The Life I Now Live! Project: Seattle.

One Year.

2011-09-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

One year ago, this week, I made the 7 hour trek up to Seattle, Washington. I can barely believe that it's already been a year. I am sitting here at one of my favorite spots (Backporch, at MY table mind you) thinking about all that I have done, all that God has done in the last 365 days. The only word that can scratch the surface of what I'm feeling at the moment is Thankful. I am so thankful that Jesus called me to Seattle. I am so thankful that he didn't hang me out to dry when I got there, but He has taught me about life and love and most important of all, he has taught me more about himself.

I think back to every time I have walked on the heights this year, and I feel the lingering sorrow of the times spent in the depths. I remember all the laughter, and I remember every tear. I recall every moment in Gods presence, and I bring to mind every word he spoke to me.

It's funny how I am entering a new season, even as the leaves are beginning to turn, and I feel myself longing to return to the adventure and uncertainty of this last year of my life. I have seen the pattern of my own humanity that is constantly looking back at what I had, wishing with every cell in my body that I could return for a moment to those days.

I have found that not only I, but all of my best friends, have come to that ledge between our childhood and finally being released to passionately pursue the dreams God has placed in our hearts... and we get to watch each other jump off that ledge. We each get to see the others experience the thrill of leaving comfort and security and feel the rush of free falling. We get to experience it for ourselves.

The ledge I find myself upon today is causing me to make a decision. Sure I have jumped before, but this one seems a bit more scary. It's hard to capture the exact emotions that have risen in my heart with this jump. I have driven back and forth between Bend and Seattle over 10 times in the past year. That's roughly 7,000 miles of trying to figure out where I belong. That's over 130 hours of trying to make a decision about who I think I am and who I think God has called me to be. I never realized before how much weight your location carries when it comes to your identity, or your perceived identity at least.

Tomorrow I drive back to Seattle once again. However, this time I'm gonna take a jump. This jump is unlike the other jumps I have taken. For too long I have let fear and my flesh cause me to hesitate when I'm trying to move forward. I have allowed my past to become this thing on a pedestal, rather than recognizing and appreciating it for what it was. For a year, I have lived FOR my past, not BECAUSE of it. Today I am approaching the ledge and tomorrow I will jump.

I am so excited. I am so THANKFUL that Jesus loves me the way he does. That he 's holding my hand, and that he has never expected me to go anywhere or jump off any edge by myself. I can say with all honesty that I believe that this next year is going to be better than any I've experienced, not because of my job or even my church, but because with every step I take toward Jesus, He's gonna take a million towards me.

I can't wait to see the strides my friends and I make this year, even as most of us are hundreds of miles apart. I know that God is working us into something bigger than we can even imagine. This year is going to be one for the books.

God is so good.

With all the love in my heart for my friends and my family,
Elyxis

Hannah and Samuel.

2011-06-30T14:54:00.000-07:00

Bend has never been so beautiful! I am so thankful for this time I have here to refocus and be refreshed. God is so faithful and so good!

With that said, I have been thinking a lot about these past 10 months in Seattle. I have asked myself a lot of questions. I have asked God even more questions. I know that Jesus has a plan in everything and that he always works all things together for good. So my petition to God right now is this: Show me. I need him to show me some why's. Not for the sake of knowing for my own simple desires, but because he has put it in my heart to ask him. I'm completely rested in the fact that he will answer my questions.

Today, I sat aside the seemingly large-scale questions and simply asked God to give me something new from his word... and boy, did he.

1 Samuel 1 is full of treasure of all sorts and I cannot count the number of times I have read through this passage, knowing that it is for me, in this season and in my life as a whole.

I don't know if you do this, but when I read passages from the bible, I try to figure out where I fit in the story. Am I the sinner, the saint, the crazy person, the brave person, the anointed person, the one who doesn't quite hit the mark... the list goes on. So as I delved into this story once again, I asked the question, 'Who am I?'

Am I Hannah, am I Samuel, am I Eli? I think the answer in Jesus is 'Yes, you are!' The season I'm in, coupled with the way God desires to use me could easily put me in any one of these people's shoes. So my next question was, 'God, which one am I right now?'

There's something significant that happens when you live your life for the moment God has given you, right then.

Immediately, I got a little ahead of myself and assumed that I was the Hannah in this story. She's a girl, I'm a girl. She was waiting on the promise and favor of God, I'm waiting on the promise and favor of God.. it made sense.

I asked God, 'What is my Samuel then?'

If I'm Hannah, there must be a Samuel. Right away I started flipping through the scrapbook of my mind, looking through pages of promises and words from the Lord that had not come to pass, yet. There were many things that I began to assume. Well certainly it must be this, or that. It probably has to do with that situation. It seems like this place or that place would fit in here. I assumed so many things!!

Then, clear as day, God made this simple suggestion:

Before you can have a Samuel of your own, you must learn to be a Samuel at my feet.

This, very quickly, caused me frantically to begin searching again through the first chapter of Samuel.

The reasonableness of my own mind again decided to pitch in it's two-sense. How can I be the Samuel we see in chapter one? He's a baby, and at most a kid by the end of the chapter. Everyone wants the Samuel we see in chapter 3,

"And Samuel grew, and the Lord was with him and let none of his words fall to the ground."
(v.19)

But the Samuel of chapter one? Literally the only things mentioned in regards to Samuel is that he was conceived, born, weaned, and then brought to the house of the Lord.

(As if the fact that his conception and birth was not a miracle enough in and of itself.)

I continued to read and reread this chapter, searching for some clue as to why God had said what he said.

I did a little research, and this is what I found:
Hannah was the first to call God the Lord of Hosts.

Lord of Hosts calls to the idea of the Lord of the Battle and the Army. Lord of the Appointed Time. It ropes in words like warfare, service, soldiers, to wage war, a campaign, to assemble, fight, perform, muster, and wait upon.

Samuel was to be a Nazarite. A Nazarite vow ensued 3 things: No cutting your hair, no drinking strong drink (wine), and no touching anything dead. However, only one of these things were mentioned; in v.11, 'No razor shall touch his head.'

No razor to come upon his head gives way to the idea that no fear of man shall come upon him.

The idea of weaning in this specific situation was to allow Samuel to grow in maturity until he had the capacity and ability to serve in the house of the Lord.

Back then, weaning typically had 3 stages: from the mothers milk (at 3 years old), from their tender age (at 7 years old) , and from childish manners (at 12 years old).

As I read these things, God started speaking to my heart.

I found myself in much frustration this past year as I have struggled and strived trying to figure out what God wanted for me and what he was trying to speak to me and how he wanted to use me. I was trying to not only figure out what my Samuel's were, but was subconsciously trying to skip the chapter one version of Samuel in order to get to the chapter 3 version.

Even as I'm typing this, God is showing me how he has faithfully spoken this very thing to me day in and day out up in Seattle, in various ways and forms.

Before you can have a Samuel of your own, you must learn to be a Samuel at my feet.

Samuel grew up, most likely until the age of 12, with his mother Hannah. He sat under her care. She was the one to bring him out of childish ways and into a place where he was capable of walking out and fulfilling the vow that was over his life, to serve the Lord all the days of his life,without the fear of man..

I know that nothing in the bible is there by accident, so I can't help but conclude that the Lord of Hosts is in there on purpose.

In times where I find myself like Hannah, afraid and wondering if God will ever answer my prayers or give me victory, I remember that He is the Lord of the Battle and the Appointed Time.

There are so many gems in this chapter and I am completely overwhelmed and find it difficult to even begin to describe all of the things that Jesus has shown me.

I wrote this down as I was reading,

Jesus is keeping me in his arms and close to him, teaching me and bringing me up, in him, so that when I am ready, he can take me into the house of the Lord and bring a release over my life so that I can be the Samuel whom the Lord was with, whose words never fell to the ground.

I love when Jesus gives me greater revelation of who he is. It's the best in the whole world..

Loving the sunshine,
Elyxis

He Has A Plan!

2011-06-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

These are two amazing sermons that were spoke at my church, The City Church, that if you allow them, could most definitely change your life.

I just listened to these two back to back and it packs a powerful punch of Jesus awesomeness. :)

The first is a message titled Jesus Is The All Powerful One, preached this past October by Pastor Judah.

The second is a message titled Getting A Vision For Your Life, preached just a month ago, in May. Perry Noble is hilarious and anointed by God.

You will not regret listening to either or both of them. So good!

Be blessed on this day!

Elyxis

With Summer Comes The Sun!

2011-06-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

Well, where to start? I find myself on this partly cloudy Saturday at a Starbucks in Issaquah Washington. I'm having a mostly good hair day. My fabulous red TOM'S arrived in the mail this week and I've worn them for 4 days straight. I'm drinking a chai. I'm really really sore from starting my workouts this week. The seat I'm sitting in is pretty hard, but I have a good view.

But mostly, right this moment, I miss my life in Bend. I miss the people in Bend. I miss being comfortable. I miss things being easy.

I've found myself in this predicament and I find myself wondering why and how..

I've got to get honest somewhere to someone, so right now this is what I have, here and you.. whoever you may be and wherever you may be.

There's something that happens when you suddenly become aware of your surroundings and that you are alone in them, or so it feels like. That's where I am now. That dirty, rotten devil has yet again tried to persuade me that I am alone.

For nine months now, I have lived in an unfamiliar place (a little more familiar than at first, but still unfamiliar) and I have tried to figure out how to live a grown-up life and make grown-up decisions. Before I moved, I thought that it would be somehow fulfilling, to be in an unknown place with nothing but the future ahead of me. But right now, with brutal honesty, I have to admit that I only feel alone and unfulfilled.

I've been through any and every class I can take that teaches me about God and I've read my bible, a lot, and I know how it "works". If I look to Jesus to find all of my fulfillment and not to anything in this world, I will be fulfilled. That's the bible right there.

So the question going through my mind right now is this, "I thought I was looking to Jesus, so why do I feel this way?"

"I don't know"'s are all that is going my mind right now.

That's really all I can make out at the moment, is "I don't know."

But I do know that God absolutely does. I do know that He loves me. I do know that He's sitting with me here at this Starbucks. I do know that He's holding my hand and my heart.

I have no idea who reads my blog, but if you happen to read this semi-long and maybe even downer-esque post, I would love and absolutely appreciate any small prayers you may send up for me or any encouraging verses you could leave in the comment link.

Lastly, you may be wondering the reason for the title on this post. It's simple really. I'm just believing that with summer, sunshine will come, and that with that a little bit of breakthrough.

That's about it. :)

I can do this,

Elyxis

2011-05-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

"When the whirlwind passes, the wicked are no more, but the uncompromisingly righteous have an everlasting foundation."

Proverbs 10:25

God you are my strength, Jesus you are the joy set before me. Not once have you gone out from underneath me. Not once have you left me to fend for myself. You have surrounded me and covered me. You have brought me to know your goodness. You have taught me to endure your silence, and not only endure it, but press through it. You have shown me that there is always breakthrough coming, it's constantly on its way. Every surge of my own resistance is met by a typhonic flood of your grace. The winds of this life, both uncontrollable and ones created by the fan of my own desires, cannot endure the strength of your love. The seas of inescapable emotion that wear on my soul, they are silenced by you alone. You have shown me that the whirlwind, when endured by a righteous person, produces only an everlasting foundation for them to stand on.

I have wandered in out and of your presence, and as sure as the tides of the ocean, have wandered to and fro amongst many shifting shores. Will I serve you with my whole heart. Will I love you even when I feel forgotten.

Forgetfulness, a word not in your vocabulary, except in the wondrous way of your forgiveness. You forget my sin, and bring to life every fiber of my being. You are not capable of forgetting a single cell in my body.

I've seen my worth through many lenses, but all these have been shattered. The image of your Son has come into clearer focus. The colors have began to brighten, after countless days spent relying on black and white images, strung together to embody a motion picture that I thought was my life. Whether I jumped backwards or looked ahead, it was still only greyscale living. You are stripping my mind of the memories of colorless living. You are painting new dreams upon my heart, using the red of your blood and redemption, the yellow of your glory, heaps of blue that bring your eternal presence into my life, lacing it with the purple of your majesty, and highlighting it all with the purest white. You are my creator. I often stumble backwards in awe of the beauty of your masterpiece.

Day by day, You give to me more of the promise. The hues of color come alive to me! You're teaching me to see again. You're teaching me that without contrast, and saturation, and exposure, there is no perfection! You bring to the table what I cannot.

So what have I left, if not you alone? I'm seeing the hand of the painter, the strong right hand of the one who calms the storm.

Jesus, in light of all of this...in light of you, the only reasonable response I can conjure is to allow you to use every storm, every heartache, every pain and trouble to reinforce the foundation I have in you. I'm sure in the end, it will not matter the things I do for you or the things I don't do for you. What will matter is whether or not I loved you more than I ever thought I could, and this only by your grace.

Jesus I am amazed by you.

Elyxis

You Hold My Hand

2011-04-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

"But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend; you whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, saying to you, 'You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off'; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand... For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you.'"

I came across this scripture yesterday as I was flipping through my bible. It was one of those moments when you feel God whisper in your ear, you know those moments. It was one of those moments that you wish would last for the rest of your life. It was one of those moments that you don't want to leave, ever. You dont want to disturb it with your thoughts or plans for the day. You just want to keep it perfect. The thing that makes it perfect, the only perfection I can vaguely experience on this earth... Jesus. In moments like that, you feel like you get to take off your earth suit, and you get to simply be in the presence of Jesus... no limitations, you find yourself free.

There is something astoundingly freeing knowing that the words of the Bible are true, and not only that, but they are being displayed in my life, day in and day out, and to go even further, they are living inside me.

This scripture puts me at ease, when everything around me wants to tell me the opposite of who God is and what he has said about me. He is the one who called me, He took me from the farthest places, He will not cast me away, He is with me, He is my God, He will strengthen me, He will help me, He will uphold me with His righteous right hand, He will hold my hand, He will surely help me.

Despite anything and all that I do, he is the One who sustains me. This new season in Seattle has been life changing and God has been so good, but I'm learning that its not so much about seasons as it is about the person of Jesus Christ. The personification of Grace and Love, Mercy and Hope, in and through my life... even despite my life.

I feel like I'm on the threshold of breakthrough, personally and spiritually. I'm reminded in times of waiting, like right now, that it is indeed God who is strengthening me and taking me from glory to glory. He's holding my hand, and he's got my back. I love him so much.

A waiting heart,

Elyxis

Seattle: Day 190

2011-03-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

Im sitting here, on a rainy Tuesday night in Seattle, and the only thing I can think about is how good God is and how much he's blessed my life, in incredible ways and with incredible people. Seattle has been an amazing adventure so far. I love life here, so so much! God has taught me so much and has brought me closer and closer to him. I recently looked back at some prophetic words that I recieved concerning my time here in Seattle and I was literally speechless. It took a lot not to burst into tears as I read through all of these things and realized that God was actually doing them. I believed that God would do them, but somewhere in the back of my mind I assumed that it would be a long time until I began to see fruit after moving here. Thank goodness I was wrong, and God is a gracious God. It brings me so much satisfaction knowing that I'm smack-dab in the middle of what God has for me, right now, and that He has given me a specific grace for this very season. Don't get me wrong, I have definitely sown many tears, but JOY comes in the morning... I feel like the dawn is finally breaking. Praise the Lord. Looking at my life with my eyes alone, it feels a bit normal. However, God has been revealing to me his vantage point. My life here is nothing short of supernatural. Every day is a tool in my hand. Pastor Brian Houston from Hillsong preached at our church this past weekend and his word confirmed so many things in my heart. He spoke about how we cannot discount the day at hand because it's not where we want to be. It's God's gift to us that we can dream and hope for the future, yet it is also His will that we understand that life is short and living for today is one of the most effective ways we can advance the Kingdom of God. I can't let the dreams that God's given me for my future rob the gift that he's placed in my hands for today. The power of what I am doing right now is more effective for right now than just waiting around for the day that something "big" will happen. God is looking for chasers of his will and purpose, not people who sit back and wait for the call of God to come smack them in the face. God has definitely shown me what it is he has for me to do right now, so I have determined to do it with all my might. I don't want to miss what God has for me now, because of what I think I should be doing now or in the future. I have set my heart on the fact that God is my promoter- I don't have to make a way for myself and I don't have to prove myself. I focus on God, I get closer to God, He uses me, He gets the glory. That's the simple truth of it.
There's not time to even begin to scratch the surface of all that God has been doing in me. I'm falling more in love with him, by his grace. I realized that I came up here thinking I knew enough about God, for then at least, and wanted to figure out who I was. But I think my thinker was a little backwards. I'm finding that the more I try to figure out who I am, I get lost and find my eyes wandering from where I should be going. But the more I look to the Rock of the Ages, the Sure Foundation, the One from whom my help comes from, the Faithful One, the only Constant, Neverchanging, Everloving, God, full of Truth and Grace, when I look at him, then and only then, do I know who I am.

I justed passed my 6 month anniversary of living up here, and in about a week will be the one year anniversary of my first visit to Seattle and the church I now call home, The City Church. It has been the best experience of my life so far! I do not regret a thing.

And I would like to thank my mom, for always loving me and supporting me and sending me home with amazing food every time I come home for a visit. :) Love ya Momma!

Blessed!
Elyxis

Wide, Open Spaces...

2010-11-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

I once knew a girl who was bound up inside. Years of building walls had proved to do the exact opposite of what she had hoped for. Instead of offering protection, these walls served as the bars of a jail cell. She knew there was life available and willingly ready for her to step into, any day she chose. Yet the walls were strong. On one side, she was hemmed in by fear... fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of being hurt again. Another wall was titled pride. She thought to herself, "If I break through this wall, I'll have to admit that I don't have it all together..." What if people thought badly of her. Behind, a wall of unforgiveness taunted her. How could she move beyond what these people had done to her. Memories echoed loudly in her head. Abuse. Abandonment. They walked on her. They overlooked her. They held her back. She wasn't worth it to them.

However, all of these walls failed to compare with the wall that was in front of her. This wall had many names. Faithlessness. Disbelief. Mistrust. Doubt. Anger. These things had crept together to form a monster that she wasn't prepared to deal with. The worst part of this creature was that it was staking its flag on the plot of land called God. She was angry with God for bringing her to this point in her life. She had lost faith that he wanted to take care of her. She didn't believe that he had good things for her. She didn't trust him to heal her. She doubted that he even wanted to.

The girl had taken jewelry and makeup to decorate these walls, maybe they wouldn't look as ugly on the outside as they did on the inside. She hoped no one would notice.

Although the walls screamed at her everyday, pushing her down into deeper despair, something in her heart wouldn't let her go under. There was a dream in the depths of her heart that hoped that the small voice that whispered, "Come to Me", was indeed real and true. What was she supposed to do. Her hands couldn't fit between the jail bars, they were too close together. She wasn't strong enough the break them. She didn't have the authority to have them unlocked.
She had had enough. Quietly at first, but growing louder with each call, she cried out for help. "Help! Help!"

She was startled as a crack shot through the wall on her left. Crumbling to the ground, the wall began to disintegrate. The jail bars began to fall out of place, clanking loudly against the hard concrete ground. She yelled all the more loudly, calling out to be rescued. Fear of being buried in the rubbish overtook her as she fell to her knees, crying, wondering if she would make it out alive. Sounds of destruction and violence whirled around her like a tempest. She closed her eyes. And then, silence.

"We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand - out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise."
Romans 5:1-2

She had never seen such beauty.
She had never stood so tall.
She had never been so free.
She had never felt so loved.

Who is this Jesus? He is grace and acceptance, life and joy, forgiveness and hope.

I am so thankful this girl now knows new freedom.

Standing where I always hoped I would,
Elyxis

Jesus Is _________.

2010-10-17T00:36:00.000-07:00

Well, where to start, that's the real question! I have lived here in Seattle for a little over a month and I am absolutely blown away by Jesus. Words cannot give justice to the way that God has loved me and how he's changed me and grown me... I am truly in awe of him! The week after I moved here The City Church started a series called Jesus Is____. In this series, we have been traveling through the book of Mathew to figure out what the Word of God says about Jesus. Lots of people have their own definition of who Jesus is, whether negative or positive. (visit jesus-is.org if you want to see what people all around the world have to say about Jesus). I believe that Jesus knew that I needed to know more of who he is when I moved here... which I do! :) Moving here has been one of the most challenging but rewarding steps that I've taken in my life so far. I've only been here a month and I'm already starting to see fruit that comes from obedience. Jesus has revealed himself in so many ways, and I have found myself falling more and more in love with him... it's exhilarating! This weekend, in our Jesus Is series, Pastor Judah preached a message called Jesus Is the All Powerful One. He shared the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 and the 4,000 in Mathew 14 and 15. I am constantly amazed as I read and learn more about this God-Man that came to earth to die for me. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. His name is so powerful. In chapter 14, the word says that the people were with Jesus till late in the day in a deserted place. In chapter 15, it says that the people followed Jesus for 3 days. Obviously, if you followed someone around for a whole day, let alone three whole days, you would probably be hungry and tired. It says that Jesus had compassion on them and when he saw that they were tired and fatigued, he asked his disciples to feed them. They brought the little they had and Jesus multiplied it. It says that ALL were fed and that there were even baskets of left-overs. Jesus did not turn the people away and tell them to go find food on their own... he understood that because of the time and place they were in, they were hungry. Jesus is powerful enough to overcome the time and place I'm in, and I am so thankful for that! God's love and the measure with which he cares is totally and completely out of control. I was challenged tonight as I heard this message... have I let time and circumstance be the preacher I hear? Have I allowed my past experiences, my present problems, and my current circumstances to convince me that they are more powerful than God?? No matter where I am or how long I've been there, Jesus is more powerful than anything I face. That's the truth of it. Jesus is working something wonderful together in my life, I just need to understand his position and my own. Jesus is the all powerful one.
Sometimes I wonder when I'll figure it out or if I ever will, but Jesus is so good to quiet me with his love. I have found that since moving here, if I don't make an active, conscious choice to let God's peace have rule over my heart, I become a crazy lady! There are so many things in the practical that I could be stressed about and so many things I see in myself that I want to change... but I have to wait on God. It's a day by day thing here. I can't get away with what I used to in Bend, and I like it that way. If I skip a day and don't center myself in Jesus, I feel it. (and the poor people in traffic have to deal with me too... I HATE traffic, and Lord help me when I get into traffic without my Jesus.) As the season is changing, I have a hope in God that I don't know that I've had before... It truly is amazing! I am so thankful for what God is doing and am so excited to see what he's gonna do with this new season!
Maybe sometime I'll actually take some pictures and eventually get them on here too :)

twitterpated and in love with Jesus,
Elyxis

2010-08-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The Steadfast Love of the Lord never ceases; His Mercies never come to an end; They are new every morning; Great is Your Faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I will hope in Him.'"
Lamentations3:21-24

I don't know how ok I am with how fast my last month in Bend is going by! It's been so good as I have (tried my best to) put on the mind of Christ about moving away from everyone and everything I love and am comfortable with and find security in. God has been so faithful to give me peace knowing that he is in control. He knows me more than I know myself. This summer has truly been a summer of hiding myself in the Word of God... with all the stuff (and by stuff, I mean crap) going on in my life, I have no idea where I would be if I had choose anything else. I have had quite the time of it, trying to think differently than I ever have before... When you have your life defined by certain things, for practically your whole life, and you think about it being different, it kinda takes you for a whirl. I have absolutely NO idea what life will look like up in Seattle, but this I call to mind: God's love never ends, his mercies are forever and are new every morning, his faithfulness is above measure, and he alone is my portion... therefore I have this great hope. I cannot wait to see what he does! I love him so much! SO MUCH!!!!

"No shuffling or stumbling around for this one, but a sterling and solid and lasting reputation. Unfazed by rumor or gossip, heart ready, trusting in God, Spirit firm, unperturbed, ever blessed, relaxed among enemies... an honored life! A beautiful life!"
Ps.112:7-8(the Message)

These scriptures are where I choose to stake my flag.

Standing on the Rock,
Elyxis

Moving on Up... or Down... or All Around... Who knows? God knows.

2010-08-05T15:40:00.000-07:00

Holy guacamole!!! I haven't been so good about keeping this thing updated! This summer has flown by at unappreciated speed and I've bumped into one of the biggest decisions I have ever had to make. I am so excited about what God's doing in my life and how is using me and how he will use me! I am moving up to Seattle! :) I absolutely cannot wait, I'm crawling out of my skin with excitement! Back in March, God gave me a word out of Deuteronomy 1... at the time, I was looking into maybe checking out San Fran and moving down there. It's really cool how when you are willing to take steps, God will begin to direct them. I once was told that God cannot steer someone who's not moving. So after looking into that and having those doors closed, I wondered what God would have for me to do this next fall. Shortly after God gave me the word, I went up to Seattle for the Generation Church Conference, and God did something in me that I cannot explain... He reminded me of several prophetic words that I had received in the past and totally, radically changed my perspective of him and of myself. Oh man! It was great! I came home and went about the rest of my 2nd year of CLC, totally forgetting about the word that God had given me before my trip up to Seattle. So, what was the word you might ask??? God reminded me this morning, out of no where... it just popped into my head. And it rocked my world, again.

"You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Turn and take your journey... See I have set the land before you, go in and take possession of the land... 'Where are we going up? Our brothers have made our hearts melt, saying, The people are greater and taller than we. The cities are great and fortified up to heaven. And besides, we have seen the sons of Anakim (giants) there.' Then I said to you, 'Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way you went until you came to this place... who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go."

God has been so faithful to me... When I made the decision in the beginning of June to move to Seattle, the enemy was right there to come in and put fear and anxiety into my heart and mind. I began to think like the people of Israel had in this scripture... the city is so big, I am so small, what can I possibly do to make a difference up there? He caused me to doubt the gifts God had put in me, he caused me to doubt that God had called and anointed me, he caused me to doubt that I was worthy and loved by God, and he caused me to doubt that God could even use me. The scripture in John 10 that says the enemy has come to kill, steal, and destroy has never been so real to me before. Sure I've been through hard things, but I have never come under an attack so close and personal to my heart and my identity in Christ. This is the day that I say no more! God has been revealing to me over the past few days just how much I have let this fear infect all my decisions and my emotions. It was literally killing me. I love this scripture because God first releases them to go and reminds them that he is the one who is giving them the land. Then he addresses the immediate reaction (that every human that's ever lived deals with), the fear. He declares all of these victorious things over Israel, "I go before you, I will fight for you, I will carry you, I will show you which way to go...". The part the really got my heart was how it said, "The LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son..." I don't think I'm the only one who has ever struggled with this, but trying to understand God as my Father, it's really hard for me. God has been a father to me, but only to the extent that I have let him. I want so badly to let him in more. I want to let him carry me into this next season. I will not waste God's plan for my life trying to make it work on my own. I just won't. I want to learn so much and grow so much closer to God than I ever have before. I am so expectant that God will do something drastic in me that will change how I live out the rest of my life. I don't want to be a lazy, comfortable, apathetic christian girl who is ineffective in the Kingdom of God. I want to be someone who walks so closely with the Holy Spirit that others feel the presence of God. I want to be someone who makes the enemy scared. I want to be the woman that God has created me to be. I want to be a fighter. I know that God is faithful. This one thing I know to be true more than I know that the sky is blue: God is faithful. God will show me the way to go.

This is scary and exciting and totally outrageous all at the same time, but I am so excited to see what God does in the next year of my life. I will miss my family and my wonderful friends so, so much... but I know it's what I need to do. I really love Jesus, like a whole stinking lot :)

The "almost city girl",
Elyxis
:)

The Best of the Best!

2010-06-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

So, for some reason unknown to me, these picture decided to upload in miniature size.
I haven't posted pictures in FOREVER, so I have quite a bit of catch up to do!
Here's when we went to Idaho!

We took these during our 45 minute long detour (aka we went the wrong way for a long time!)

Seattle!!!!

The Crew.

CLC representing!

CLC Graduation, 2010!!!

CLC Picture Day!

For some reason, this picture's normal size, so that's awesome.
:)

Beard and Mustache competition!

redonculous.

Beach Trip with Stacia!
(All these are big too?)
Oh well!

So that's the past 3 months in a nutshell!
Wooo Hoooo!

Incredibly Excited About Summer!
Elyxis!

.:The Winds Are About To Change:.

2010-05-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

So it comes down to this. Tomorrow is my last day of CLC. Holy Cow. There are so many emotions flowing through my veins right now! I am inexpressibly excited to enter into a new season and to enter in to all the fullness that God has for me. I am overjoyed by the things that God has done in my life over the past two years. I am overwhelmed when I think of how he's blessed me with such amazing friends. I am also sad. Not a sadness from regret or mistake, but a heightened awareness of the fact that this amazing season of my life is coming to a close. God has been so faithful to give me peace and joy over the past few weeks. I for sure will miss this time of my life... it's been awesome! I value all that he's done. I value the people he's brought me so close to. I value Jay and Bo so much. I value his word more than I ever have. I value my time with him so much more. I value my own life more. I value obedience. I value relationship. I value the Holy Spirit. But one thing I am especially thankful for is the fact that this is also the beginning of something incredibly beautiful and precious to the Lord, in not only my life, but my friends' lives too. I absolutely cannot wait to see where God takes us all. I have such a sense of hope and excitement. I know that God will take us on different paths and towards different goals... but this I also know: He has allowed us to cross paths for the past two years, and because of that, I have been blessed and have learned and have been healed of past hurts and have loved deeper... for that I am truly grateful. I know that throughout our lives God will bring us to intersections where we will cross paths again. This is not the end, but the beginning. I'm trying not to get all sappy and emotional about this, but I can't help it! There is a tension in my spirit as God teaches me to cherish and treasure, but also live a life with open hands... open to receive and open to let go. It's hard, I'll get it someday. But for now, here I am.

"His lightnings light up the world; the earth sees and trembles." Psalm 97.

We are his lightnings, and he's going to send us out... I cannot wait to see what he does!

This song has been playing through my head for the past week or so, so here it is!

Oh Happiness!
Elyxis

Beauty

2010-05-16T13:28:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would share this super cool picture I took last weekend!
God is pretty rad.

Also:
I graduate two weeks from this Wednesday. This is also a beautiful thing.

Crossroads: prt2

2010-05-06T22:53:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you're in that place where you know God is speaking and directing you, but it's just kind of fuzzy? Gosh, I know that feeling all too well right now! I know that I'm about to enter into a season of my life where the decisions I make, whether they seem small or big, will set the pace for how I walk out these next few years after CLC, and maybe even how I walk out the rest of my life. I think every young adult comes to the point where they realize the call of God on their life and that it's for real, it's not a game. My choices, out of obedience to Christ or not, will determine the outcome of my life. I don't want to be a sleepy, ineffective, passive Christian... I just don't want to! I've contemplated much what I will do after June 2nd, 2010. I am graduating. I can't even remember what life outside of CLC looks like! I for sure have never experienced "grown up life" (if you could call it that) outside of CLC. I was 17 when I started, and now I'm almost 20. My affection and love for God has gotten so deep in my heart over the past two and a half years. I look at all he has done in my life, and am constantly blown away by his grace and swept away by his love. So what will I do after I graduate... God knows. I don't need to know this exact second...
One of the greatest truths I have come to really own over the past two years is that God really is the only one who can satisfy me, the only one. When you are alone enough, and go through hard things enough, and after looking to as many other things as you can for long enough, you come to realize this very thing...Jesus is enough. There are dreams and desires in my heart that I cannot wait for God to fulfill! I see a lot of people my age, more particularly girls my age, who live their lives out of a place of desperation (not for God), fear, anxiety, worry, stress, and who try so hard to be who they think their friends or the world or their parents want them to be. I'll be the first to admit it... I live out of that place way too often. God is showing me that he doesn't want another _______ (fill in the name), he wants me, just as I am. Last week, I was worshiping in a large group of people and my mind started to wander just a tad bit, and I felt God speak to me so clearly. It was as if he was grabbing my face and holding it and shouting above all the chaos and noise, simply saying, "Right now, I want you... forget about all these other people... I want you." I know that God cared about those other people in the room and that he was ministering to them and all that (cuz he's God) but it was just this intimate moment where I knew it was just him and I... and that's how it should be. Sometimes you just need God to remind you that he's in love with you!

I once heard a man say this:

I have never lacked any good thing, I don't lack any good thing, and I don't suspect I ever will.

Living satisfied in Jesus is for sure a choice, that I know! But the reality and beautiful truth of it all is that the creator of the whole freaking universe chose me, and passionately loves me, and is eternally committed to growing in relationship with me. When I live like I actually believe that, being satisfied in Jesus is like breathing air... sure, sometimes there are complications, but you can't help but breath.... breathing deep and long. I want to live in satisfaction like that!

Learning and living to choose Jesus,
Elyxis

At The Feet of Jesus

2010-04-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day, about the feet of Jesus. What is the significance of someone who lives their life at the feet of Jesus? What are they doing at the feet of Jesus? Why are they there? So many questions! What is it about the feet of my Savior that is so enthralling? I'm not really talking about his actual feet, cuz lets face it people, feet are kinda gross... especially then, when everyone walked everywhere, in stinky sandals, with sweaty dirt stained feet. I'm talking about what being at someone's feet actually means... what do you have to give up to be at someone's feet? Throughout Jesus' life time, there were many people who chose to rest or fall or just simply be at his feet. There are four different occasions that I want to look at where people decided to go to his feet:

The first three occasions are with Mary (Martha and Lazarus' sister)
There are three different portions of scripture that I feel really tell Mary's story.

The first is in Luke 10:38-42. Here we have the well known story, where Martha is working and running around like a chicken with its head cut off, while Mary decides to sit at Jesus' feet and listen. Jesus says of Mary, "She has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

The second story is found in John 11 where we come across Mary in a seemingly hopeless situation. Her brother Lazarus is dead. Martha and Mary had sent for Jesus, to come and heal their brother, but he didn't show up... he appeared on the scene a little to late. Jesus waited outside the town, and Mary, hearing he had finally come, ran to him. Verse 32, "Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet saying, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.'"

The third story is found one chapter later, in John 12. 12:3 says, "Mary therefore took a pound of of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair." Mary was there to worship. I would be in the same place if Jesus rose my brother from the dead!

These are three very different reasons to be at Jesus' feet, the first is an active choice to listen, the second seems an outcry of desperation, and the third is in response to the goodness of Jesus. In the first story, Mary understood the importance of listening to Jesus, in the second story, she was driven to the feet of Jesus because of a circumstance that seemed grim and hopeless, and in the third story she was going to a place of sacrifice and intimate worship that was understood by her and Jesus alone (we see this in the next verse as Judas criticizes her for her decision).

The fourth occasion that I want to look at is when Jesus was delivered up and crucified on the cross. Here we see a group of people who kneel at Jesus' feet out of ignorance, selfishness, and sin.

Mathew 27:28-29, "And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, 'Hail, King of the Jews!'"

Mark 15:16-19, "They (the soldiers) called together a whole battalion (which, by the way is about 600 men). And they clothed him in a purple cloak, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on him. And they began to salute him, 'Hail, King of the Jews!' And they were striking him and kneeling down in homage to him."

John 19:23-24, "When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took his garments and divided them into four parts, one part for each soldier; also his tunic. But the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom, so they said to one another, 'Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be.' This was to fulfill the scripture which says, 'They divided my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots.' So the soldiers did these things."

These soldiers sat at the foot of the cross dividing up Jesus' clothing. They were there to take.

As I have read through these different accounts of people going to Jesus' feet, God has asked me one question: Why and when do YOU come to my feet?

I know that more often than not I find myself at Jesus' feet for selfish reasons. I can kneel before him to listen, to be comforted, to worship, or I can come in, mocking his power, and take.

More than anything, I want to be a Mary. I don't want to be the Roman Soldiers, no way! At the beginning, I asked a question: What is the significance of someone who lives their life at the feet of Jesus. Maybe the question should be this: What is the significance of the life of someone who lives their life at the feet of Jesus. On my own, I am not significant. "Someone's" aren't significant. Thinking about the whole world, and thinking about my little life, I feel just that... little. Living my life at the feet of Jesus won't make me, as a person, significant but it will make the life that Christ lives through me significant.

Galations 2:20 (the Message)
"What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that."

The life I now live is in Christ, it is Christ living in and through me! He simply asks me to come to his feet, for anything and at anytime (in fact, that's the place where I should live!)

A life lived at the feet of Jesus allows a channel through which God can pour, in a way that I believe cannot be achieved by any other means. A life lived at the feet of Jesus is an effective, infective, fruit-bearing, radical life... this kind of life can change the world!

There is so many facets to God's grace and I love discovering things that I have never seen before... His grace astounds me!

Choosing feet :)
Elyxis

Crossroads

2010-04-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

7 weeks from now I will be graduating my second year of Cascade Life Commission. Um, what?! I think time is playing tricks on me! I can hardly believe that it's come and gone so quickly...
...oh my goodness...
God has done so much in my life over the past 2 years.
I am indeed at a Crossroad.

Two weekends ago, I went to the Generation Church Conference up in Seattle... it was awesome! God spoke to me in such a personal way, He gave me a bit of direction, and He reignited passion in my heart! Jesus Rocks!

He's been taking me to a place everyday in my devotions of just discovering more and more of his presence and showing me who he really is...
I think everyone has certain ways that they view God or connect with him or whatever. These are good things when they are inspired by the Holy Spirit. But when the way we view God is solely influenced by our own experiences, we can get terribly off track, quickly.

God has been so faithful to reveal the wrong mindsets that have been setting up camp in my brain for many many years... not only that, but He's been faithful to show my how to get rid of them too :)
Today He showed me this, from 2 Corinthians 12:14-15
"Here for the third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not be a burden, for I seek not what is yours but you. For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls. If I love you more, am I to be loved less?"

I read this like a little note from a father to his daughter.

I have never thought of a father who would spend and be spent for his daughter.
Today God showed me that I cannot put my mindsets about my earthly father on Him, because he is not like that. God is my Father. He's saving up for me. He will stop at nothing to see me become who he created me to be and to know Him like He knows me.
This is why I love Him!

He's different then I expected and everything I hoped for and far beyond anything I could have ever dreamed and nothing I deserve and all that I want!

I love Him a whole lot!

After CLC, I have no real definite plan of what I'm gonna do with my life, but I know that as I enter into this Crossroad in my life, this intersection of potential and opportunity and God's purpose, something beautiful and adventurous will happen! I'm so excited, I'm pretty sure I have no words to really describe to you just how excited I am to enter into a new season and to enter into all that Jesus has for me! It's gonna be freaking awesome!

I am madly in love with a wonderful, gracious, caring, loving savior.
Who knew life with Christ could be like this?!
...Oh Jesus...
!!!

So Madly in Love!,
Elyxis

.:The Hero:.

2010-03-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

So I have had some very interesting conversations over the past week about the differences between guys and girls... and I've come to the conclusion that we are total opposites, but each make one half of a whole. Before I explain myself further, I would like to put this disclaimer out there: someone else does not make us whole, Jesus Christ makes us whole, and completes and fulfills us, in a way that no other human can. With that said though, God was so intelligent in his design of men and women... he did make us each a part of one whole. God made man and women in his image. I was having a conversation with an awesome guy friend of mine the other day, and he said something that I had never thought of before. He said that females show him more of who God is whenever he's around them (some, on the other hand he said, show him satan....but those aren't the ones we're talking about here, haha!). Women, especially the ones who love Jesus, are intriguing... there's beauty and mystery, gentleness and kindness, love and grace. It really took me aback as he talked about it. So often you hear guys, well the immature ones at least, complain about women... that they're too emotional, too hard to understand, not worth the effort, too this, not enough of this, and so on. It's funny how mindsets set in so readily and easily. I totally realized that even though I am a girl, I had started to buy in to these lies. I found myself questioning myself. Maybe I am too much, maybe I think too much, or maybe I even feel to much. WHAT?! That's such a load of crap! I am made in God's freaking image! You know, God is fierce, strong, brave, courageous, vengeful, jealous, wrathful, and He's a warrior. So true. And I'm thankful that he's the pursuer and that he is all of these things. I wouldn't want him any other way, no thank you to wimpy-ness! But people!, God is loving and kind, his mercies are new every morning, every morning! He is slow to anger. He weeps for us. He feels the things that I feel. He is beauty. He is mystery. God is the author of these things, he's the author of me...
Another thing that's been on my mind is just knowing God, REALLY knowing God, as my most intimate friend and even, dare I say it, my most intimate lover. Risque, I know! Men in general want to be the hero, they want to save the day and solve the puzzle. They want to succeed. They want to be "MAN!" {little side note: you can insert the word Man or simply the letter "M" into any sentence, word, or phrase and it instantly becomes more manly, i.e. "mable" (man table), man class (vs. our "women's issues"), man dates, man nights, man tights (ok, yeah I made that one up...), you get the moint (man point)} Anyways... wow, WAY off track! (ok, serious time) Jesus was fully God and fully man. Anytime that I've ever thought of him dying on the cross for me, I've known it was all for love... but I guess I've never thought about what kind of love... it was more than the love you have for your favorite pop tart or chick-flick, and certainly more than just someone he had to love. I can't even wrap my little brain around it! On the cross, he was my hero... he was taking my shame and my guilt and the total of my failures, and he completely accepted them as his own, so that I could know his Father. He was a real Man, to the fullest degree and extent. I think a stereo-type that society has put on men is that they can't fail, mess up, or be wrong and still be a real man... after those screw-up's, they become some sort of version of half a man, or not one at all. Can I just say how much this is so untrue! By all outward appearances, Jesus had failed as a man. I can only wonder what was going on in his heart and in his spirit as he hung on that cross, for me. Did he see beauty and mystery in me, did he see something in me that was worth dying for? This goes for both men and women... what did he see in us?!

So much to take in! It's made me stop and look at 3 things in myself:

Am I portraying the image of God that he has placed inside of me, as a woman after his own heart?
Have I let Jesus have my heart, as my hero and rescuer and most intimate lover?
What can I do to invite the Men of God around me to reveal more of the image that God has placed inside of them, as men?

Like I was talking about at the beginning of this ridiculously long thing, God has made us two parts of one whole. We are so opposite in some areas, and scarily more similar in ways we didn't know we were in other areas. God made us to compliment each other. Sure, compliments about clothing or biceps are nice, but that's not what I'm talking about... what I'm proposing here is that together we can most accurately portray the very image and character of the Living God. That's a big statement, if I've ever heard one!
Take a sec to think about what that actually means....

This "little" revelation is simply blowing my mind... why have I never thought about this before? This whole thing is probably old news to most people... haha :)

How to end this blog escapes me.
This process of understanding God and men and all matters in life is so much fun...
I love Jesus :)

In the arms of my hero,
Elyxis

Removing Locks from my Heart...

2010-02-05T10:12:00.000-08:00

This past week truly has been amazing! In my last post I was talking about the wilderness. I have been in the wilderness, for sure. I made the decision to face the wilderness and stop trying to run away from it and was pleasantly surprised! There are still things that I need to deal with (as always) but I feel like at one level or another, I have started to break through a major wall in my life... a wall called doubt. I doubt my ability, my calling, the gifts the Lord has given me. I doubt whether or not Jesus wants to work in and through me and whether he even can. I doubt in so many things and if it's not one thing, it's the other. I'm always doubting and second guessing. I need to stop it! More particularly when it comes to worship. Worship is something that has always captivated me, pulled on my heart, but it is something that I have to fight hard for. I know that God wants to use it in a powerful way in my life, so consequently the enemy is bent on stealing it from me... and if he can't do that, he'll try to get me to misuse it. I feel like God has begun to recenter me in the area. Praise God! Jay's friend Mark Thorton came to speak to CLC this week. He said a few things that I believe was really the Lord speaking to me for the time that I'm in right now:

My job as a worshiper (or worship leader) is not to usher others into the presence of God, but to open the eyes of others so that they can encounter his presence.
The presence of the Lord is the subject of reality. The glory of the Lord is the object of reality.
Don't be guilty of not entering in because of other people.
Opportunities of a lifetime must be seized in the lifetime of the opportunity.
I have as much of God as I want.
The source is always more important than the resource.
It's more important that Jesus receives my praise than it is for me to give praise.

He asked us these questions:

Should God's presence be my whole pursuit?
What is preventing me from encountering God?
When I say I want more of God, does my life reflect that desire?
Am at a point where if God never does anything else for me, I will still serve him and give him everything I am?
What am I excepting from the enemy?

These questions and many others from the Holy Spirit have been mulling around in my brain this whole week as I really look inwardly and ask for change. The first half of CLC I think was kind of a desert season for most of us, but as the first week of our second semester has rolled on through, I really believe that God wants to take us all to a new place, individually and as a group.

"But whatever former things I had that might have been gains to me, I have come to consider as [one combined] loss for Christ's sake. Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish, in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One), And that I may [actually] be found and known as in Him, not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own, based on my obedience to the Law's demands (ritualistic uprightness and supposed right standing with God thus acquired), but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith. [For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope] That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body]. Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own. I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward."

Philippians 4:7-14 (AMP)

Climbing Walls,

Elyxis

Project: Wilderness

2010-01-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

"Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness."
Exodus14:12

Am I so scared of the wilderness that I stay willing to serve the enemy's purpose for my life?

When you leave a place of familiarity, even when that's a place of captivity, you feel alone. When you're stuck in a wrong mindset and break free from it, you feel like you've got nothing left. You feel free in Christ, but at the same time you're not exactly sure what to with yourself or how to react to some of the same situations you faced before. You know you have to walk in freedom or you won't truly be free.

"Take away the dross from the silver and the smith has material for a vessel."
proverbs25:4

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness, and I will speak tenderly and to her heart. There I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor [troubling] to be for her a door of hope and expectation. And she shall sing there and respond as in the days of her youth and as at the time when she came up out of the land of Egypt. And I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy.I will even betroth you to Me in stability and in faithfulness, and you shall know (recognize, be acquainted with, appreciate, give heed to, and cherish) the Lord."
hosea2:14,15,19,20

It seems to me that with the wilderness always comes refining and seemingly less desired circumstances. The Israelites were always complaining about being in the wilderness. Honestly they sounded like little kids, "We're hungry, we're tired, are we there yet?"! Seriously people! I laugh about it and easily think that I am way better than that. But I'm the same! So sad! Because of their complaining, the people who experienced freedom never experienced the promise. Only Caleb and Joshua, who trusted God, entered the Promised Land.

The wilderness all throughout the bible is the place in between prophetic vision and the fulfillment of God's promise. King David, Joseph, the people of Israel, Jesus, John the Baptist, Abraham... all of these people spent some time in the wilderness (and by some time, I mean SOME GOOD AMOUNT OF TIME) whether that was the actual physical wilderness or spiritual wilderness. And they encountered these seasons more than once in their lives.

The Wilderness is not a bad place.

"The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad; the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the rose and the autumn crocus. It shall blossom abundantly and rejoice even with joy and singing. The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it, the excellency of [Mount] Carmel and [the plain] of Sharon. They shall see the glory of the Lord, the majesty and splendor and excellency of our God. Strengthen the weak hands and make firm the feeble and tottering knees. Say to those who are of a fearful and hasty heart, Be strong, fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance; with the recompense of God He will come and save you. Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped. Then shall the lame man leap like a hart, and the tongue of the dumb shall sing for joy. For waters shall break forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. And the burning sand and the mirage shall become a pool, and the thirsty ground springs of water; in the haunt of jackals, where they lay resting, shall be grass with reeds and rushes. And a highway shall be there, and a way; and it shall be called the Holy Way. The unclean shall not pass over it, but it shall be for the redeemed; the wayfaring men, yes, the simple ones and fools, shall not err in it and lose their way. No lion shall be there, nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it; they shall not be found there. But the redeemed shall walk on it. And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing, and everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away."
isaiah35

The wilderness looks scary and unpredictable. That statement is so true!

In my own life, the wilderness has been a place that I have dreaded and I think for that very reason, God has had me there for a very long time. When I read that verse from Exodus, it hit home I think for the very first time. Would I rather serve the enemy in Egypt or be with Jesus in the wilderness?

Contemplating the Wilderness,
and Joy,
and Peace,
and Mystery,
and a "butt load" of other things,
Elyxis

Ah Memories!

2010-01-24T22:31:00.000-08:00

Look what I found! Don't worry, I cried too...

It's amazing to see where we were and where we are now!

Tears of Joy!
Elyxis

New Beginnings

2010-01-22T20:00:00.000-08:00

What is it about coming to a point in your life where disappointments and struggles bring you to a moment of complete surrender to God? It seems that life calls for situations to tear you down and rip you apart in order for the one who knows, how you're supposed to be put together, to fix you up right. I find myself in that situation right now. Looking around, I see one set of foot prints in the sand... my own. They are foot prints that have carried (more like drug) my heart around into territory it should never have entered into. Territory that I've seen others walk through that leave them alone and broken and completely hopeless. Why did I think it would be any different for me? One thing I've come to realize this day is that the enemy will trip me up in any way he can find... any sneaky, low, completely crappy way he can. The battle for my joy and peace have never been so real to me before. It's my heart that is on the line here. A war is raging for my affection and attention and devotion. I want to declare that today is day 1 in New Beginnings. My goal is to discover something new about God and myself every single day. That's one thing I love about God, he is the creator of New Beginnings. We have started going to the woman's bible study called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. I know that God has brought me into this season for such a time as this. I'm committing to breaking free and starting over. No longer will the thoughts, words or actions of other people stand between God and I. That's no way to live. It's taken a lot of tough situations for me to realize this. For too long I've let certain things stand between me and the promises and calling of God for my life. NO MORE, I SAY!!!! I spent some time today reflecting on my journal entries from this past summer and fall. I would love to say that I've seen some growth from that time and that I'm not dealing with the same issues anymore, but the truth is that I feel the same. Why? When it comes down to it, it's because I have kept the only one who deserves my heart at an arms distance away. Today I'm putting my arms down. I read this in my journal from July 26, it comes from Isaiah 49:2-7:

"He made my life like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver. He said to me, 'You are my servant, Elyxis, in whom I will display my splendor.' But I said, 'I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due me is in the Lord's hand, and my reward is with God.' And now the LORD says - he who formed me in the womb to be his servant to bring Jacob back to him and gather Israel for himself, for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD, and my God has become my strength - he says, 'It is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back those of Israel I have kept. I will also make you a light to the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.' This is what the LORD says - the redeemer and holy one of Israel - to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation, to the servants of the rulers: 'Kings will see you and rise up, princes will see and bow down, because of the LORD, who is faithful, the holy one of Israel, who has chosen you.' "

I love Jesus.
I trust Him.
My heart is His.

-and I am confident of this:
that he who began a good work in me will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus -

Relying on Grace,
Elyxis

Winter Part5 ! episode: Ice Skating (again!)

2010-01-15T11:44:00.000-08:00

This becoming quite the tradition! And I love it! Hope and I headed up to the inn and enjoyed yet another day of fabulous ice skating!

So Adorable!

Probably one of my favorite pictures, ever. :)

Hope has quite the talent when it comes to ice skating! She's teaching me how to NOT fall down :)

A few videos from the day!

~Elyxis~

Winter Part4 !

2010-01-04T20:13:00.001-08:00

So, you can pretty much bake cookies at any time during the year... but we did in winter, so I'm just gonna call it a "winter activity"!

The thing that really made the night was the 3D glasses and this funky apron... lets just say we had a little too much fun.

Stacia singing to David Crowder (you obviously cant hear her, but believe me, she was!)

We will call this one "Stacia looking special." :) ha ha! I love you Stacia!!!

And here I am in the glasses and apron...yeah.

A few thoughts from today:

Today was our first day back to CLC after 2 weeks off for break. Can I just say, G.L.O.R.I.O.U.S. I definitely needed the break! I've been a season of questioning and evaluating myself and where I am. It's almost halfway through my second year of CLC! I would say some evaluating is in order :) God has shown me a lot about my character in the past two weeks that I know I need to change, and I'm thankful that He's revealed it to me. Today during prayer, Jay was talking about God's promises, as we've just read about in Genesis. He was talking about how rainbows can't appear unless there are clouds. It's often in those times when there are storms blowing through our lives that God reminds us of his faithfulness and of his promises. It's in those times that we grow the most and become more like Christ. I have to learn the art of surrender, in some way or another. If that's by the storms, then so be it. Though there are many things about myself I know I need to change, Jay reminded me today of the importance of allowing God to love me and show me myself through His eyes. I am very thankful for Jay :) I'm super tired right now, so I don't know if this really made sense but, oh well :) That's really all for now friends!

Loving Christ and his Freedom,
Elyxis!

Winter Part3 ! (and a little somethin' about this past year)

2009-12-30T14:54:00.000-08:00

So here it is, Winter Part3... These were taken Christmas day! I had so much fun this Christmas! God has blessed me with such wonderful Family and Friends! Many things have happened in the past year that could be considered spectacular and I have done many things in the past year that could be considered crazy, "special", or just plain silly. But hey, it's life, and I love it!

Here are some of my favorite memories from 2009, not in any special order! (Click on the link to see pictures/videos!)

1)Last years New Years Eve Party! Probably one of the funnest party's I've ever been to! Lots of laughs! Guitar hero, random stuff :)

2)I Heart Prinville/I Heart Sisters
God has used the heart campaign to touch so many people and it's blessed me to be a part of the I Heart events! At I heart Prineville, we got to pray with tons of individuals, not only at the concert but out on the streets, to receive Jesus... Through these outreaches, God has opened my heart more and more and has taught me how to better love the lost. I love Jesus so much!

3)Spring Break Coast Trip!
Probably one of my favorite trips, in a long time.... CLC packed their bags and headed to the coast for a week of blissful fun. We had no rotations, no responsibilities, no homework, and we got to get away from Bend, hallelujah! We played guitar hero, watched movies, hung out at the beach, climbed a massive (and by massive, I mean MASSIVE!) sand dune, some people were drug into the ocean, and best of all, it was the beach... I love the beach!

4)40 Days. For 40 days during April and May, I set aside time to seek the Lord in a way I've never done before. He spoke to me so much and gave me direction and instruction and wisdom. It's something I want to do every year now!

5)MTI Nights! All I have to say about that is this: Andrea, you saved us all with your drawings! Ha ha, no, actually I loved MTI. The lessons taught me so much and our practicum group was amazing! Shout out to Drew and Tami!

6)Adopt A Block and Dream Kids. I loved connecting to other people in our community who needed to feel the love of Christ. I know that what we did not only impacted the here and now, but eternity as well.

7)Cascade Life Commission Graduation! Even thinking back to it now, I get all teary! I remember just how much God did last year and all that he's continued to do and I love it! I've watched my very best friends grow closer to Christ and there is almost nothing that gives me greater joy! Love, love, love!!!!

8)Mexico! All I can say is WOW :) God showed me a lot about my character that I need to change! I was able to help lead worship at the Griggs' church the three weeks I was there. It was very refreshing to get away for a while, even though I will admit that I missed my friends very much! We had a healing conference and countless people were healed emotionally and physically and spiritually. It was amazing!

9)Summer Camp. Relationships rebuilt. Students changed. Families changed. Eternity impacted.

10)New Friends! Getting to know Hope and her family has been so much fun! Hopefully many more good times in 2010!

11)Encounter
God is amazing!

12)I Heart Bend 2

13)The many Ice Skating Adventures!

14)Going to pick up the Africa team from the airport

15)Getting my hair cut short!

16)Knowing the Love of Christ in new ways, every day.

17)Our end of the year party out at the Parsons, water fights and all! (ps. thanks to the Parsons for opening their home to us all the time, you guys are amazing!)

18)Getting a Dog! I love Lola!

19)Moving, again. (and hopefully the last time for a while, sheesh)

20)Starting 2nd year CLC!

21)Getting a job at a daycare.

22)I started going to the Deckers small group in July and have ever since. I love it so much there!

23)Having contact with my real father for the first time and getting to know him more.

There is so much more that happened in this past year, but to list them all would probably bore you if you haven't already been bored, ha ha :)

Thanks to everyone who made this year as wonderful as it was.

You all mean so much to me!

I pray that this new year brings new joys, loves, passions, challenges, ideas, seasons, and most of all, a new start.

I love you!

All Smiles,
Elyxis

Winter Part2 !

2009-12-23T09:01:00.001-08:00

Ice Skating... seriously one of my favorite things to do in winter time!

Some of my favorite people :)

So much fun!

Hope and I

Winter Part3 coming soon,
Merry Christmas,
Elyxis!

Prophetic Hindsight

2009-12-17T17:14:00.000-08:00

I could not have known yesterday morning what would transpire from then until this point. Jay has started a second year class about leadership. What is the cost? That's what I've found myself asking... what does it cost? We looked at four places and times in Jesus' life that shaped him. The wilderness, the mountain top, the garden, and the cross. With knowledge comes responsibility. The Word says that its sin to know what you ought to do and not do it. Now I know, not in full, but in part... I am responsible. Hearing him teach, I wasn't aware of how personal and real it would become to me in such a short amount of time. I can't explain what God is doing in my life right now... not that I don't know how, but it runs a little too deep and close to my heart. It's costing me, more than I thought it would. God's asking me if I'm serious about this thing, this pursuit of his presence, will, and call in my life. AM I SERIOUS. This is so hard. I just wanted to share a song that's been consuming me for the past few weeks, it's by JJ Heller and called Your Hands. It's kind of my hearts cry right now. Hope you enjoy it.

Winter!

2009-12-11T19:17:00.001-08:00

At the Christmas tea! We had lots of laughs!

Christmas tree lighting downtown! (one of those corny traditions that you kinda hate going to but you go because it's what you do every year :) )

Hopes Birthday Party

I Love Winter Time!

Love,
Elyxis

Knowing His Will

2009-12-07T20:45:00.000-08:00

"And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints of light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Knowing God's will is tricky business. I have struggled to know what his will is for me. I find myself getting so caught up in other things and forgetting to walk in a way that is worthy of the Lord. Walking in any mistrust, doubt, sin, unfaithfulness, any of that rotten stuff that taints our hearts, is what defines unworthy walking. I don't want to walk in a way that's unworthy of God. Leaving the joy and love and peace of God simply in my bible, without letting the Holy Spirit transfer it into my heart, is like buying a pair of shoe strings and just laying them on top of my shoes... not lacing them through and tying them. They are useless. Those shoe strings keep the shoes together and on my feet. Walking without the Holy Spirit is like laying his love flippantly over my life, but not actually letting it weave it's way through my heart and soul. I would like to think that I let the Holy Spirit into every part of me, and I have done a fine job of fooling myself... Every stinkin' day, I just see more and more of the wickedness of my own heart and the impurity of my motives and just the stinky-ness of my sin. It's hard to let God shape me! I'm bad at patience, awful at endurance, short in giving thanks, little in understanding, small in strength, and too often slow in joyfulness. In light of all of this, can I just say that God's Grace in incomprehensible. I feel like every other blog that I write conveys another part of the same message, another small piece of a big picture in which I'm constantly messing up God's perfection and He's faithfully mending my brokenness and my mishaps and my feeble attempts. I guess that's just what a life with Christ looks like! Man oh man, I just don't understand! God amazes me continually! The scripture above was from the bible reading today and it just reminded me of God's grace in my life, and I wanted to share it with who ever reads this thing (which if it's just me, that's ok too :) ) I love that God calls me his beloved. I love that he can see past everything that I try so desperately to put up to deflect what's really inside, the good and the bad, and that he still loves me... I love that...

Figuring it out,
Elyxis

Hope

2009-11-22T10:46:00.000-08:00

I love the little joys of life! Recently I have become friends (more like sisters) with a very special girl named Hope. I love her very much! She blesses me and brings joy in my life where it has seemed to be lacking a little lately. I thank God for bringing her into my life. I love getting to know her and can't wait to see our friendship grow more. Hope has taught me a few things since we've started hanging out:

1)It's ok to be silly! I can get really serious sometimes, but she has shown me that being silly is really fun! She brings out the kid in me :)

2)You can eat ice cream, even if it's freazing cold outside.

3)You shouldn't lock people in your car! :)

We have so much fun hanging out! She has also reminded me what child-like faith looks like. I watch her and see how she views situations and her world and am just amazed and constantly reminded of the soveriegnty of God. I easily think that my life is spinning out of control, but she reminds me that God takes care of us. She reminds me to hope, hope in the future and in my dreams and especially hope in Jesus. She reminds me to be honest :) Not that I lie or anything, but honest in the context that if I don't agree with something that's being said or done, I should speak up. She reminds me to laugh at myself... :) Hope is someone who I can really just be myself around, I don't have to pretend to be someone else. We can just have fun together, and I love that!

So for all this and for being lovely, I thank you Hope. You have really blessed my life! I hope you know that I really love you and can't wait to see what God does in your life!

Excited for our next adventures!

Elyxis

Blog #61

2009-11-12T22:31:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to post some pictures from the last month or so! Nothing profound to say,

this time :)

First off, I just wanted to show you a picture that I just found on our computer that I have NO idea where it came from or why it was on our computer, but there it is... a llama.

Halloween Party at the Parsons!

The obamas flew in for the party....

Small children should overt their eyes, Tim's kinda scary....

Kaitlyn for homecoming :)

My pumpkin that I carved!

Me and Hope at a baseball game (notice the boy in the back, I think he was having a blast)

Brit and I had a little photo shoot on 2nd street a few weeks ago... it was gorgeous!!!

Kaitlyn getting her senior pictures done.... also gorgeous!

And That's really all I have.

Elyxis.

Lonliness, together.

2009-10-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot over the past couple weeks about this statement. I read last week about Jesus being betrayed and crucified. God reminded me of Jesus' humanity in that moment, and his loneliness. I think its easy to start to feel lonely in this world when you don't have someone, the someone. I promise not to get all corny or cheesy cheese on you, just wanted to post something that's been on my heart. I have watched one of my best friends get engaged and my other best friend start a relationship. They are both amazing people and I love them so so much. Their relationships are holy and pure... I admire them and am really happy for them both. But as I watch these two enter into a new season of their lives, I have felt a little like I've been hung out to dry... that I'm sometimes forgotten. Not by my friends, no! But by God. Its a risky statement, I would say... to say that God has forgotten me. But as I read in Luke, and walked through Jesus' Crucifixion, I understood a different part of the heart of God. I cannot even imagine how alone and forgotten Jesus felt as he was beaten and hung on the cross. It can sound so cliche, you hear it enough... "Jesus died for me on a cross", and once you hear it enough, you think its common, and once you think that, it has lost purpose, which leaves you feeling alone. You feel like your the only one going through hard things. You feel like everyone else has someone and you still have no one. The moment that the sin of the world came upon Jesus and the Father had to turn away..... that's loneliness. I forget so easily that Jesus went through it for me so that I didn't have to. He was lonely so that I could be loved, He was forgotten about so that I could be forgiven, He was thrown out by the world and by heaven so that I could know God... how long is it going to take for me to get this in my thick skull! It's true, I do want my someone, but God is teaching me to want Him more than I want them. It's hard, and I feel alone in it. But Jesus is here. He's has been through this valley as well, and He knows what I need, and what I want. I can say that I feel forgotten by God, and I'm sure it hurts his heart when I say that, but the Truth is this: He has engraved me on the palms of his hands, He is constantly making intercession for me at the right hand of the Father, He died for me, His thoughts toward me are good and lovely, He has good plans for my life... He holds my hand... He holds my tiny little heart in his hands... He loves me... I have to learn that that's all I need, I have to know it in the very deepest part of my heart, or else I will strive in this world for nothing, for things that don't satisfy. I never want to have to look back at my life in regret. God has shown me so much in these last couple of weeks how relationships don't fill any spot in your heart if you haven't let him have the whole thing first. A man was not meant to carry the weight of my heart... God made me with the intent of carrying my heart himself... that's something I love about him. This journey takes a lot of faith, not in happenstance, but in Jesus. I know He's with me...

Joy is love exulting, Peace is love reposing, Long suffering is love untiring, Gentleness is love enduring, Goodness is love in action, Faith is love on the battlefield, Meekness is love under discipline, Temperance is love in training...

Learning to Love,
Elyxis

My God is so Good.

2009-09-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

God is good. I've heard that about a katrillion times! I've thought about it and thought I understood what it meant... God is for me, he's on my side, he has good plans for me... I've heard it all many times over. I can honestly say now that I know and believe it in my heart! These past two weeks have been more incredibly faith challenging than anything I have ever been through. Spiritually and naturally. Like I said in my last blog, this summer has felt long and distant and dry. God seemed so far away. In the natural, I was running out of time to come up with the rest of my CLC money. It seemed that from every angle, everything was going wrong... oy. But God is good, and he DOES have a plan, even when I cant see it!
At encounter this year, God showed me so much about himself and about me. I went in not really knowing what to expect, except that it was going to be way different then 1st year... thats about it. I was really excited though! I soon gave into the frustration that I had been feeling all summer as we started our first session at wildhorse. During worship, I felt nothing. During the lesson, nothing. I found myself trying to force myself to something, anything. I was angry at myself and disappointed that I couldnt find God. I prayed and searched and felt like I was going no where, fast. I cant really explain what was going on or what I was feeling, it was just this desperation that if I didnt find God, I would literally die, my spirit would die. On the last night, as I went in for prayer, I still felt like I hadnt really connected with God at all. I hated it, thats for sure. As Bo, Lindsay, and Katie prayed for me though, this hope welled up inside my heart and as they delivered their words for me, something just clicked inside... the light had been switched on. It was like going from light to dark, all over again. Like I've mentioned before, this summer has for sure been a wilderness one... dry, gross, tiring. As they spoke with me, I came to the realization that it really was God who had drawn me there, with him. I had said it so many times, "God has brought me here for a reason", but I think deep down I didnt really believe that God was with me in the desert... I felt so alone. I had forgotten dreams, and hopes, and vision, and goals, and callings... I had forgotten them all. God started something that night as I sat there. Since that night, God has been restoring the things he had spoken to me and the things he had promised me. I hate it that I forget so easily what He's done for me when times get tough! I have this incredible hope and faith now. Hope that there's more to find and faith to go look for it. God's grace astounds me!
So I came out of encounter with this renewed vision and passion and then found myself back in the problems that I had left at home... mainly the issue that I had barely half of the first payment for CLC. But I had such faith that God would provide... and He did, but there was a big area of uncertainty for me. He gave me supernatural faith to believe for the rest, but in the natural I saw no possible way it was going to come through. To make the story short, God provided $700 dollars for me the day before the last day I could turn in money or not do CLC. Lots of prayer and tears, I tell ya... It scared the crap out of me to think that I might not be able to do CLC! It grew my faith so much to see God come through. I knew he would!
Then coming right out of this miracle, I ran hard right into I Heart Bend. It was awesome. All the past I heart events, I've felt that God moved, but I dont think I've ever experienced the love of God for a city before this event. My day started at 5:30 and ended at about 10:30. I got to the church, blew up baloons, ran stuff over to the Nazarene church, prayed with a homeless couple, ran over to Healey Hights, gave away stuff, prayed with a lady there, went door to door with two very cool people (Lily Smith and Alexa McBride!), went to lunch with Lily, went home, left 10 minutes later to go get on the dream kids bus, got to Drake, face painted for 3 hours, sat down for 30 minutes during highstreet, then loaded red chairs and cleaned up the park, then walked to my car which was literally 8 blocks away, drove home, and then passed out for many hours, glorious glorious hours! Whew! I say all this not for any other reason than this: I was tired. I served and loved Bend for one day... and I was tired. As I drove home I just started crying because I was tired. God spoke to me and just downloaded his heart for me and for my city in that very moment. I was tired after one day. God is relentless. He does this day and night, never stopping to take a break. Jesus is constantly at the right hand of the Father interceding for me and for everyone. He never stops. I realized just how weak and feeble and human I am. I was tired after one day! Oh the depths of the love of Christ... I cannot fathom or understand it. I saw how we loved our city and heard the stories of so many people being touched by the love of Christ, and it was only one day. God showed me that if the church would just be the church, and love like this everyday, our city would be so so much different. I thought about all the people I crossed paths with that day. God goes after them every single day, wanting them to know him and his love. He tries to get their attention. He tries to use you and me... how many times do we ignore the voice of the Lord and choose not to talk with someone we see. I know I do it all the time. God birthed in me a heart for the lost that I've never had before. He left me with this question: Are you going to let I Heart Bend be the only day that you pray for your city, the only day you serve strangers, the only day that you actually care? Its for sure something I've thought about, and something that has consumed me, heart and mind. My prayer to God right now is to not let me forget about those he cares about.
Switching gears a little bit, here are some pictures from Encounter till I Heart Bend and everything in between!

No better way to start something than with Spongebob... thats my motto!

Encounter!!!!

Tim :D

My Best Friend !

The whole fam.

Brittany and me at the fire pit!

Tim and Brittany <3

Lola... our new dog!

The foot says it all :)

oh, you know, just some water bottles.

Randomly, Bend Burger was welcoming us :)

Me and Lily had a fun morning/afternoon :)

Thats really all I got for now! So excited for fall in bend! Whoo Hooo!!!!!!!!!

Joy, joy, joy!

Elyxis

Scarlet

2009-09-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

Middle of nowhere
Finally you can breathe
Nobody knows your name
It's easier
Shut your eyes tightly
Clench your fists 'til they almost bleed
Cautiously, lightly
Gently expose what's underneath
And all you feel now
Is the scarlet in the day
Even it's real
You can't stay...
-
So there you go
You're gone for good
There you go
You're gone for good
-
Your mind is swollen
From months of thought without release
They've taken their toll on you
This very moment
Of timid and fragile honesty
Is precious and rare and fleeting
And all you feel now
Is the scarlet in the day
Even it's real
You can't stay...
-

This summer has been really interesting, least to say. I have been in a constant battle with my flesh as it has tried to crawl off of the altar. It can only be described as one would describe a tiring, never ending battle, where you're exhausted but there is just no way you can quit, even if you wanted to. I have walked in a season where I've done my best to hold it all in and all together. I've done my best to convince God, with all my clever prayers and lofty thoughts, that I'm doing fine. With this impossible struggle, I have found that I've been driven into the wilderness, feeling alone, all alone. When I fake it, it turns out that the joke is on me. I haven't escaped the attention of Jesus, He still knows me. I first listened to this song Scarlet the other day, and it seemed to strike a chord in my heart that I didn't even know was there. Months of thought without release... This is my life. I think that God has tried desperately for way to long to teach me something, and I've been reluctant to learn it. Every time I'm lead into the wilderness, I think something's wrong, that I've sinned or am somehow unforgiven by God and I need to earn him back. I try to get back to him on my own, not even realizing that He never even left...I'm the one walking out on him. He has tried to show me that in those desert seasons, He's wanting me to draw closer to him not go look for him somewhere else. God is the God of every season. Instead of abandoning God when I can't feel him, I should be abandoning myself... gone for good. He waits for me to expose what's underneath. He wants my timid and fragile honesty. I've let the feeling of God's presence define whether or not he was there. God's presence is so much more vast than my simple perceptions of him. He goes way beyond all of it. This summer has been dry, and hard, and I don't think I have ever felt farther from God, ever. But this one thing I have come to realize... It's not about whether I can feel him or not. I know in the very depths of my heart that He hasn't moved, he's still right next to me, holding my hand the whole way. It's been a summer that has greatly challenged my faith... I know there have been moments where I failed that test, but God is teaching me to trust. I have got to learn to trust him deeply, and I don't think there is any other way. He wants my flesh gone for good. And so do I. I don't really know what I could say right now to convey just how much I love Jesus, and his grace over my life. Sometimes I guess it just takes a personal meeting, in the middle of nowhere, with God.
Still waiting,
Elyxis

The last couple of weeks :)

2009-08-16T11:45:00.001-07:00

These last couple of weeks have been a blast! I havent been taking as many pictures as normal but here are just a few...

Drake park with Andrea!

Me taking a picture of Andrea, taking a picture of me... yes.

Too cool for school.

Taryn and all her might. !

Thomas' birthday day... the only pictures I took were the ones in the car. Somehow I forgot to take pictures of the rest of the day :) ha ha :)

That's really all i got... but Im leaving for camp today, so once I get back I will have some rad pictures for ya'll!

Peace.

Elyxis.

A Common Theme... Peace, Trust, Waiting, Protection, Strength

2009-07-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock Eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4
"I, the Lord, watch over her; I water her continually. I guard her day and night so that no one may harm her." Isaiah 27:3
"May the God of peace... equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 20a-21
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him."
Isaiah 30:15,18
"The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." Isaiah 32:17
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress... He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is key to this treasure." Isaiah 33:2,6

God has been teaching me so much this past week! He has shown me a lot about myself and has started reteaching me a few things that I have forgotten. I realized today just how easy it is to get caught up in the affairs of this world, as I looked back on the past few months of my life. Most of my friends are gone in Africa right now... which means it's just been me and God. I went through all of high school as "just me and God", but since CLC, a whole family has been added to my life. Slowly, without even realizing it, I somehow became uncomfortable with just me and God. It's not that I didnt have a personal relationship with him or that I didnt pray or worship or anything like that... it's that I got so used to doing it with others, that I forgot how to do it alone. God has taken me through a journey this past week and has shown me how to trust in and wait on and persue him, on my own. I've gone through some mixed feelings about Africa, mainly that I really want to be there. But God has shown me that one of the reasons I'm not there, was so that I can relearn how to put ALL my hope and ALL my joy and ALL of my everything back in Him. He's taken me on long walks and bike rides and has helped me to find my identity in Him again. To be completely honest, before now, I found a lot of my happiness and peace in my friends, not God. I'm slightly embarrassed about this, but it's just the truth. I'm thankful God is showing me this now in my life and not later. This lesson will carry on through my whole life: with other friendships, with my marriage, and with my family. I CANNOT rely on these things or others to satisfy me, it all has to be in God's hands... not that these things are bad, but God created me to trust him. I dont even know if this post made any sense, but there it is. That's what's been going on. I hope all you all out there are having a good summer! Will post again soon!

Starting over (again),
Elyxis :)

Wow, It's Been A While :)

2009-07-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

I havent been keeping up on this thing! Usually Im pretty good about it! These have been very crazy months. May 30th, I graduated form CLC, June 12th I left for Playa Del Carmen, Mexico, and just got back almost 2 weeks ago. Its been a great summer so far! I've posted most of these pictures to facebook, but to keep with tradition, I'll post them here too :)
Let's start with CLC Graduation!

Mexico!!!!!

Our first outreach! We saw tons of healings and God set a lot of people free...

Spongebob

Joscelyn!

Damon

Paula got baptized!

Me and Christina led worship!

4th Of July Weekend!

Stacia's surprise party!
Stacia's Birthday day :)

We saw a crazy guy swimming in the river when it was like freakin 12 degrees.

Sunriver

Summer Fest

My cousin... random, but whatev...

I Heart Sisters

Last day of CLC- CLC guys v. Westside Staff (WE SO WON)

MTI Graduation!

The sesspool of relational bliss

And, that's really all for now!

More thoughts coming soon!

Lovin' Jesus,

Elyxis

Day 40 and Day 1...

2009-05-22T19:57:00.000-07:00

Wow... I cannot describe to you what God has done these last 40 days. He has revealed to me so many truths and promises for my life and has broadened my picture of what the future looks like. I count this as day 40, but also day 1 of something new. I'm excited to see what Jesus does. Yay Jesus! Yesterday was the last day of Cascade Life Commission, and even now as I write this, I'm tearing up just thinking of all that God has done in all 15 of us in CLC. I have watched old, dead lives fall away and callings, anointings, and authority come upon all of us in a way we could have never expected. Jesus is so faithful! Mindsets have been replaced and spirits have been awakened... I cannot imagine what my life would be like right now if I hadnt done CLC. I have learned to trust Jesus with my whole heart and learned to find my identity IN HIM. I have watched as everyone else has found themselves in the middle of God's purposes for their lives as they have surrendered their will to Jesus. I'm blown away at the complete perfectness of God's plan. All of us have grown into a strong, immovable, united force to be reckoned with... I know the enemy is quaking in his boots right now because he knows what God has done and what God has called us to.
I wanna take a moment and just give encouragement to my fellow students:

Andrea: Thank you for your friendship this year! God has so many amazing things for you and I cannot wait to see how He uses you! Never stop fighting for what God has done in you...

Sabrina: Thank you for always bringing joy to the classroom. This year would not have been the same without you. Never doubt the authority you have in Christ. Go get 'em!

Taryn: Thank you for letting God change and rebuild in you. It takes a lot of courage to do that. I have watched God starting to unfold in you something beautiful and unique. Dont shy away from it! I love you so much :)

Candace: Thank you for your heart. God has seen your heart and He loves it! You have been an encouragement to me this year... I will always remember this year. Continue to fight for the words He has given you and never tire of doing so. You will change the world.

Lisa: You are anointed with the oil of joy and gladness. Thank you for your gentleness and kindness. Never fortget what God has done in and through you. He has made you a fighter. The world needs you.

Stacia: Thank you for your faithfulness. In small things and large things alike you have been diligent and faithful and God sees that! You have been such an example to me in your faith. Continue to walk in the calling that God has placed on your life. Love ya girl!

Amber: Jesus has anointed you to lead. Thank you for sacrificing this year in order to be obedient to Christ. I pray that God blesses you as you walk out this next season. He will never leave you hanging, trust in that.

Brittany: Jesus loves your childlike faith. Never doubt the power you have in Christ. I have watched you grow into an incredible women of God. Love covers all things... never stop loving. Trust God, He loves you :)

Seth: Thank you for making things fun! Jesus wants to pair your personality with His calling and make an explosion. I see you changing the world and it makes me so excited for you! Never forget where you came from... God will use that to impact those around you. Love ya brother.

Damon: You have a gift and God is going to use you beyond what you think you can even do. God will light your path, never worry about the next step. Thank you for all the laughs this year! (and dont worry, I've forgiven you about the whole messing up my car thing) :)

Dustin: Jesus see's your whole life and He is excited about it! Know that God has called you and chosen you to lead people. Thank you for loving Jesus with your whole heart. Never grow tired of running... Love ya brother :)

Tim: This year would not have been the same without you! You are awesome! Jesus is already using you beyond what you see. Never think that because you cant see it now, He isnt moving... because He is. God has anointed you to proclaim the good news of the cross, walk in it!

Brad: Jesus has placed in you such an anointing to lead young people. The drums are the heartbeat of music and you likewise will be the heartbeat of Christ to those around you. Never grow weary of doing good...

Thomas: I have watched God transform you as you have layed your own life on the altar and sacrificed it all. You have been such an example to me of how I should live with Christ. Thank you for not loving your life, even to the point of death. Continue to be obedient! Im excited to see how God uses you in this next season.

I love you all so much... thank you for being my family. I pray that God continues to change you on the inside and in turn, use you to change the world. I believe that there is so much more we havent even tapped into yet. Dont stop looking, searching, praying, seeking, worshiping, loving, giving, serving, growing, changing, dying, listening, speaking, leading, rising, or trusting. Jesus loves you. He is not finished. He is faithful. He will never give up. He is worthy. He is our Truth. He is our life. He is the only way. Dont loose sight of Him. Be obedient. Dont give up! This is only the beginning...

Walking out of this year empowered, anointed, and ready to change the world,

Elyxis

(Pictures and videos coming soon!)

Days 3-6

2009-04-18T15:27:00.000-07:00

Who knew what a bunch of healthy food could do to one person! I have actually been so sick this whole week as my body detox's and tries to get all of those bad things out of me... and boy has that been fun! Not only physically have I been attacked but emotionally and spiritually and in just about everything else I can think of. On day 4, God spoke to me clearly out of 1 Samuel 17. As many of you know, this chapter recounts the story of David and Goliath. I started reading the story like I have many times, expecting to journal about overcoming my fears or getting rid of some giant in my life... but God had something else in mine, thank goodness. As I started reading it, I immediately noticed the role that Armor had in the chapter.

17:4-7

"And a champion went out of the camp of the Philistines named Goliath of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span (about 10 feet). And he had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of mail, and the coat weighed 5,000 shekels of bronze. He had bronze shin armor on his legs and a bronze javelin across his shoulders. And the shaft of his spear was like a weavers beam; his spear's head weighed 600 shekels of iron. And a sheild bearer went before him."

17:38-40

"Then Saul clothed David with his armor; he put a bronze helmet on his head and clothed him with a coat of mail. And David girded his sword over his armor. Then he tried to go, but could not, for he was not used to it. And David said to Saul, I cannot go with these for I am not used to them."

Jesus simply asked me whose armor I was trying to wear. The enemies armor looks big and secure. Have I been hiding behind and protecting myself with the ways of the world? Things like valuing money, friends, "me time", and my own pride more than I value God. I have found it so easy to go and hide behind these things or even use them as an excuse to avoid what I know God is wanting me to do. These things aren't bad! It only becomes dangerous when I place more worth into them than I do my relationship with God. The armor Saul tried to give David probably wasn't bad at all, either. Imagine, it was from the king! It was probably top-notch stuff! The most expensive, protective and reliable armor ever... but it wasn't David's armor. God revealed to me that even if the armor I'm wearing isn't necessarily bad, if it's not the armor HE's given me to wear, then I will not live the full life He promised for me.

17:40

"And David took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones out of the brook and put them in his shepherds bag (a whole kids skin slung from his shoulder) in his pouch, and his sling was in his hand, and he drew near the philistine."

Ephesians 6:14-17

"Stand therefore (hold your ground), having tightened the belt of truth around your loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and moral rectitude and right standing with God, and having shod your feet in preperation to face the enemy with the firm-footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news of the Gospel of Peace. Lift up over all the covering shield of saving faith, upon which you can quench all the flaming missiles of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit wields, which is the word of God"

6:12

"For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood (contending only with physical opponents), but against the powers, against the master spirits who are the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere."

17:45-47

"Then said David to the philistine, You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the ranks of Israel, Whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will smite you and cut off your head. And I will give the corpses of the army of the philistines this day to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saves not with sword and spear, for the battle is the Lord's, and He will give you into our hands."

So where do all these scriptures leave me? They lead me to and keep me in victory! It is really easy to live in a victim's mentality. "There's nothing I can do to help, I'm hopeless and God can't use me, I'm too young, old, small, big, shy, clumsy, dumb, sinful" and the list goes on and on. But the fact of the matter is, if I will just get off my high horse, kill my pride, skip the funeral, and just do what God tells me to (the right way!), I would LIVE in victory 24/7.

Romans 12:1-3

"I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of all the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world (this age, fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial, customs) but be transformed (changed) by the entire renewal of your mind (by its new ideals and its new attitude), so that you may proove for yourselves what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect in His sight for you. For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought (not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance), but to rate his ability with sober judgement, each according to the degree of faith apportioned of God to him."

Well, I have no idea how to wrap this up, or if this all even ties in together... but God gave it to me so I will take it for what it's worth and just apply it to me life.

Wearing the right armor,
Elyxis

Day 2

2009-04-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

The Lords Call:
"Now go and smite Amalek and utterly destroy all they have; do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and donkey."
Saul's response:
"Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, oxen, fatlings, lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them; but all that was undesirable or worthless they destroyed utterly."
Saul was anointed by God to lead the nation. He had all he could ever need. From the outside, he looked put together, wise, and powerful. Unfortunately for Saul, his heart was not so. Partial obedience robbed Saul of his anointing, authority in the natural kingdom and ultimately robbed him from having influence in THE Kingdom.
"...Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king."
His heart was rotten! Much like a contaminated river, if his heart was full of the poison of selfishness, greed, lust for power, and the need for independance from God, no matter how clear that river appears or how smoothly it flows, it is still full of poison and it is leathal.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, Look not on his appearance or at the height of his stature, for I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."
My Response:
What in my own life has God asked me to kill, that I have refused to kill completely?
Jesus, forgive me for being disobient. God I want all that You have for me. Please reveal what I need to change. I pray against any selfish desires in my own heart and ask that you would replace them with an obedient spirit and attitude. Jesus you were obedient to the point of death on the cross... I am so far from that! I pray that I would be one who obeys, no matter what the cost is. Examine my heart and try me and see if there be any evil way in me. Jesus I am all yours. Thank you for your love and grace. I claim your grace over my life and hide in the shadow of your wings knowing that I am safe there. I love you Father. Amen.

2/40
Elyxis

Day 1

2009-04-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

So I will be embarking on a 40 day journey and today was day 1. God has called me to set aside these next 40 days for very specific reasons and has asked me to seek Him diligently for those things. I will try to record thoughts from my days (or weeks, if I don't get around to doing this each day) and I hope that through it, God will speak to you as well! Here we go...

Day 1:
The thief has come to steal, kill, and destroy.
Can I hear a "Duh."
I have found, after one short day of this journey, that the enemy is already trying to steal what God is trying to do. And you wanna know what I say to that? Bite me! Satan can try all his sly tricks he wants to, but I know that my God is so much bigger. Today has really been a rough day, I'm not gonna lie. Satan has come in the area of relationships and tried to ruin friendships that I hold very dear... and I'm not going to stand for it. Not only is the enemy aware of what I'm doing, but so is my flesh. My own pride and anger and selfishness have been working overtime today! Gosh dang it! I'm getting more angry as I type this because I know that there is so much I could be doing way better. But I know that Christ is made strong in my weaknesses.
Lesson learned today:
If I live in the Spirit I will not satisfy or gratify the desires of my flesh.

1/40
Elyxis

Being Near

2009-04-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

As things in my life get more chaotic, I often find myself wondering, "Where are You God?" I have been trying to understand the fact that just because things start getting hard, it doesn't mean that God is any less near to me. I have also come to realize that it is not me who causes God to come near... it's not my asking or begging or good works or good character that cause God to draw near to me. Sure I have a part in it, He tells me to seek after Him, but in the end, it is Him who comes to me. I cannot earn it and I certainly don't deserve it. God spoke to me out of Psalm 65 this morning. I was reminded that He is near in every season , climate, landscape, and every minute of every day.

To You belongs silence (the submissive wonder of reverence which burst forth into praise) and praise is due and fitting to You, O God, in Zion; and to You shall the vow be performed.

O You, Who hear prayer, to You shall all flesh come.

Iniquities and much varied guilt prevail against me; yet as for our transgressions, You forgive and purge them away (make atonement for them and cover them out of Your sight)!

Blessed is the man whom You choose and cause to come near, that he may dwell in Your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.

By fearful and glorious things do You answer us in righteousness, O God of our salvation, You Who are the confidence and hope of all the ends of the earth and of those far off on the seas;

Who by Your might have founded the mountains, being girded with power,

Who still the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the tumult of the peoples,

So that those who dwell in earth's farthest parts are afraid of signs of Your presence. You make the places where morning and evening have birth to shout for joy.

You visit the earth and saturate it with water; You greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; You provide them with grain when You have so prepared the earth.

You water the field's furrows abundantly, You settle the ridges of it; You make the soil soft with showers, blessing the sprouting of its vegetation.

You crown the year with Your bounty and goodness, and the tracks of Your chariot wheels drip with fatness.

The pastures in the uncultivated country drip with moisture, and the hills gird themselves with joy.

The meadows are clothed with flocks, the valleys also are covered with grain; they shout for joy and sing together.

Psalm 65 (amplified)

God is the one who chose me to come to Him. He wants me to be satisfied with dwelling in His courts and His house. Like the Psalm says, "One thing have I asked for of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and insistently require; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in His presence) all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty (the sweet attractiveness and the delightful lovliness) of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple." It has been a constant struggle against my flesh to kill my earthly desires and live by and in the Spirit daily and be satisfied with Jesus alone. It is so easy for me to "If only..." my life to death! "If only I had this" or "If only this person would...". But Jesus has simply asked me to trust Him. Like this scripture says, God is in every season and place with me, He is near. Every mountain top, raging sea, farthest place, pasture, field, hill, meadow and valley. He is there... Every place that my foot treads is either a place where God has blessed or is a place where God has asked me to again sacrifice my flesh and choose Him. Staring into the face of hardship and trouble and fear and even death often scares me back into the corner I once knew so well where I would forget about God and try to make things work out on my own. In every situation I am called to shout for joy and sing to the Lord. Facing my fears knowing that God is on my side and that He is way bigger than them gives me such hope and courage. I often find myself praying that Jesus would change my heart and you know what, I am shocked to see that He is! I thought I would never get better at relationships and my anger and unforgivness... but after today, going to court with my dad, I can see that God has totally changed my heart, a lot! Instead of anger and hatred, I found myself seeing my dad through the eyes of Jesus. I was overwhelmed with such compassion for him and I couldnt help but feel so broken for him. To feel alone and rejected and unsatisfied with life seems so hard for me. I dont know if I could live that way, and I dont know how he does it. I think God has let me see this for a very specific reason, and that reason is to cause me to fall on my knees in innercession for him. I desperately want my dad back, but first, he needs to return to his Dad, the one true Father. I know that God hears my cry's and prayers, and He is faithful to answer them, of that I have no doubt.

This last year has really shown me what desperation can do, and what God can do in it. Crisis and trouble and weariness have caused me to draw in closer to God than I ever have before. Sure there are times where I dont feel Him and wonder where He is, but I am always reminded by His Word that He is there and He never leaves, contrary to the failing and dying love this world has to offer. Jesus Christ is Love. I have to daily die to what my mind and all of my flesh tell me, and choose to believe that one truth, that Jesus is Love, because He is.

And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who begun a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return), developing that good work and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

Philippians 1:6

Constantly being drawn deeper,

Elyxis

Beaches, Friends, Jesus... What is Better?

2009-03-31T15:38:00.000-07:00

We had a fantastic time at the Beach! CLC packed up and we headed to Pacific City... Thank you David and Julie Parsons for inviting us all! We had a blast! Here are some pictures, they arent in order, in fact they are kinda going in backwards order, but whatever :)

Here's me being freezing!

Someone's shoes... Who's? I dont know. Did the person wearing them ruin them by getting them full of sand? Absolutely. Does she feel really bad? Yes. I'm sorry :(

Damons freakin cool pony...

Just some cool pictures of the beach...

Little Timmy :)

The guys

We went to this little cavern/cave thing and climbed down in there and it was really cool!

Dustin and Taryn way down there :)

Batman!

Andrea and I

Taryn and I

My freezing toes!

The crack... that's its official name.

Down in the cave place you saw earlier...

Me, Amanda, Andrea and Taryn at the top of the biggest sand dune ever!

The view from that sand dune... it was so pretty up there :)

This is the story of their lives.

Like a quarter of the way up the sand dune... Damon's really excited about life in this picture.

Damon blinding me, while I blinded him at the same time with my flash!

Aren't we an attractive bunch!

Thomas....

Dutsin...

Thomas and Dustin

And then there was Taryn...

Lunch stop in Salem... many creepy things going on in this picture :)

Good thing Dustin pays attention when he drives or else I would be scared ... :)

I want to go back so badly!

The other story of their lives :)

Here is a video... it's quite funny :)

Switching gears, here are some thoughts from the last couple of weeks... straight from journaling/devotions and the like:

Judges 6:34 "But the Spirit of the Lord clothed Gideon with Himself and took possession of him..."

How far I am from this! I haven't let the Holy Spirit come and continually clothe me and retain possession of me...
Holy Spirit, forgive me for keeping you ar an arms distance. I dont know how, on my own, I can let you in, so with your grace and gentleness would you teach me to let you in. Help me draw my arms bakc, unclench my fists and let you embrace me. Holy Spirit I want you to come. I love you and need you, more than ever.
God uses anyone who is willing. Gideon had doubt and fear, but look what God did! The Lord himself appeared to Gideon, to commission him, and gave him confirmations and miracles, one after another, and Gideon was still afraid.
John 20:29 - "Jesus said to him, Because you have seen Me, Thomas, do you now believe (trust and have faith)? Blessed and happy and to be envied are those who have never seen Me and yet have believed and adhered to and trusted and relied on Me."
Jesus, help me with my unbelief. I want to be one who believes, adheres, trusts, and relies on You. God change my heart more, I'm not satisfied with the way I'm living. Jesus I need you so badly. Thank you for where I have come, thank you for the transformation that I have seen, but I dont want it to stop here. God this year is only the very foundation of a lifetime I have with you. Help me remember this. I'm not going to be perfect, let alone "fixed" by the time CLC is over. Help me be wise with my time.

Psalm 17:15 - "As for me, I will continue beholding Your face in righteousness (rightness, justice, and right standing with You); I shall be fully satisfied, when I awake to find myself beholding Your form and having sweet communion with You."

This verse is so amazing to me! In this chapter, David is crying out to God. People are accusing him left and right. He was chosen and anointed by God, and still trouble follows him. He says that his vindication is from God alone. He places his trust in God and surrenders the situation and ends it all with this verse! He will do what he knows is right and he will be satisfied if he awakes only to Jesus and the sweetness of their relationship... David had it figured out!
Jesus, I pray that this verse would overwhelm my every thought and action. I dont want to be controlled any longer by the accusations and opinions of others. God help me live this verse out. My concern is to please you alone. Help me live in Christ's righteousness. Satisfy me with your love Jesus. I want to have sweet communion with You.

Love! 1 Corinthians 13 - I compiled a list of what Love is and isnt and it woke me up to just how much I dont live out of Love sometimes...

Love is: enduring, patient, kind, rejoices when the truth comes out, bears up under anything and everything, ever ready to believe the best of everyone, hopes fadelessly no matter what the circumstance is, never weakening, takes no account of the evil done to it and true affection of God and man.
Love isn't: envious, jealous, boastful, vainglorious, concieted, arrogant, inflated with pride, rude, insisting in it's own rights or way, self seeking, touchy, fretful, or resentful.
I know what I need to work on!

The woman He has called me to be: Proverbs 31, and 1 Peter 3

31:27- "She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idlness (gossip, discontent, and self pity) she will not eat."

3:4- "But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is not anxious or wrought up, but is very precious in the sight of God"

I can't really write what I wrote in my journal here, that gets a little too personal for comfort, but I will say this... God has not called me to be harsh in action, word, or thought. He has called me to be loving and gentle. I want my life to be marked by these qualities.
Jesus, teach me how to love like you did. Quiet my soul from all of the distractions of this life and help me choose that one good thing, sitting at your feet. Forgive me for ever partaking in gossip, discontentment and self pity. I want to live the full life you have for me. Jesus I need you. Holy Spirit come and change my heart.

Well, that's really all I can say for now... I'm still processing these last couple of weeks. Jesus is so stinkin good! There's really no way that I can think of ending this post gracefully, so I guess this is it...

In sweet communion,

Elyxis

Time... Please Stop, for just a second!

2009-03-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

Wow! These last two weeks have been crazy, busy, but SO fun! It's hard for me to realize just how close this year is to being over... and it makes me sad and happy at the same time. Sad because we are all going to be going seperate ways. Sure some of us are staying for 2nd year, but God hasnt called all of us to that. People will be moving and going off to college and the real world... I will miss everyone so much! But happy because God has done so much! I can see change in every one of us, and I love seeing what God has done. I'm happy because there are 14 more equiped adults and wittnesses ready to go into the world and share the good news. I start getting a little teary-eyed every time I think of graduation night. Memories from this year overwhelm me with joy and laughter. Here are a few, many probably already blogged about, but humor me...

The dance party we had a Brittany's house (video in previous blog from october, i think)
Dinner at Lisa's house on Mondays, so fun!
The moments after the girls disrupted the man class, and Seth came out without his shirt, wearing a fake beard, a sombrero, and a sash. :)
Truth or Dare at Lisa's house "Arr Arr, I'm a seal!"
Damons Pony Tail :)
Me falling down, a lot!
When Thomas shaved his beard really cool...
The many, MANY movies watched at Seth, Brad, Brittany, Andrea, and Lisa's (even though we never really watched them because we would just goof off and stuff)...
The time when we were at seths and Lisa and I spun around like 50 times and then tried to run at each other and hug, oh boy, that was fun :)
I Heart Bend and Prineville :)
The many amazing prayer and worship times we had
The Jay Jokes!
Learning how to love each other, even after we had seen the worst, and were completely annoyed with each other... yes.
Hair dying parties
Hair cutting parties
The time Andrea made me look hard core :)
When Brad, Andrea, Lisa and I went to Paulina Peak!
Sucking on the helium tank in the maintanance room (know that I never did that, except once, ok...)
Finding the many wierd objects, bugs, and other unidentifiable things during maintanance rotations.
New Years Eve at Brad's House! So fun!
Tim's dancing, singing, and other merriments :)
Rocketships (need I say more)!
When Andrea and I almost got eaten like 7 different times from Brad's next door neighbor's killer white creepy dog.
Sitting through multiple movies while listening to Dustin say EVERY line before it came, AHHHH!!!
The many trips to chevron, backporch, newport market, and strictly organic.
Snow ball fights and cookie-ing in the church parking lot.
Volley ball and basket ball matches during monday lunches
About 245,000 other "you had to have been there" moments

So, obviously my list got kinda long, and believe me, I could have kept going... but i will save those stories for another time :)

Here are some pictures from the last two weeks!

My awesome cabin at winter camp! Well not all of them, but most of them :)

Ice Skating with Taryin, Thomas, and Dustin

...wow...
Thomas breakdancing on the ice...

The coolest ice skating train ever!

So these next pictures are of Thomas and Dustin trying to make their "sexy" faces... well that's what they said... I'm not quite sure if they accomplished their goal, but it was pretty hilarious!

All of us...

Taryn and I!

Taryn and Thomas

You cant see it in this picture, but Thomas had his leg out like a figure skater and Dustin was pulling him... it was funny.

Mykala!

Kaitlyn, Mykala, and Josh

Kaitlyn, she's so freakin cool :)

The two goof balls...

Me and Mykala

...Oooo La La...

Christina

Kayla

Josh

The whole gang... we had so much fun :)

So, all in all, the last two weeks have been really fun. I'm really excited for spring break and hopefully I will get some sweet pictures from that and post them for you all to see.

God has been doing so much in me, I wouldnt even be able to tell you the difference I have seen in my life the last couple of months. I love Jesus SO much!

Elyxis.

Endurance

2009-02-24T17:19:00.000-08:00

Endurance

waiting for a promise

out of breath

unbearable pain

costly sacrifice

patience

discipline

obedience

stormy roads

tired feet

weary soul

exhaustion

God's goodness

His faithfulness

and loving kindness

grace

growing

taking back ground

warriors

eyes fixed

more than conquerors

pushing through

release

let go

surrender

"We do strongly and earnestly desire for each of you to show the same diligence and sincerity all the way through in realizing and enjoying the full assurance and developement of your hope until the end, in order that you may not grow disinterested and become spiritual sluggards, but imitators, behaving as do those who through faith (by their leaning of the entire personality on God in Christ in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness) and by practice of patient endurance and waiting are now inheriting the promises."

Hebrews 6:11,12

"For the king understand about these things well enough, and therfore to him I speak with bold frankness and confidence. I am convinced that not one of these things has escaped his notice, for all this did not take place in a corner, in secret."

Acts 26:26

"Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace, the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners, that we may recieve mercy for our failures and find grace to help in good time for every need (appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it)."

Hebrews 4:16

"The Lord is my Strength and my impenetrable Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him. The Lord is their unyielding Strength, and He is the Stronghold of salvation to me, His anointed."

Psalm 28:7,8

"For we are Gods own handiwork, His workmanship, recreated in Christ Jesus, born anew that we may do those good works which God predestined, planned beforehand for us, taking paths which He prepared ahead of time, that we should walk in them, living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live."

Ephesians 2:10

"Therefore then, since we are surroinded by so great a cloud of witnesses who have borne testimony to the Truth, let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance, unnecessary weight, and that sin which so readily, deftly, and cleverely clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistance the appointed course of the race that is set before us, looking away from all that will distract, to Jesus, Who is the Leader and Source of our faith and is also its Finisher, bringing it to maturity and perfection, He, for the joy of obtaining the prize that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1,2

It's easy to get discouraged when my eyes drift away from my Saviors eyes.

I cannot afford to do that.

I hope these scriptures encouraged you like they have me.

Still working it out,

Elyxis

Worship.

2009-02-15T17:36:00.000-08:00

So much is left out when one uses the word worship. When just said, the mighty depths and unsearchable grounds happened upon during worship are almost forgotten about. The unending waters of God's love have slowly carved a canyon in my heart where worship is something that I long for and need and rely on. It has this special place in my heart. I think it's that way because it's the place where I feel heaven come to earth. Like Moses and the Lord. God spoke to Moses as one does with a friend. I want my life to be so immersed in Jesus, that He can't help but come down and be with me. He truly is the love of my life. It's the place where the things of the world fall away, far from me, and the only thing that matters is the Lord. I have found myself constantly in worship this whole week, which I believe has truly transformed me from who I was, even last week. I have found myself in a place where the Spirit takes me from where I am. I literally feel like I am leaving the room where I am sitting. I have felt a growing hole in my heart, where an earthly father should be. Believe me, I have gotten so much prayer for this problem, but never before I have felt the Presence of my true Father like I have this week. It's one thing to know in my mind that God is a Father, but a completely different thing when I know that I know that God is my Father. He is more completely and wholly there for me, more than any other person can ever be for me. It's difficult for me to describe to you exactly how I feel. It's the deepest love I have ever known. His presence transcends everything I have ever experienced or known. I can feel my spirit dancing with His. He is so near.

"Sing to God, sing praises to His name, cast up a highway for Him who rides through the deserts -His name is the Lord- be in high spirits and glory before Him." psalm68:4

"They should seek God in the hope that they might feel after Him and find Him, although He is not far from each of us..." acts17:27

"Blessed be the Lord, Who bears our burdens and carries us day by day, even the God Who is our Salvation! Selah! God is to us a God of deliverances and salvation; and to God the Lord belongs escape from death, setting us free." psalm68:19,20

"O God, awe-inspiring, profoundly impressive, and terrible are You out of your holy places; the God of Israel Himself gives strength and fullness of might to His people. Blessed be God!" psalm68:35

"Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! Blessed, happy, fortunate, to be envied is the man who fears, revears and worships the Lord, who delights greatly in His commandments. His spiritual offering shall be mightly upon the earth; the generation of the upright shall be blessed." psalm112:1,2

"Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy; for I am the Lord your God" Lev.20:7

"And you shall be holy to Me; for I the Lord am holy, and have seperated you from the peoples, that you should be Mine." Lev.20:26

"But you shall not offer anything which has a blemish, for it will not be acceptable for you." Lev.22:20

"But you were purchased with the precious blood of Christ, the Messiah, like that of a sacrificial lamb without blemish or spot." 1peter1:19

"So shall you heartily accept my commandments and conform you life and conduct to them. I am the Lord. Neither shall you profane my holy Name, applying it to an idol, or treating it with irreverance or contempt or as a byword; but I will be hallowed among the Israelites. I am the Lord, Who consecrates and makes you holy, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your God. I am the Lord." Lev.22:31,32

"And now brethren, I commit you to God, I deposit you in His charge, entrusting you to His protection and care. And I commend you to the Word of His grace, to the commands and counsels and promises of His unmerited favor. It is able to build you up and to give you your rightful inheritance among all God's set-apart ones, those consecrated, purified, and transformed of soul." acts20:32

God, I feel, has been calling me to a higher standard of holiness or set-apart-ness, if you wish. I have felt like I have been living a holy life, but God has called me to give more. Honestly I don't know exactly what it looks like, but I know I have more to give to God.

Paralyzed by the Love of Christ,

Elyxis

Once Upon a Sunny Day...

2009-02-07T15:12:00.000-08:00

Today Mykala and I went to Drake Park!

We had tons of fun :)

Mykala is now in a band, called Standing by a Fence...
Smiling and walking, one type of multi-tasking I can do :)

Trees.

Oh, you know, just me...

I love sunshine!!!

Yay!

Mykala :)

This is a duck, I named her hannah-fofanna

So beautiful!

Mykala again...

A cool artistic kind of shot...

- Fun and fancy free -

It's my model face, yeaaah :)

The cutest picture ever !

It was kinda bright, not that I'm complaining, I love it!

More ducks

Who knew my sister was part monkey, she climbed a tree...

Black and whites rock.

Another cute picture of Mykala

:) again...

And this was yesterday down town, it was really pretty and rainy :)

So, Im really glad that it was sunny and some what warm today! It makes me really excited for spring!

Loving Life,

Elyxis

Just a Quick Thought.

2009-02-05T22:56:00.000-08:00

Jesus gave me His heart on the cross... WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!?!?! I look back over my life and see the many times that I have taken His heart and just broken it. I have given Him every reason to abandon me, yet He remains faithful. Tonight I saw Jesus' grace in a whole new light. "Grace" is something that I have become almost used to and for the lack of a better word, immune to... not that the grace of God is in any way insufficient, but it has just become a common and under appreciated thing in my life. I knew it has been there, but I have just forgotten the power of it. God's grace is sort of like a trail in our lives, like a journey. It's commonly mistaken as something that's unattainable or mysterious or simply impossible. The truth is that God most definitely works everything out for the good of those who love Him. Each and every day, we encounter many different circumstances, problems, people, and challenges. Going mostly unnoticed, the grace of our Savior is all over everything. His grace is like a journey, in that it takes time and practice to learn how to except His workings in our lives. We have to remember that even in the seemingly bad situations, He is working it together for His good. The grace of God is mysterious because it is different for every person. God meets us where we are individually.
I can't even quite say what I want to about this subject because every time I try to put it into words, I am overwhelmed by the eternal and divine plan of God. Gosh! I guess all that's left now is to give Him my heart, again. It's a continual process, I have found. My heart is easily swayed if I don't surrender it over to Him.
So here's to you Jesus,
With love,
Elyxis

It's the Super Bowllll Jesus!

2009-02-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

Here are a few pictures from this last weekend!

Here's my crazy best friend, she escaped from the psych ward - don't tell anyone though :)

Here's my sister, also crazy...
Jay was rockin' the 3D glasses too!
(And Andrea looking really scary)

No comment needed...

The cuddle couch :)

And on saturday we went to Ashley Brown's surprise baby shower... it was great to see her!

That's all :)

Elyxis

I Heart Prineville!

2009-01-26T22:01:00.000-08:00

God Loves Prineville. So many amazing things happened this saturday, the 24th of January! God showed up in so many amazing ways and it blessed me to see Him blessing the socks of that city. Around 650-700 people came to the concert that night and nearly 80 recieved Christ! It was awesome... During the serving time, I know of at least 5 people that were lead to the Lord which is also really cool! I know I had fun that day and so did everyone else I talked to. God truly started something in Prineville that I know is not finished. I am excited to see the churches grow and cultivate the seeds of unity that were planted! All in all I can say that I am so pleased with the event and I know that to many people it was more than just an event. Salvation is here.
Here are some pictures from the day! (They are in backwards order, from evening to morning)

Andrea made a sign... and it was awesome :)

Damon.

Ok, so here are the friendly security guards...

And here are the pissed off ones...

Brad and Seth

The Girls!

I see you.... mwah ha ha!

Taryn!!!

Stacia warming her hands on the chicken thingy at Rays... :)

Our group that went out on Adopt-a-Block

So we met this guy named Art who had a dog names Shadey, and the dog had a binkie, yep!

Andrea! yay!

Mykala, my sista...

Seth with an overly large smile.... ?

Lisa and Brittany

Stacia!

The Volunteers

Brittany and Jess

And lastly, my Backporch coffee and myself...glorious

I Heart Prineville!

2009-01-20T13:35:00.000-08:00

I Heart Prineville!

So last week we headed to Prineville to hand out tickets for the event this next weekend. It was super fun :) Here is Tim being hardcore

And the rest of us nor being hardcore, except Tim, of course :)
Tim being a nun...

Taryn and all her coolness!

A cool shot from the back seat...

Taryn :)

Damon... he was very happy.

Taryn found a cool book with 3D glasses, yep...

And, last but not least... Dustin and his serious, non-smiling face.

So, after all of the planning and prayer that has gone into this event, I can say with confidence and faith that I know God is going to move in the city of Prinville. I know He will. I am so excited to see what happens and I will be posting pictures next week and letting you all know what God does.... all I can say is- WATCH OUT PRINEVILLE!

His Presence.

2009-01-08T21:59:00.000-08:00

Just three short days ago I was completely dissatisfied. I felt as though I had failed. I felt that I was no longer good enough to be called a child of God. I had lost my hope. Pastor Ken has declared that this year is going to be the year of New Hope... new hope in God and the promises He has for us. I will admit that I most certainly didn't feel this way and hadn't felt that way up until Tuesday morning. If you read my last post I am pretty sure you could tell from my tone that I wasn't a happy camper... Thankfully Jesus had a plan, like always. As soon as I posted my blog, I almost instantly had a comment from someone named Thankful Paul. I will admit it kinda freaked me out a little because my blog had only been posted for less than a minute before the comment popped up and I don't even know if you could have read it in that amount of time, AND it was from someone that I didn't even know. The comment said as follows: "After all this, there is only one thing to say: Have reverence for God, and obey His commands, because this is all that we were created for. Ecclesiastes 12:13" I sat staring at my computer monitor in complete shock. How and where and why had this person said this to me? So I looked up the verse and it said pretty much the same thing the Thankful Paul had written, "The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." Ecc. 12:13. I mulled over this scripture over and over to try and figure out exactly what God was trying to say to me, personally. How did this apply to me? GET READY!!! I am about to share with you what God has done over the last three days and it might get kinda long, because there was a lot, but oh well... !

Monday-
Ecclesiastes 5:1-7, 12:13-14
"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let you words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool's voice with many words. When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear... The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."

Guard my steps- Every step I take on this journey I have to guard and fight for. When the enemy comes to take back ground, I cannot just let him.
Listen- I can do so much and get "busy" in the presence of God but sometimes, he just wants me to listen, with my ears and my heart. So often I rush into the presence of God, tell him what I need, and then leave. I cannot imagine what that feel like to God... God forgive me for doing this.
Pay the vow I vowed- If I commit to do something for God, I cannot wait to do it, I cant delay.
Dreams bring business and vanity- The wrong kinds of dreams, unrealistic and selfish ones, will only bring vanity into my life. I have to lay them down.
Fear God Only.
God sees EVERYTHING- Every secret thing (whether good or evil) will be exposed and judged.

The rest of this is straight out of my journal from devotions and my quiet time with Jesus... The Holy Spirit was pushing me out into new depths with God than ever before, and the whole time, Jesus' love was just pouring out, but so also was discipline. I'm putting myself out there right now, so I hope God speaks to you through this, because He sure did to me.

Tuesday-

Genesis 15:5-6: And He brought him outside (talking of Abram) and said, "Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them." Then He said to him, "So shall your offspring be." And he believed the Lord, and He counted it to him as righteousness.

It's easy to not believe in myself the way God does. The enemy would love to tell me that I wont be effective in God's kingdom, that I wont change the world with my life. But here I see that God promises that my fruit will be more than the stars in the sky. Abram didn't have his son, yet... he had to choose to wait on God, then the promise would come.

Luke 6:20-23: And He (Jesus) lifted His eyes on His disciples and said: Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice on that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their father did to the prophets."

I am Blessed when I am these things. It sounds kind of opposite. If I were to look through the world, these would be bad... but, when I look through the Holy Spirit, these are good. These verses show me that it is OK, and even expected, that I be poor, hungry, sorrowful, and rejected.
God thank you for these verses. Help me remember them in my heart when I would want to have a bad attitude about a situation in my life. Thank you for your promises!

Luke 6:32-36: If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinner do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

What is the difference between me and the "sinner" in these verses? Do I love the unloved and unloving, do I do good to those who don't deserve it, do I give to those who have nothing to give back? God loves me, has good for me, and freely gives to me - so do I do this for other as well? Not always... a lot of the times I will make a decision based on selfishness.
God is challenging me to love, do good to, give to at least one person everyday who cant give back and/or doesn't deserve it. He has called me to not go through one day without doing this for, at the very minimum, one person.
God thank you that you don't repay me as my sins deserve, but you see me through Jesus. I pray you would help me be someone who loves recklessly and unconditionally. Take out any roots of selfishness in my life and show me how to love the way you do. Help me remember that one person everyday, and point them out specifically to me. Help me step out of my comfort zone in faith and obedience. I love you so much Jesus - I praise you! Thank you that you are continuing the good work you started in me.

Luke 6:47-49: Everyone who comes to me (Jesus) and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on a rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who heard and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great. God is calling me to dig deep and quit trying to lay foundation on unsolid ground, and broken pieces of my "try's" from the past. It's not about appearing to be holy, but actually living holy, in the secret place with God.

God I pray that you would help me go deep! No more surface level crap anymore! I pray against any strong hold Satan is trying to set up in my life, and I command you to leave! I am a child of God. I call forth a pure and undivided heart and spirit, not by my own strength but by the power of the Living God! God I am ready to commit. Help me not get prideful in thinking that I have "arrived", because I certainly haven't. God I need your help to do all of this. Thank you for speaking to me. I love you with all of my heart. I am excited to see what you are going to be doing, in Jesus' name... AMEN!

Wednesday-

Genesis 18:10-15: The Lord said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son." And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" The Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard (wonderful) for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son." But Sarah denied it, saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. He said, "No, but you did laugh."

God has big plans for Abraham and Sarah. He tells them point-blank "You will have a son." But because of circumstances and fear, Sarah laughs at the thought of it. Her faith that God could do it was severely lacking.
Do I do this to God? Do I take His word or promises lightly? God is absolutely serious and excited about what He has for me. Whom have I chosen to believe?
God I repent for anytime that I have shrugged off something you spoke to me. Forgive me Jesus. I call forth faith to rise up in my life. I speak to fear and pride and command you to leave, now, in the name of Jesus. Help me hear your voice God. Give me ears to hear and a heart to obey.

Psalm 3:3-4: But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried to the Lord, and He answered me from His holy hill.

Thursday-

Genesis 21:15-20a: When the water in the skin was gone, she put the child under one of the bushes. Then she went and say down opposite to him a good way off, about the distance of a bow shot, for she said, "Let me not look on the death of a child." And as she sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice and wept. And God heard the voice of the boy, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What troubles you Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is. Up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation." Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. And was with the boy, as he grew up.

The boy is like God's word and his promise in my life. Hagar looses hope in the life of the boy when circumstances tell her he will die. I, in the same way, have easily given up on words and promises from God when things get rough, or when I see them through my flesh.
God I pray that I would start seeing things in the spiritual realm, not with my physical eyes but with the eyes of my spirit. God forgive me for anytime that I missed the mark because I lost hope and gave up. God give me perseverance... I love you Jesus.

Genesis 22:2: He said, "Take you son, your only son Isaac whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."

God is calling me to lay down and sacrifice the thing I place before him. What is that God? My pride, putting my worth in my self image, and people pleasing.
God I gladly lay down these things, I ask you to take them from me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Just going over these things, while I have typed them out, God has spoken to me even more than what I journaled on... This week has been so humbling and God has pointed out some major things in my life that I need to change. I haven't been living "hot" for God, only lukewarm, and that's why it hasn't been working. I felt like I was only going through the motions each day, and nothing more. My joy, growth, and satisfaction in life is not going to come from Cascade Life Commission, my friends, or even just myself. The only thing that will truly satisfy me is Jesus Christ, and that's what I realized this week. I had thought that I knew this all along, but I only knew it in my head, and I wasn't actually living it out. God has really called me forth to be not just a Kingdom talker, but a Kingdom walker... walking out each day, knowing that I am not perfect and that there is still plenty for me to learn and experience and grow in. Walking out each day with the intent of Jesus Christ increasing and me decreasing. Walking out each day relying on the grace of God and not my own strength. Walking out each day to carry my cross. There is so much more I wish I could figure out how to say to you, but you are probably thankful that I'm not because this post is so freakin' long... but in the end, I guess this one verse sums up what God has shown me this week, and it was from today's reading:

And Jesus said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me

Luke 9:23

With the grace of God,

Still Running,

Elyxis

(no title)

2009-01-05T22:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know!!! Wow, it is only the first day back in CLC and we haven't even had any class time or anything, and I feel completely just... oh, I don't even know the word for what I feel. It's not bad but its not really good either... (?) I just need to step it up... that's all I know! I feel semi-dissappointed with myself but I have no idea why... and I feel really excited, but not sure why either. Gosh this is so confusing. To anyone who may read this blog, I guess the reason for this post is to get it out there. The fact that I cannot keep going the way I am going!!! I am not doing anything bad or living a double life or anything rediculous like that, I just simply have not been giving it my all. I guess the term for it is lukewarm. That's it. That's what I feel. If I were God, I would want to spit me out too (no, I didnt just call myself God, I was just using it as an example...). I have never thought of the way I am living as lukewarm. That word brings to mind someone who loves Jesus at church but everywhere else is a terrible person, and someone who acts holy, but is really living in sin. Sure, I am not perfect, but I felt like I wasnt living like this. The fact of the matter is, being lukewarm simply means I am neither hot nor cold. The truth is, I am not hot (you know what I mean). I don't give Jesus everything, just the parts of my life I want to give Him. It is so humbling to realize this about myself. I suppose from the outside it may not look like this is my reality, but it is. I have hid this sad fact behind pride. I lead a small group, lead worship, help lead the Dream Kids Ministry, and do a ton of other things... but that's all I do, is do them. I am passionate about Jesus, dont get me wrong, I just know that God wants to go so much deeper with me. Gosh dang it! It's like the never ending process of me finding out more of me that I havent given over to God. For me, becoming a lukewarm christian begins when I find something in me that I hadnt known about, and then after finding it, choosing not to give it to God. I then become god over my life. Sorry if this is confusing, its sorta just coming out... I know God has my where he does for a reason and I am so thankful for that. He has shown me so much about myself since CLC started, and I just need to give those things over to Him. He created me. He knows the deepest part of me. He knows my secrets. He knows me better than I know myself.
I guess all I can do for now is rely on His grace, knowing that this is a journey and I can't get there over night... man I wish I could. I dont like being wrong, but I just am, and God is right.

Giving it all over,
Elyxis.

New Year's Eve, Oh My Gosh!

2009-01-02T18:53:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a night! This year CLC and some other people went out to Brad's house in Lapine for a New Year's Eve party... and it was a freakin' cool party! We played tons of games, Rock Band, pool, ping pong, and did a whole bunch of other shenanigans! Here are some pictures of the night, hope you enjoy them!

The next morning, we were so awake!
Our team came in last place after all the games, so we got grills!

Dustin and his cool diaper :)

I got a a silly string hat...

Dustin and his cool diaper again!

Thomas and his cool diaper

Sabrina did the donut eating contest

Then people drew each other with their mouths

Sabrina

The guys got their make-up done... it was cool :)

Dustin... this is one of the many faces of the night, he wont let me show the others!

Andrea... I love her

Lisa played Rock Band, she is so hard core

Dustin

Andrea being hard core....

People playing pool

Thomas was way into Rock Band too :)

Brittany and Sabrina

Andrea again :)

We had so much fun! You missed out if you weren't there. All I can say is that it will be a hard party to beat, so CLC friends, start thinking of ideas!!!

Happy New Year Everyone!

This Year in Review...

2008-12-29T11:21:00.001-08:00

Wow! This year has gone by really fast! So much has happened and it is amazing to look back and see where I thought I would be and where I actually am. This time last year, I was in high school, completely stressed out about trying to get all my graduation requirements in and totally unsatisfied with my life. A year ago, we moved into our house (the first house that I actually loved) and it felt like we were getting a fresh start. Let's see what has happened since the beginning of 2008:

2 moves for our family(3 for me)
2 cousins moved in, then moved out
2 online classes completed
a total of 12 credits earned in one school year (normally you can only get 8)
1 trip to San Fransisco
33 friendships made and built with some amazing Life Skills students at Bend High
First time being on the worship team
1 small group (Yeah Katie!)
3 roomates since last year (Michelle, Stacia, and currently my Mom...)
Tons of relationships built
A few lost...
1 Graduation from High School
1 car accident
1 hospital visit
1 trip to Nampa Idaho
I learned to play the guitar
1 trip to Playa del Carmen
3 Billion Miracles
1 little bobble head turtle bought from Mexico
1st time in warm ocean water
1 job aquired
1 job lost
2 difficulty levels gained in Guitar Hero
I started Cascade Life Commission
I moved out on my own for the first time
1 Encounter with God that tore through my whole life
About 5,498,076 more encounters with God since then, and still counting
1 God who has shown me His love and Mercy and is changing me
1 prayer life reignited
1 new hair color
12 different haircuts
1 time trying to be hardcore (it didnt work out that well!)
4 new friends discovered in CLC
9 old friends to grow with
1st time leading worship
1 old mindset exchanged for a new one
10ish classes in CLC so far
1 newish oldish mentor gained (Yeah Katie agian, and by old, I dont mean age!)
1 new found respect for the maintainance people at the church
About 58 really embarrassing moments that mostly include me tripping
1 very bestest friend found (Andrea...)
1 I Heart Bend
A couple of tough situations
Way more good situations
1 life transformed by the unending love of Christ...

And the list goes on and on.... ! I am a completely different person right now then I was a year ago and I am thankful for that! I can only imagine where I will be next year. God is changing me so much and I dont want Him to stop... Man oh Man! I love you all and I hope this new year brings things into your lives that will help you grow and change, because I know that's what I am looking forward too!

Knock, Knock... Who's There?

2008-12-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

"For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined by the fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint you eyes, so that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me." Revelation3:17-20

There He stands. Jesus invites me to come in to Him. So many times I have told God with my actions that I am fine without Him..."I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing..." I can make it on my own. All along God is desperately trying to show me that without Him I am wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. Jesus shows me that if I will buy, at the cost of my whole life, His gold refined in the fire, His white garments, and His anointing salve, I will gain my life back, in Him. His pure Gold refined by the fire is character and wisdom. The White Garments are purity and righteousness (right standing with God). The Anointing Salve for me to see is to open the eyes of my understanding of God. If I would only open up to Him! A Life lived in Jesus is the only one I want to live. I know this can sound so cliche, because we hear it so often... "Give God your whole life, let Him have control, open the door to your heart!" I know I have heard it enough! But what if the hearing actually turned into doing?

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me."

'Tis the Season!

2008-12-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

Due to the recent aquiring of a camera (YEAH!), I can now finally post some pictures! I hope you enjoy these...
These last couple of weeks have been really amazing! God has just shown Himself so faithful and I really love Him lots. I have moved back in with my mom and am waiting for a host home, which I KNOW God will provide at the right time. Life Commission has been going really good! God has been asking me a lot of tough questions... not tough for Him, but tough for me because He is refining me, which is not always fun, but it has definitely been really good. So, yeah... here are some pictures to let you know what I've been up to!

Drake Park!

Christmas Tree decorating '08

CLC Friends, Kids Christmas program, and Guitar Hero at Micah's...

Elliot CD Release Party

Red Robin

YEAH FOR PICTURES!!!! Have a wonderful Christmas and New Years!

Let's have some silly...

2008-11-26T12:13:00.000-08:00

What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever done?

I have about 300 million.

I am prone to make remarks that make no sense, ask questions that are retarded, laugh at the wrong time, fall down on flat surfaces, come into conversations at an awkward moment, make stupid jokes, have stupid comebacks, try to be sarcastic and fail, fall for everything (im very gullable), and seem unusually clueless about almost every situation I find myself in.

All my friends say, "AMEN!"

But, despite all these things, though they do bring embarrassment and a red face, they make my life fun :) They also bring joy to others, as have said my friends... SO, without further adue, here are my top 5 embarrassing moments in order of most embarrassing on down... I hope my little accidents bring laughter to your soul!

1.)Falling in the Church parking lot-

So about a month or so ago, I was leaving the church after a wonderful monday day of good food and maintainance rotations. I was with like 5 other CLC students and we were walking out to our cars in front of the main office. I was laughing and having a good time, and obviously not paying attention... I stepped off the curb and before I knew what was going on, I was flying across the parking lot! Now mind you, I did not trip on anything or roll my ankle - I just fell down. So I am flying across the parking lot with my arms going in circles and my legs flailing, and somehow running at the same time(?). I tried for about 5 ginormous steps not to fall, but it still came. I practically did a "007" roll onto my shoulder, landed on my back, and to top it all off, my legs flew over my head and my rear was up in the air! Yep, it was glamourous :) Thomas and Tim, being quite the gentlemen they are, ran over to help me up. As I looked around at all my specktators, I started laughing uncontrolably. I am very sure I was only laughing so that I didnt cry. Oh, I wanted to die for sure! Thomas still describes that act of falling as "Defying the Laws of Physics" because I gained so much momentum in such a short amount of time, and I didnt even trip on anything! I only wish it was videotaped :)

Moral of the story: don't trip on air!

2.)Falling down the stairs in Big Church-

Most of my moments will have to do with falling down... So it was a year ago, during the Childrens Christmas Program dress rehersal. I was setting up the stage and moving props around, etc... then pastor Dave, who was back in the sound board asked me a question. I couldnt hear him because there was music playing, so I decided to run down the stairs so I could get closer to him so I could hear him. BIG MISTAKE!!! I didnt have any shoes on, only socks, so the second I hit the first stair, my feet slipped out from underneath me and I fell down the 4 or 5 steps and onto the ground. I layed there for a moment before I got up, knowing that the minute I popped my head up, I would see many people laughing :) So, I got up to see pastor Dave doubled over in laughter...

Moral of the story: never run on the stairs in the santuary in your socks!

3.)Having a panic attack in Mexico-

Last summer, I went on a missions trip to Mexico... it was really fun. One particular day, we were headed to Cozumel for an outreach. Now Cozumel is an island off of Playa, so we had to take a ferry over to it. I have been on boats and many ferries in my lifetime, but for some wierd reason, my body didnt like this one! It had already been a ruff day: we walked probably 2 miles in the heat in a fast paced walk, and I hadnt had any water to drink yet that day, and I had a monster bug bite on my ankle that made my ankle swell to double its size and it was super painful. So we finally got to the ferry and I sat down and closed my eyes from exhaustion. I held it together for most of the 2o mintue ride, but the last 5 minutes of it, my body threw a violent fit! My airway shrunk and I couldnt breath, I felt like I was going to throw up at any moment, and I was crying uncontrolably. Im not gonna lie, I was pretty loud and everyone on the ferry was staring at me... Not only did I feel like crap, but I was thorougly mortified :) I ran off the ferry and a nice man who was sitting near me gave me some of those sea sickness pills (whatever they are called?). It took me about 2 hours to stop shaking and to where my stomach didnt hurt. It was scary...

Moral of the story: drink some water if you are in Mexico and are going to sweat 3 gallons and walk 2 miles AND it's always good to take pills from absolute strangers!

4.)Guys dont need toilet paper if they are only going #1 -

About a year and a half ago, we moved into an appartment. There were some guys from church that helped us move, which was very nice of them. One guy in particular, who will remain nameless, had to go to the bathroom right when we got to the appartment. We hadnt even been inside yet, so putting two and two together the way I do, yelled up the stairwell, "There isnt any toilet paper though!" The guy stopped, laughed a little, and then kept going. I took me a second to realize that he didnt need toilet paper... and then I turned red and didnt make eye contact with him almost the whole rest of the time.

Moral of the story: think before you speak, it will get you far in life :)

5.)Andrea likes to embarrass me-

I love Andrea. It is true. She loves me. She also loves seeing me blush :) There is this on going thing between her and I. I can't fully explain it because I dont like to talk about it, but lets just say it has to do with what married people do when they "really really love each other"... yah. You know what I am talking about. So on our senior trip, Tori, Andrea and I went up to Detroit lake and stayed in this amazing lake house. We had tons of fun! The second day we were there we decided to watch a movie on the laptop. The cabin was 2 levels, the bottom was 2 bedrooms and a bathroom and the top was like a master bedroom except it was open and you could look down from it and see the living room and also look out onto the lake through the huge windows. So we decided to go up there to watch the movie because it had a big bed that we could all fit on. It was a super cute room and it could be really romantic... so Andrea, knowing that I am very modest and embarrass easily, starts making comments about things and long story short, it hasnt stopped since. Any opportunity that arises that she can make a joke of, she does and it makes me red every time :) I cant really tell you anything more than that... :)

Moral of the story: I will get married someday...

WOW! This post got kinda long, sorry... but in light of me telling you my most embarrassing moments, I feel it is your duty to tell me yours :) So do it!

From glory to glory...

2008-11-11T12:44:00.000-08:00

Has it really only been a little over two monthes since CLC has started? God has transformed me so much, and He is still refining me... I love it! Before I get all deep on you, here are a couple of pictures from the past couple of weeks. Yah for fun times!

Andrea, Brad, Lisa, and I went up to Paulina Peak and had a blast! We hiked around to this ridge (which you can kinda see behind Andrea in the picture below) and we went to the edge and threw rocks over and made avalanches! It was fun :)

This is what happens when boys think they are funny... My car got suran-wrapped all around, hot-dogged, and crisco-ed. YAH! Revenge was sweet though :)

Then, last Thursday, we had a hair cutting party! Tim and Thomas got mohawks, Taryn got layers (and we helped her discover what her hair looks like curly cuz we shoved her in the sink), Seth and Brittany got trims, I got some layers :) it was fun...
Transitioning now, I just want to share with you (I'm not sure who "you" are, but whoever reads this thing, it's to you...) what God has been speaking to me:

MARK 2:21

"No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment: or else the new peice pulls away from the old, and the tear is made worse."

I cannot patch what God is doing in my life onto my old life. Period... there are no if's, and's or but's. He has not called me to be a patch work quilt. I have to throw away my old life, completely. Letting Him rebuild me is key. He wants me to be like a tapestry in that I don't patch Him onto certain areas of my life, but I let Him weave me into His plan and we become one.
He has really been showing me that it's not about fixing my life, but it's about giving my life to Him and laying it down at the foot of the cross. I can't pretend that I have it all together, because frankly, I don't. From my point of view, things look a little messy... it's like when you look at the back side of a tapestry, you only see strings hanging down and the picture is not visible. But from the other side of it, it is a beautiful image. Jay used this example in a message once, and it has really stuck with me.
God has asked me this one question: "Have you really layed your life down?" Have I really let Him tear me down in order so He can build me back up the right way?

2. GALATIONS 2:20-21

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain."

All I have to say about this one, because I think the scripture is pretty explanitory, is that I will never set aside the grace of the Almighty God because I am not good enough to be called His child... Thankfully though, God's grace is sufficient to cover a multitude of sins. I love His Grace!

3. 1 CORINTHIANS 9:24, 26, 27

"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one recieves the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it... Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified."

God has challenged me to run in such a way. I have been running after God for some time now, and I have found it really easy to slip into a running coma (if there is such a thing?). It is SO easy to get into the routine of the christian walk. Wake up, read my bible, go to class, go to rotations, go to church, go to sleep, then do it all over again. Coming into CLC, I thought it would be really easy to grow closer to God, which on some levels is true, but in a way it has become more of a challenge. So many things fight for my time!
We just finished our first quarter, and I realized that this thing is gonna go by fast! If I don't take advantage of EVERY chance I get, I will leave CLC the same person I was at the beginning. It's been hard, and I am for sure still struggling, but I have to discipline myself to be subject to the Holy Spirit and listen when He tells me no. I can't always be everywhere all the time... I knew this in my brain, but God has really revealed it to my heart in the last couple of weeks.
Going back more to the scripture, God has called me to a purposeful run, one with certainty in who Christ is and in who I am, and one where I actually move forward. I refuse to deny Christ's rights into my heart becuase I know that if I do, I will be ineffective.

That's only three things out of pages and pages of things God has spoken to me about. I wish I could express just exactly how He has encountered my life and just turned me around face to face with His grace. I love it so much! It's hard, I will admit, to let God refine me, BUT I know it is so so so good and that it is what He wants.

I hope some of this spoke to you, and I love you all :)

Simply,

Elyxis

What happens when you are in CLC?

2008-10-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

Beware of the coolness that is about to take place! (sorry for the poor quality, I took these videos on my phone) ENJOY!!!!!!

For those of you who didnt know, my birthday was this last friday, so we had a partay at Seths house, which was awesome! So here's what happened: Thomas and Damon got me and Taryn (it was her birthday the next day) a little box filled with dirt, flowers, grass, and other gardenish stuff and at the bottom was man deoderant, a spider man ice pack, sardines and anchovie paste... and a variety pack of semi boneless pickled pigs feet. YUM! :) Long story short, Seth ate it...

Now you know what goes on when we get together :)