But God has shown me that one of the reasons I'm not there, was so that I can relearn how to put ALL my hope and ALL my joy and ALL of my everything back in Him. He's taken me on long walks and bike rides and has helped me to find my identity in Him again. To be completely honest, before now, I found a lot of my happiness and peace in my friends, not God. I'm slightly embarrassed about this, but it's just the truth. I'm thankful God is showing me this now in my life and not later. This lesson will carry on through my whole life: with other friendships, with my marriage, and with my family. I CANNOT rely on these things or others to satisfy me, it all has to be in God's hands... not that these things are bad, but God created me to trust him. I dont even know if this post made any sense, but there it is. That's what's been going on. I hope all you all out there are having a good summer! Will post again soon!

Starting over (again),
Elyxis :)